End of 2010 rubbish

With the end to the calendar year looming, the Internet and TV are overloaded with lists of the best of 2010 in numerous areas, from celebrity romance to best music. While most are overwhelmingly annoyed with the amount of lists and TV specials on the subject, I am fascinated by the annual pandemic.
It's the time of year when people pause from life's hysteria and look back at the past 12 months to reflect and take stock. What did you do this past year -- did you get married, divorced or start a new romance? Did you start a new job? What changed? It's a progress report but this time you are both teacher and student -- learning and advising.
It's also the time when people reflect on what hasn't changed. Are you still smoking? Are you still working a job you hate? Did you not lose those pounds you so were so motivated about at the beginning of 2010? Are you in the same life position as last year at this time, reflecting on the year and being disappointed?
We all do it -- there's something about the start of a new year, starting January over, that feels like a fresh start, like a rainfall washing away last year's mistakes and setbacks. People don't think in terms of getting older, but starting over. This time they will lose weight or stop smoking or quit their job or end their failing marriage. This time will be different. You don't want another year to pass by and be in the same situation. It's the ultimate renewal.
There is no seizing the day to this annual rubbish. It's an excuse -- like looking at a hunk of chocolate and saying, "I'll start my diet tomorrow" and then chowing down. The motivating factor is soon gone and when "tomorrow" comes, there are always more tomorrows for your reasoning.
The best way to stop smoking or lose weight or whatever it is that bothers you is to do it! Today is the perfect day, right now. Even if you already ate something fattening today or smoked cigarettes or whatever, so what? Instead of thinking in days or months or years, think in terms of minutes and seconds because you don't know when your final second will come, your final heart beat, your final breath, your final thought.

Barack Obama's waste of time

Really? Barry O ... I've made excuses for you since your election, telling people that change doesn't happen overnight, that you're doing the best you can with the given situation, blah blah blah. So when I learned today that you called Philadelphia Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie to thank and congratulate him for giving monster Michael Vick a second chance, making a worldwide statement ... I sighed with disgust. Really?

As president of the United States, you have the floor, people across the world are in waiting for your thoughts, feelings and actions, whether they like you or hate your guts. With this floor comes the accepted understanding that you are a busy man, with wars, a bad economy, terrorism, high unemployment, etc. So to make a public statement like this with such a busy schedule, makes people pay attