Sarah Palin followers attempt to rewrite history - Be afraid, be very afraid for the future and truth

This story was shared with me last night and, although it's appalling, I am not surprised. However, I am fearful. Sarah "Barracuda" Palin and her cronies are not only ridiculous (which I attributed to stupidity) but also manipulative and crazy.
Ancient news I know but bear with me.
Let me set the scene ... we've all heard or read about Sarah Palin's confusion over Paul Revere and whose side he was on: The British or America.
"He who warned uh, the British that they weren't gonna be takin' away our arms, uh by ringing those bells, and um, makin' sure as he's riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be sure and we were going to be free, and we were going to be armed."

Way to get in your pro-gun support but, honey, Paul Revere warned Americans the British were coming (although, not by shouting but reporting secretly). However, for Americans "The British Are Coming" is the most common knowledge of Revere. The American Revolution wasn't about gun rights but freedom and there weren't any ringing of bells.
I thought Palin, aka the Drilla' From Wasilla, was all about taking America back but since she doesn't know where America has been I think America is OK where it is, thanks. I don't want to go back in time a la Marty McFly and end up in some other dimension, where Revere rang bells and warned the British about the heat he was packing and Russia is so close to North America it can be seen out a window!

After being ridiculed -- which is obviously going to happen and will continue to happen since she's known for saying stupid and strange things like hockey moms being pit bulls with lipstick (Michael Vick's wet dream) -- Palin's response was her Paul Revere comment was the result of a "gotcha question" from "the media."
"Part of his ride was to warn the British that were already there that 'hey, you're not going to take American arms, you are not going to beat our own well-armed persons individual private militia that we have.'"

Sigh. Exactly what I want in a president, someone who doesn't know American history (or at least doesn't have enough common sense to study up on historical figures associated with the places they will visit on a campaign bus tour) and who can't admit when they are wrong. Luckily for her there are thousands out there dumb enough (or lazy) to believe her.

But wait, there's more.

Palin supporters attempted to revise Paul Revere's Wikipedia page (been dead since 1818 but I'm sure he would be thrilled to know he has his very own page ... maybe someone should hold a seance and let him know). Anyway, the anonymous editor(s) attempted to post the change in bold: "Revere did not shout the phrase later attributed to him ("The British are coming!"), largely because the mission depended on secrecy and the countryside was filled with British army patrols; also, most colonial residents at the time considered themselves British as they were all legally British subjects."

Thankfully this attempt was denied. 

I know this is old news, ancient in media terms, but I don't care because I'm scared.
Wikipedia is a free encyclopedia written collaboratively by the people who use the website. Although there are many editors working behind the scenes to make sure additions and edits are improvements, as well as verifiable, there is much mis-truth (also known as lies). I understand the appeal of up-to-date information but what about the other side of the coin ... bias, opinions, Palinites. Luckily they were stopped but Wikipedia is filled with content needing people to "help improve" this or help "re-write" that due to problems.
Hundreds of thousands of people across the world visit Wikipedia everyday and use the information for anything and everything from schoolwork (which is a big no-no since it's not 100% accurate) to winning bets (what is Lady Gaga's real name?) to forming opinions (red, blue, tea, anarchy?). Yeah there's a lot of questionable stuff on the Internet, from hardcore porn to step-by-step plans for making a bomb to how to grow marijuana in your house, but I'm more frightened about the lies out there and all the people willing to read something, on whatever website, and take it as truth. It's not just Wikipedia, there are thousands upon thousands of websites out there with biased information only a click away.
People don't often stop and think about why they feel a certain way or think a certain way. You just do and you are who you are. End of story. Let's move on.
Also, people want information fast ... we want it on Smartphones, on laptops, we want it at our fingertips. We don't want to form opinions and, even if we did, there is so much information out there filled with biases and lies that it's hard to know what's true and what isn't anymore.
Ask a liberal why they are liberal. Then go beyond that, questioning every answer until you get to the bottom of it but, then again, you may not get the truth because people lie all the time, believe what they want about themselves and bathe in their own lies daily. Also, people don't often know why they think a certain way because they've never stopped to think, to dig and discover themselves.
What is truth anymore? How can you trust anything you read or see or hear, especially on the Internet or some website, reputable or not, or on the boob tube? The only person you can trust is yourself if you happen to know yourself at all.

Getting annoyed, pet peeves, attention whores ... Don't sweat the small stuff while remembering the world is filled with a-holes

We all have moments that, in retrospect, don't fill us with pride. In the heat of the moment we are engulfed in hot flames of annoyance and pet peeve-iness but afterwards we think, embarrassingly, well ... who cares? Overreaction. Not worth our time and energy. We wonder why we were angered over something so minuscule in the grand scheme of things.
Or you're the type who believes everything you do is solid gold so you feel no wrong. Whatever. That's an entirely different, and bigger, can of worms. Good luck with that ... have fun stormin' the castle!
Think it'll work?
It'll take a miracle!
Whether shamed for the overreaction or not, I am confused. Yeah, I feel stupid for my overreaction but, also, why do people do this annoying stuff in the first place?
As my father says, God must have loved assholes because he made so many of them! My father created a list of laws ... similar to the "Ferengi Rules of Acquisition" from Star Trek (yes I am a dork. Whatever. Eat me shorts!) ... and rule numero uno is people are assholes and people eat shit. It's a two for one!
I come by my cynicism honestly.
Anywho ...
Why do people back into parking spaces? I was at the grocery store today (thrilling story I know) and was returning my cart to the corall when I was forced to stop in my tracks because a Dodge Neon was attempting to back into a parking space. I stopped in the middle of the lane, my hands gripped firmly on the shopping cart as this bozo gave me the stink eye and slowly backed in his Neon like it was a priceless family heirloom. This isn't Fast & The Furious, you aren't Paul Walker (boy I wish you were ... mmm) and you ain't drivin' no Bentley. We are at the Giant in Bumfuck, Nowhere and you are pimpin' a Neon.
So, why? Is it because it's easier to drive out of the space? Is it so your car is on display? This isn't the only time I've waited while others, in cars big and small, back into spaces. They make me and others wait but why? What's the point? You end up looking like a fool with yo pants on the ground. But, really, you look petty and stupid, especially in a Neon or a jacked up penis-pump pickup truck or SVU.
I'm all jacked up on Mountain Dew!
A few times a week I drive along a route that is one-lane highway. It's a long stretch with traffic moving along the other side in the opposite direction and curvy roadways, causing many do-not-pass double lines. So, I am often stuck behind creatures insisting on cruising at exactly the speed limit or lower, slowing down at every hint of a curve. They know I want to go faster. They know I am stuck behind them, they are holding me up. They see cars lined up behind me and, from a birds eye view, it looks like a caravan. I want to get a bullhorn and broadcast to the drivers behind me, "It's not my fault! It's this a-hole in front of me! Promise!"
You could look at this as who cares if you are being held up? Isn't that a very egotistical view, a view feeding road rage? There's nothing you can do about it so you should get over it already. Don't you have more important things to worry about? Also, that slowpoke isn't the only one on the road ... you get around him/her and it's likely you'll get stuck behind someone else so it's a losing battle.
However, you could also think about this ... what happens when you are driving down a road and someone rides your bumper, interrupting your little universe of karaoke worthy music, nose picking and random thoughts. What do you do? Do you speed up? Do you get over in the shoulder, if there is one (which there is on the road I travel), and let the person pass? Or do you continue at the speed, or even slower, and wonder what the f- the guys problem is for tailgating? What a jerk he or she must be!
But ... would you do the same thing? If you are traveling and someone in front of you is creepin' along, would you tailgate? Get angry? Be honest with yourself.
Think outside the narrow box your mind created.
What about those people who travel slowly in the left lane (fast lane) and don't move over to the right lane (slow lane) when a car approaches their rear? They don't follow Rules of the Road 101.
What about those people with tons of bumper stickers? Are you so insecure you need everyone to know where you vacation, about your political views, what music you listen to, what shows you watch, where you're from, where you've been, where you're going ... blah blah blah blah blah. None of your messages are going to stop me from voting the way I vote (which is for the lesser of evils), eating red meat and all sorts of delicious animals with faces that crisp so nicely on my grill or in my oven, listening to the same music ... but wait, it's not about changing my views, am I right or am I right? It's all about knowing your views so I can know how awesome you are. Well, I don't give a damn about you and your views. Leave a little to the imagination, OK?
How about those people who chat on their cellphones in public with the speaker phone on? Or those who chat on their phone in places you shouldn't, like movie theaters, restaurants, libraries, doctors offices? Take it outside chief.
Why are people so out in the open these days? Letting you listen in on their conversations while wearing graphic tees sharing such wisdom as "I love my boyfriend," "Daddy's Little Angel," "Ninjas make better lovers" and "I'm a certain shade of indifferent." I wish you were a certain shade of shut the f- up but I guess I can't always get what I want, now can I? You can share your views on the Internet, and through your clothes, car and your big fat mouth but it doesn't mean you should. Yeah, I am sharing my views right now but you don't have to click on my link, you don't have to read my rants. I don't print out my blogs and glue them to the back windshield of my car or print them out on a T-shirt.
People want so badly to be heard, to be understood but for what reason? You talk and talk and talk and will never shut up until the day you finally die and accomplish nothing because no one can fully understand you, what you've been through and what you stand for, except you.
No wonder I don't like people. I'm an equal opportunity hater ... I don't like anybody!
Hmm ... people who take themselves too seriously, cruel and nasty people who believe they are the most wonderful thing to greet the universe since Earth formed, people who post cryptic or inappropriate Facebook comments, celebrities famous for traits beside talent, bad egotistical parents who think their poorly behaved children are cute, drama queens and kings who feed on making everyone as miserable as they are, loud and rude people, when people sit next to you at the movies or on public transportation when there are countless seats available, picky eaters who ask for things like one pickle and a squirt of ketchup at places like McDonalds or Burger King making you and everyone else wait in line longer (this ain't gourmet beeatch), narrow minded people, close talkers ... geez I need to stop.
Anyway, nothing is black or white. Yeah, maybe I need to relax and not get annoyed by these people because even if I tell them how I feel they will not change. I will be the a-hole. The jerk. It's a no-win situation. However, it's comforting that even though I overreact and get annoyed over things that, in retrospect, are stupid, it's not just me. There are a lot of stupid people out there.
It's not me, it's you.

NCIS, Law & Order: SVU, do crime shows distort view of real-life detectives and special agents? What about the real heroes?

After watching dozens of "Law & Order: SVU" and "NCIS" episodes I am left wondering ...
No, I'm not wondering whether Tony and Ziva or Olivia and Elliot will finally get down to the nitty gritty and do the deed, well at least not in this post ...
I wonder, like Del Shannon I wa-wa-wa-wa-wonder, what real-life detectives and special agents look like? Act like? Talk like? Obviously, they are sexed up for TV. Mariska Haritgay's beautiful face and beautifully curvy body (look at you with all those curves and me with no brakes!), Chris Meloni's hulking figure and steamy masculinity, Michael Weatherly's dimply smile and handsomeness, Cote de Pablo's tough girl sexuality ... Americans don't like ugly people ... at least we don't want to invite them into our living rooms week after week. We want you light, bright, damn near white and pretty.
I understand there's a gap between real life and TV life (duh) but how much of a gap? What are real-life detectives and special agents like? I see commercials for shows like "Covert Affairs" with hottie spy Piper Pablo and know this can't be the norm.
These shows are entertaining and exciting for the average person who lives their life on auto-pilot ... wake up, shower, coffee, breakfast, work, lunch, work more, home, dinner, TV, sleep ... lather, rinse, repeat. For the most part, we don't know much about fighting crime, whether it's for special victims in NYC or naval investigations or whatever, all we know is "crime fighting" sounds pretty damn exciting ... like superheroes. So, with that in mind, TV executives feed us crime fighters who have all the right moves while adding humanity.
Crime fighting is not only sexy, it's exciting, dangerous and badass! When I grow up I wanna be a detective daddy!
Also, more often than not, these shows have tight ends (get your mind out of the gutter) to the drama with help from fancy tools like DNA databases and fingerprint searches with pictures of felons and information, high tech forensic labs and sexy brainiacs like the dark hottie Abby Sciuto, played by Pauley Perrette, and the walking encyclopedia Ducky, played by David McCallum.
Detective Stabler follows his gut and grills the victim until she admits she was lying about being raped, a tough thug takes Ziva's status as a woman for granted and she beats the crap out of him with skilled ease. Each character has flaws, inner demons that come out to play from time to time. Stress from the job or a shaky relationship, problems working too many hours, deaths in the family, checkered pasts, etc.
Yeah, there are a lot of differences between these shows and real life, especially the not so exciting aspects of police work, aka paperwork and not solving the crime. However, what about looks? What do the real-life tough guys/gals look like?
I wouldn't know because these heroes aren't celebrated in society. Instead of a detective or agent who solves a big crime (in real life), we know and care more about Detective Benson and how she is the product of a rape. We know more about Timothy McGee aka McGoo, played by Sean Murray, and how he is awkward around women and loves video games.
We know more about TV characters than real people because it's safe. They are there when we want them and we can look in on their lives and turn it off when we've had enough. And what lives they lead! Exciting lives and high drama that always seems to end more or less happily. Wouldn't it be so nice if that was real life? Well, it's not so let's sit back, relax and play pretend and after a while, after episode after episode, that is what you will believe.
Also, especially with SVU, there are some pretty heavy topics ... rape, murder, abuse ... but it's OK because it's a TV show. If we get scared, we turn the boob tube off and think happy thoughts to fly to Never Never Land.
Believe none of what you hear and half of what you see.

Sarah Palin, Bristol Palin, Mud Monkey, Tripp, Levi ... Just Like Herpes, The Palin's Family Circus Empire Won't Go Away

People believe what they want, hear what they want. You read something online, maybe hear something on a TV show and you interpret it through your bias, whether you are aware or not.
U.S. President Barack Obama could whisper sweet nothings all night during TV interviews and press conferences, telling you everything is gonna be alright. Whisper, whisper, soothe, soothe. If you don't like his ass, you probably won't believe him and decide he's lying or at least some sort of charlatan, no matter his hustle or choice of words. You don't like him. It's easy to convince someone who is already on your side, aka preaching to the choir, but damn near impossible to convince someone who isn't, whether they have their mind made up or not, it's hard to break through the barrier of bias.
So ... with this in mind ... what is the deal with the Palin Family Circus? Week by week, month by month, they become more ridiculous, yet people snort it up like cocaine through a rolled up dolla bill.
Perhaps it's because the public enjoys a good spectacle, especially Sarah Palin's interesting take on American history (Paul Revere ... hey, it's not her fault, it was a "gotcha" question, you know, meant to trick her ... yeah, right. Tricks on you tea lady). Spectacles are fine. You can't look away from a train wreck or car crash. However, it's the people attending Sarah Palin's speech events, thinking she is just what America needs, that has me frightened. Not only because there are no heroes, no knights in shining red, white and blue armor to come rescue America from its trouble, even though people want to believe it when times are hard, but also because Sarah Palin and her coven are just what America doesn't need.
The Palins are carnies trying to hustle a buck (or several million) with their family drama as the opening, main and closing acts. Why do people take them seriously when it's so obvious they are ridiculous, no talent, white trash? It's like the public turned a family from an episode of Jerry Springer into celebrities as they unleash their drama in the media. Smacking us in the face, time after time, with reality shows, out-of-wedlock children, hate speech, a blabbering and embarrassing ex-fiance, blah blah blah
Last year an attorney for Sarah and Bristol Palin filed applications with the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office to trademark their names. Covering their asses as they build their political commentary and motivational speaking empire.
They didn't just stop there.
Bristol took great liberty with the term memoir and wrote her own, "Not Afraid of Life: My Journey So Far." This journey, all 20 years of it, deserves an entire book because it's so interesting, so detailed and groundbreaking ... too groundbreaking for an interview or two on the Today Show. She wants us to read her side of the story ... or perhaps she wants to remain in the spotlight and earn some moolah. Hmm.
Don't fret my pets. Levi Johnston's memoir, "Deer in the Headlights: My Life in Sarah Palin's Crosshairs" (can't make this up) is due out this fall. Can't wait!
Sike.
Their baby-mama, he-said she-said drama is so important it deserves books so we, the public, can understand what's going on behind the scenes (even though the curtain is almost see-through when it comes to their lives) and finally get answers to the big questions. No, I don't mean big questions as in what happens after we die or is God real or if we are alone in the universe ... I mean, why did Bristol have pre-marital sex?
Well ... according to E! Online, don't let your teenage daughter drink wine coolers.
While on a camping trip with her then-boyfriend Levi, aka the gnat, Bristol drank a whole mess of wine coolers and did the deed ... although she has no recollection. Must have been a lot of wine coolers! Although the couple agreed to not bump uglies again, they did and Bristol, who was taking birth control pills to help ease cramps (likely excuse similar to reasons behind her nose job), got pregnant anyway.
Wow. Why did she think this was crucial to explain in a book? Does she have no sense of decency, no respect for herself? This is information you shouldn't tell people. Oh wait, yeah, she wants money. OK, sell your self-respect for some bucks.
Bristol wants to share her story so other girls don't make the same mistakes -- even though she's glamorizing teen pregnancy and could star in MTV's "16 and Pregnant." She promotes abstinence, like her mama which we all know didn't work out so well. Maybe she should promote safe sex with condoms instead of abstinence or waiting until you are ready for sex. Abstinence for teens is like putting a junk food junkie on a diet where they can't cheat at all and then letting them run free in a world filled with temptation -- cookies, candy, ice cream, pizza, pies, cakes, doughnuts. These people are sitting in the great cafeteria of life eating salads while watching Tom, Dick and Nancy eat deep fried Snickers bars. They are going to slip up and pig out. Teenagers are full of hormones ... combining this with immaturity and peer pressure, abstinence isn't always going to work out so well, a la Bristol Palin.
Yeah, she learned from her mistakes (easy to do with famous Mama Grizzly) and wants to help others so they don't make the same ones. However, to learn we need to fall down. We need to have life bitch slap us in the face. We don't need a teen mom lecturing us -- so she can earn more than $262,000 a year -- about her mistakes. Picture teenagers in a room, listening to Bristol. Do you honestly think the majority will listen to her and change their lives? Or will they see her celebrity, her baby and think hmm, I could be a teen mom just like Bristol. Or will they tune her out all together, leave school, go to a party, drink alcohol, do drugs and have sex?
Bristol charges between $15,000 and $30,000 for each speaking appearance so, obviously, she's doing it for all the young impressionable girls out there. Yeah, right.
Let's see what else ... Dancing With The Stars (where she fared well due to her fans, aka The Tea Party movement and Mama Grizzly Bear) ... appearance on "Sarah Palin's Alaska," where she got in trouble for posting homophobic and profanity filled slurs on her Facebook page to all the Palin haters out there (great role model!) ... appearance on "The Secret Life of the American Teenager" (although she said she won't be doing anymore acting in the future because she likes her speaking engagements) and in a music video for Static Cycle (whoever they are) ... she's renting out her Arizona home for $1,400/month so she can relocate to Los Angeles to film her new reality show ... wait, I thought she wasn't into being an actress? What about the speaking engagements?
I could go on but, instead, please cue the circus music because if people are still fans of Bristol and Sarah Palin after gaining this knowledge, we are doomed.
Suddenly I feel bad for over-analyzing but then remember she's the one who puts her entire life out there to be scrutinized, in books, on TV, everywhere, she and her ridiculous family. Hopefully doctors can find a cure for Palinitis.

Why I don't understand the appeal behind watching The Bachelor and Bachelorette

OK. So, everybody has heard of "The Bachelor" and "The Bachelorette" ... obviously since millions of viewers tune in to watch season after season. Brad Womack, Jake Pavelka and Ashley Hebert, Ali Fedotowsky and Jillian Harris are household names, as well as the many contestants gracing the shows with their presence. These people are on covers of magazines, big news on entertainment news shows -- like Visa, they are everywhere you want to be. Apparently America wants to know where they are, where they've been, where they're going, what they eat, who they eat, what they buy, what they wear. We want to know all!
People get hooked on these reality television dating game shows featuring drama filled eliminations, fights, roses, jealousy, dates, Jerry Springer size baggage, vacations and stereotypically good looking white folk looking for love ... or for air time. Who will they pick? Do they really love him/her or the other guy/gal? What's he/she trying to hide -- lemme get a peek at those skeletons in your closet girlfriend!
Reality? What is reality anymore? Hamming it up on a TV show, trying to win the heart of some empty soul and live happily ever after ... but not in real life.
I don't understand the appeal of the show. Well, I should rephrase that. The show doesn't appeal to me. What's the point? So, you decide to enjoy the show, knowing it isn't real, and bask in its ridiculousness. But then, if it's not real, what's the point of the show? Fake dating? Fake boobs? Fake romance? Fake marriage? It's like watching a movie or reading a book when you already know the ending.
The end game is already a sham so why take the journey with these characters? I'm sure those in charge of picking contestants don't choose only those compatible. They want the checkered pasts, they want drama, they want big personalities, they want ratings -- all packed in hard bodies, bleached smiles, tanned skin and full dyed hair. But, why do we boost these people to celebrity status?
I'm embarrassed enough when I tell people, after being asked the typical question, I met my significant other in a bar (well through mutual friends but we happened to be in a bar at the time ... so, yeah, a bar) but how about we met on a dating show? Does the Bachelor or Bachelorette, as well as the 25 contestants, go on the show to find love or to boost a failing acting career and get their 15 minutes (or hopefully more if they're exciting enough for the viewing public) of fame ... as well as some booty which the public sees as blurred out boob shots and closed bedroom doors -- cue the porn music! Perhaps they get half a page in US Weekly or People, maybe a picture in "What Was She Thinking?" or "Stars, They're Just Like Us!"
It reminds me of shows like Jerry Springer, Cheaters and Judge Judy. You meet these people, hear their stories and almost fall into the trap but then ... wait ... why on earth would they want to air out their dirty laundry on TV? Attention!
At least with The Jersey Shore (my one trashy allowance) I know these people are stupid and it's a show based around their stupidity and obsession with alcohol, partying and sex. It's a train wreck of indulgent stupidity and trashiness. Of course they ham it up for the TV, guzzle more booze than usual, put on trashier clothes than usual, cause more drama than usual, but the end game is their ridiculousness not demeaning such a pious covenant such as marriage, a covenant that has been repeatedly disrespected for decades.
No, this isn't morphing into some gay marriage rant. Homosexuals should be allowed to have a civil union. Why shouldn't you be allowed to love each other and make a commitment if there is a separation between church and state? Obviously that separation isn't clearly marked! I am more concerned with people getting married for the wrong reasons, whether it be after some stupid reality dating show or for money or fame or whatever. What are we teaching our children? Get yourself some attention, but only if you are good looking because that's why people will like you. Otherwise, you should give up now or get yourself some plastic surgery. Money can guy happiness after all!
What if there are other forms of intelligent life out there? They are ready to help us, to come here and share their knowledge and show us places in the universe that are mere science fiction storylines but, when doing research to see if we are friendly, they noticed we spend a lot of time watching moving pictures on a big box so they decided to see why and watched popular shows like "The Bachelor" and "The Housewives of Orange County" and "Glee." What kind of impression would that give?
Barb. Beam me up Scotty, there are no signs of intelligent life here.

It's A Hot Tub Time Machine - Would You Change Your Past? Time Travel!

Just finished watching "Hot Tub Time Machine" and it got me thinking. Not about the Great White Buffalo or Adam's slut-tastic sister. Something deeper.
What if you could go back in time and chart a different path? Doesn't matter if you intentionally go there and are given the chance or wind up there. Would you? Would you risk it? It might not be fabulous, all sunshine and rainbows, like the movie. Maybe it's good, maybe it's bad. Would you take the risk? Do you want to walk along a different path?
Think back on your life. Did you meet your significant other at a young age? Did you drop out of high school or decide to follow a specific path in college? Do you have regrets? What if?
Maybe no. Maybe yes. Maybe an inkling of regret. Would you go for it?
Remember in high school when you dated so-and-so? What if you got married and had a kid?
Although it's interesting to think about, it reminds me of my high school Psychology teacher who always responded to "what if" comments with "What if the sun died out tomorrow?" We'd all be toast!

Weiner's wiener and get-out-of-jail-free-card ... it wasn't my fault, I'm a sex addict

I was going to add this as an addendum to my June 6, 2011 post, "It really was Rep. Anthony Weiner's wiener after all ... and that's just the tip of the iceberg that is Weinergate," but figured it deserved its own billing since it's becoming somewhat of a familiar excuse.
Unless you've been munching on freeze-dried astronaut ice cream sandwiches in a bomb shelter because of Harold Camping's persuasive commandments, you know the deal with Weiner's wiener, all the friends it made, all the trouble it caused. Hammin' it up for the camera, chatting online with girlies ... what a gifted wiener!
Yeah, Mr. Weiner shouldn't have lied about the ladies. He should have told people straight up, when the shit began to hit the fan, aka David Letterman-esque. I did it. I'm sorry. Aka, Republicans can't get me for lying, which is their only credible argument (duh, remember Bill Clinton? You obviously should since your wife works for Hilary. It's a small world after all.). Although, Weiner didn't even get it in or fondled! So he's got that going for him. No one did fornicate, so you gots to exonerate.
Whatever. So many issues, so little time, so I will cut to the chase. What's up with the professional help excuse men have been using as of late to cover up cheating? Rehabilitation for sexual addiction?
For all those greedy media gremlins thirsty for any bit of gossip, the sex addict excuse makes you look cold-blooded. How dare you pick on a sick person? He can't help it! He's sick! It's not like he wants to have a disease. All he can do is seek help. How brave of Mr. Weiner. The first step is admitting you have a problem.
Hi. My name is Anthony Weiner and I am a sex addict.
Hi Anthony!
But what about the 17-year-old, you know, one of the girls he was chatting with? She's underage. Wait until the media takes a bite out of that golden nugget! A sex addict with a name like Weiner was perfect enough but now add an underage girl to the mix ... oh yeah! ... but wait ... how dare they attack a sick man seeking treatment. He can't help his disease! Nobody ever says, "I wanna be a sex addict when I grow up!"
It's the 21st century. Sexting is the worst nightmare of modern day parents yet sex in general is a weird obsession with the American public. We all act like prudes but can't help ourselves when it comes to other peoples sex lives. Men tell their wives how women are dressing slutty these days with a disgusted look on their faces but surf porn sites when alone.
Weiner was OK until he copped out. We don't want the easy way out, we want Charlie Sheen, we want people admitting they are who they are and they don't care! Wave your freak flag high!
Sex addiction excuse: Eric Benet, Ryan Giggs, Kayne West, Michael Douglas, Tiger Woods, David Duchovny, Russell Brand, Bill Murray ... we've heard it many times. I have these urges, urges that are out of my control. I am hyper-sexual.
It couldn't be that, because of my fame, I figured I could get away with whatever. So, I did what I wanted. Just like Outback Steakhouse ... no rules, just right!
Hmm ... editors of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) rejected sexual addiction for its upcoming 2013 edition. However, the World Health Organization includes the diagnosis of excessive sexual drive in its International Classification of Diseases. Doesn't seem like all the main players agree!
Sexual addiction is treated like alcohol addiction with a 12-step program working to solve the problem of being unable to control the behavior (i.e. banging randos, dirty talk online, erotic 99 cents a minute chat) and continuing this behavior even though bad stuff keeps happening as a result of the behavior. Maybe you are manic depressive, maybe you are a narcissist or perhaps you have obsessive compulsive disorder.
Or maybe you got caught, you lied to cover your tracks but that didn't work so you told the truth ... well most of it but details are emerging daily (i.e. 17-year-old, using Congressional phone for live hot talk ... pictures of you nude in the Congressional locker room). Your colleagues are ready to crucify you but you don't want to lose your career and status. Obviously! You lied to everyone to keep it! So, you use your last card ... sex addiction. You aren't a bad person! You are a victim!
Excuse me but I don't buy it. Excuses don't solve problems. However, I am sure there has to be one guy out there, most likely many, with an addiction to sex. Unhealthy. The help received from therapy changes this guys life. Sex Addicts Anonymous. That's great but as with many diseases/disorders (i.e. ADD/ADHD, chronic back pain, depression, anxiety) it's easy to fake it until you make it. You say your back hurts. How am I supposed to know it doesn't? Maybe you pulled a muscle after lifting something heavy the wrong way or maybe you are an asshole craving the easy way out, craving attention. I don't want to be the dickface if you really hurt your back so I say nothing.
Also, with these in-your-head problems, many people are quick to give their own 2 cents. You know. Oh, you are depressed? (Insert your uncomfortable confession here, i.e. what you go through on a day-to-day basis). Their response? I was depressed once (because of course all depression and minds are alike) and know how you feel. You just need to get over it, move past it. You are weak. Be strong.
In Weiner's case, married men across the country are shaking their heads and saying, dude, yeah I get sexual urges, including some things I'm not so proud about, but I don't do them. I look at my Internet porn when my wife is away and watch others do the things I'm too shy to mention. If you are into talk, why not read Penthouse stories? As for married women across the country? Well they are giving Weiner the stink eye as they Google images of his spouse (which men do as well but just to see if she's hot because then it wouldn't make sense for him to cheat!).
Easily manipulated problems are chronically manipulated. Sad for those who truly suffer from the problem. Sad for those people who feel the stigma, the stigma dickheads like Weiner perpetuate. Shame, shame, I know your name and isn't it a delightful one!

Aggressive driving with psychos on the road -- courtesy honk if you're on the verge of a mental breakdown

This person -- I'm leaving sex, ethnicity and age out of it because assholes come in all shapes, sizes and colors, male and female, as my dad says ... God must love assholes because he made so many of them! -- so, this person was riding my ass today as I drove down the road in the little bubble that is my car ... bubble as in my personal space, not bubble as in Jake Gyllenhaal's bubble in "Bubble Boy."
Anyway, the car came so close to my back bumper it was absurd. I don't know you and we ain't playin' bumper cars! I, in turn, was stuck behind some slowpoke, a slowpoke who took their sweet ass time, never daring to go one mph over the speed limit for fear of a pig-nose cop magically appearing out of the mist to arrest them for breaking the law! A slowpoke I had no opportunity to pass, so there wasn't much I could do. Yet, this person continued to hover on my bumper.
After 15 miles of this nonsense, my annoyance level was reaching its peak. I'm not trying to play when I'm driving somewhere, i.e. drag race, check out what you workin' with sexy mama, blast music so everyone pays attention to my awesome-ness. I am trying to get somewhere and am too much in my head to worry about others.
So ... I began thinking about what joy it would bring to give this person a piece of my mind. You know, go all Sha Na Na on their ass, slam on my breaks and jump out screaming or maybe signal them to pull over and let the hate pour from between my lips, pour out of me like a caged demon, with one hand on my hip and the other with my pointer finger flinging around in the air, saying, "oh no you didn't!" Maybe do a little "Better Off Dead" and scream for them to get out of the car! Get out of the car. I'm going to activate your dental plan!
I know this will only give this person shit to complain about -- i.e. you'll never guess what happened to me today! -- and not make them change their driving habits so my thoughts turned to ...
How does this person know I'm not a complete psycho, wack-job, oh Papa Tooney, we got a Looney? How does this person know if I'm having a bad day? Maybe riding my ass like it's going out of style is the cherry on top of my psychotic-break sundae. With mental breakdowns becoming more common everyday, with parents shooting their families and drowning them in rivers becoming more frequent, this isn't completely inconceivable.
According to a 2009 article in USA Today, 10 percent of Americans (27 million) were taking anti-depressants in 2005 ... a number on the rise. The article also noted among anti-depressant users, the percentage of those receiving psychotherapy (talk therapy) fell from 31.5 percent to less than 20 percent.
As a skeptic, this leaves me a bit unconvinced. How did the people forming the numbers get this information? Was it part of a study? How do they know this and who are they?
Statistics aside, think about the people you know. How many of them are taking medication for emotional problems? Would you even know if they were? It's not like many people are comfortable sharing they take an anti-depressant because of the social stigma.
However, when you are sad, anxious, upset ... any negative emotion ... you want a quick fix. Maybe it's because you had a traumatic situation when you were a child and you were raised in a unstable household causing you low self-esteem, anxiety, extreme introverted tendencies ... blah blah blah ... let's dig deeper (hopefully you have a good psychotherapist) to find the problem and deal with it (soul searching) or you could take a mood lifting pill. Pop a pill and smile! You have the issues, the baggage, but you can forget about it and get on with your life ... well with some side effects from the medication but it's all good! Scary because there is no miracle drug, even though we want so badly to believe in miracles.
You are going to have ups and downs and need to know how to deal and learn from them sans medication. I'm not saying no one should take medication because some people need medication and everybody is different with different minds, situations, etc. However, not everyone needs medication. Medication isn't going to make your problems go away because the problems are still there, growing, feeding on each other, feeding on new problems because we all know shit is going to happen. That's life!
So, next time you are driving down the road, late for an appointment or for work or maybe you want to get home after a long day ... whatever ... next time you get stuck behind some slowpoke, slowing you up, think about this ... how do you know this person isn't a complete nut job? How do you know? Maybe you should keep your distance and wait until you can pass. Chill out, relax because wouldn't it be a stupid way to go out? Death after a slowpoke you tailgated got so angry they shot you? Pretty lame way to die.
You can't change the slowpoke but you can change yourself.

It really was Rep. Anthony Weiner's wiener after all ... and that's just the tip of the iceberg that is Weinergate

The bulge seen across the world. After days of denial, saying his Twitter account was hacked and the incident was under investigation, Rep. Anthony Weiner finally confessed. He Tweeted a picture of his bulging underpants to a lady friend. It wasn't some hacker. He did it.
He also admitted to having exchanges with six ladies before and after getting married (he got married last July after living la vida loca as one of New York's most eligible bachelors). He referred to these exchanges as inappropriate.
He choked up at the news conference. He apologized. Yet, he won't resign.
He never met any of these ladies, just chatted online and occasionally on the phone (including 200 sexually explicit messages reportedly sent to one lady from his now-closed Facebook account). He's sent pictures of his bulge, his bare chest, of him with two cats captioned "Me and the pussys." He never had sex outside his marriage and also isn't sure of the ages of these ladies, since it was virtual shenanigans ... which obviously means he doesn't feel bad because his wiener never got any direct contact and ... dun dun dun ... these ladies may not be of consenting age. One of these ladies happens to be porn star Ginger Lee, who Weiner sent sexy e-mails to for a long period of time and, when the shit began hitting the fan, coached on how to lie about their relationship.
Wait, of course sending pictures and chatting online and on the phone isn't cheating, right? He's different from other political sleazebags because he never got it in. Right? Didn't have wild sex with a call girl like Eliot Spitzer or a child-out-of-wedlock like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Right? So he's still one of the good guys.
Wrong. Although it was reported Weiner's wife was aware of these exchanges, except for the most recent, so maybe she's cool with it ... or Weiner told reporters this so his sleaze factor would go down a few notches.
While the cat picture gave me a chuckle (he's creative!) and I figure at least he didn't get caught sending a picture of his wiener, sans boxer briefs, a la Brett Favre, since no woman really wants to see that thing out and about (although some news outlets are reporting he sent various other pictures, including a picture of his bare twig and berries ... so ... gross). Weiner definitely gets a R for retarded (politically incorrect, I know, but as soon as people stop using the term ADD to refer to their general lack of motivation from not leading a healthy lifestyle instead of a medical diagnosis, I will take it back).
So, Weiner is an educated man so I figure he knows a bit about technology and how it's hard to cover your tracks. Facebook, e-mail, Twitter, text messages, phone calls ... you are leaving a footprint. Haven't you seen CSI? NCIS? Law & Order: SVU? They can find out who you have been texting, calling, e-mailing, messaging.
He should know this. So, maybe he thought he was smarter than the average bear and nothing bad would happen. He sent pictures of his face to tell these women, hey, it's really me! So, perhaps his ego is in charge of his common sense. Just chalk it up to a hacker! When you are an elected official, that's a pretty bad idea. When you take on that job you need to make sacrifices for the good of your position and constituents. Long hours, busy schedule ... not chatting with rando ladies (or possible dudes pretending they're ladies, who knows?) online. Why do politicians and their exploits often remind me of soap operas?
Was the juice worth the squeeze?
Also, is this the end of Rep. Anthony Weiner's political career or will Weiner rise again? Ok, enough wiener jokes ... for now ...

Thanks for stating the obvious Reese Witherspoon: Sex Tapes & Reality TV Are Not Good Mind Food

During last nights MTV Movie Awards, America's so-called sweetheart Reese Witherspoon received the Generation Award.
First thing coming to mind might be Robert Pattinson dropping the F-bomb in his awkward yet hilarious ad lib opening remarks about working with Reese on "Water For Elephants" between comments by McDreamy Patrick Dempsey (Reese's fiance in "Sweet Home Alabama," although I especially loved him as Ronald Miller in "Can't Buy Me Love") and the always funny Chelsea Lately. Although entertaining, I found Witherspoon's remarks on Hollywood starlets even more so.
She said, "I just wanna say to all the girls out there, it's cool to be bad, I get it ... but it's also possible to make it in Hollywood without a reality show."
She added, "When I came up in this business, if you made a sex tape, you were embarrassed and you hid it under your bed and if you took naked pictures of yourself on your cell phone, you hide your face."
Times sure changed since the days of Witherspoon as Dani Trant in "The Man in the Moon" -- times as in kids and what's acceptable.
She should be praised for her honesty and for being a role model. Of course, gossip rags across the web are shouting Witherspoon attacked Kim Kardashian (sex tape, reality star) and slammed Blake Lively (recent naked photo scandal) with her comments but they obviously missed the point. Or, more likely, they know the point but love stirring up trouble! Cough cough speculation cough cough stirring up drama cough cough ... I must be coming down with a summer cold!
Although she isn't as pure as the driven snow, Witherspoon is trying to show young, impressionable girls everywhere, the same ones in the audience at the movie awards, the same ones voting for Twilight and screaming hysterically as they catch a glimpse of Justin Bieber and Nikki Minaj and her big ole booty ... she is trying to show these girls that good examples are not being set, although these examples are being thrust into their wee little faces as if that's how it is.
You need to be like the adults pretending to be kids on "The Jersey Shore" or "Skins" or any of the "Real World" series. Sex tapes, naked photos ... they aren't a big deal anymore because everyone is doing it. Heck, oral sex isn't even sex anymore to a lot of kids.
Actions speak louder than words, which is obvious because I'm sure no one listened to Witherspoon (well hopefully at least one girl did). Well, many listened but that doesn't mean they came to any groundbreaking, life changing conclusions.
As I look back on my life it's easy to laugh at the younger versions of me. The impressionable me, the wild me, the I-am-going-to-pretend-I-don't-care-what-other-people-think-although-deep-down-I-really-do me. You learn by falling down over and over again and then, finally, one day getting with the program (hopefully), failing at the program but then, over time, growing up (finally!). However, it's a process. Life isn't easy and with the media following young starlets and stars around like stalkers, spreading the news of anything from fashion, to hookups to drama on the Internet, TV or in magazines, it's easy for young kids to get the wrong idea.
Boys want to be like The Situation and bang DTF chicks at the club and girls want to be like Kim Kardashian, fake boobs, fake smile, fake I'm-so-innocent (i.e. I am so upset W Magazine printed those nude pictures of me, I had no idea even though I had them taken in a studio with my consent. I'm not that kind of girl!), no talent yet making millions and living the high life. They don't want to work hard, get an education so they can get a good job because no one is showing them that's cool. Why do that when you can get a reality show ... you know, maybe be a teenage mom? What a great example.
I'm all for freedom of speech but I, as an older person who has fallen down a lot and learned the hard way, well I am able to watch "The Jersey Shore" and laugh at the exploits of Snooki and Sammi and the gang. It's funny. The most it ever does is make me want to have a drink or cause me to be happy I'm not so deluded.
So, I figure Witherspoon's comments were lost among a sea of nonsense the MTV Movie Awards brings every year (give the kids what they want) but it was really nice to hear a celebrity say it and mean the words. Maybe all hope isn't lost after all ... or it's the beginning of the end of social decency.

Looking out for number one: John Edwards indicted in affair, child-out-of-wedlock cover-up

A politician is a public servant. They are provided with fame, luxuries and a substantial paycheck in return for influencing public policy and laws affecting the lives of countless people. Although some of those served are hardworking, some not-so-much, politicians do what's best for the most. It's an extremely difficult job but important for the continuation of order and, although often criticized, is the best way of governing. Yeah, it's a lot of people putting their lives into the hands of one but it's the best thing we got. Politicians do the best job with what they have for the most people, that is, if they aren't a complete piece of crap.
So, when I see news like that of John Edwards being indicted for violating election laws by accepting almost $1 million from supporters to cover up an extramarital affair with Rielle Hunter (and an out-of-wedlock daughter) during his 2008 presidential campaign, according to USA Today, I get a bit angry.
If word got out about Hunter and his child with her, his political aspirations, especially for president, would be done. He was thinking about himself and his future only, not about the American public or his wife who was suffering from an incurable form of breast cancer -- yes it was in an incurable form when the affair began, according to The LA Times. He copped to the affair in 2008 but only copped to the kid last year, days before the release of a tell-all book by ex-campaign aide Andrew Young.
So many things to be cynical about, not enough time.
Edwards wanted to fight for the disadvantaged. He wanted to end poverty and provide healthcare for all. His platform depicted him as one of the good guys trying to help those who are helpless, aka the little people. It's the ultimate hero, going back centuries. I felt sorry for him because his wife, who was a courageous and amazing role model, had breast cancer and his son died at 16 in a car accident. How tragic. I believed him to be a good person but isn't that what politicians do? Work out an image and stick to it whether they mess up or not? They have an image to uphold so you believe in them because don't we all want something to believe in? Especially when politics come into play, when they deal with stuff you don't want to worry about because, honestly, you don't have the answers. So, if they fuck up, you can blame them. With problems this large -- poverty, homelessness, crime, unemployment -- there are no perfect answers. No answer to any real-life problem is ever perfect because life isn't perfect, whether we believe it or not. So, we put our hope in the lesser of evils, i.e. John Edwards with his tragedies and his nice hair and smile.
So, he had an affair (maybe more, who knows? But Hunter got preggers with his kid so we know about this one). Turns out Edwards wasn't such a good guy after all. Shocker! I'm not mad, so much, about the affair. Yeah, he's a sleaze who didn't have enough courage, wasn't man enough, to divorce or separate from his wife, (who was battling cancer!!!!!!) probably because that would look bad for his public image. So, he had his fun with this woman on the side to keep himself satisfied while keeping the look of family man, $400 haircut and all, until he couldn't cover it up anymore. Hunter was pregnant and the ex-aide knew all and was planning to tell the world the real side of John Edwards. Now it's time to fess up before the shit hits the fan.
Think of this as a big math equation. What keeps coming up? John Edwards. He didn't think about his wife, his family, his career. He didn't think about serving the public he so wanted to help (at least the public he said over and over again he wanted to help. Actions speak louder than words Johnny Boy.). He didn't take his role as public servant seriously because all he was interested in serving was himself, literally and figuratively.
All of this makes me angry, appalled, disgusted but what makes me the angriest is politicians abusing power. Maybe Edwards went in to office trying to help the little people, I don't know for sure, but whatever the case, the power went to his head. He forgot about the little people, about serving his country, doing what's best, and instead focused on himself. Doing what he wanted and covering it up so he could still have a chance at the presidency. Because in his world, it's all about him!
And of course, his answer to these charges is he's not guilty. He's sorry for all he's done and will always regret the "pain and harm" he's "caused to others," but he never broke the law or thought he was breaking the law when he was given money to cover up the affair and love-child, even though he knew it would tarnish his reputation and chances in the political arena.
Whatever.
I don't have any answers on how to fix politics, how to make politicians less greasy and greedy. Of course not all of them are ... maybe we hear so much about the bad ones and not enough about the good ones. I don't know. I do know something has to be done to clean it up because if the government doesn't work on cleaning up politics, it's going to get worse instead of getting better. So many people want something to believe in so more John Edwards are going to come along, with their tragic pasts, sick wives and forked tongues, spouting off just want the downtrodden want to hear.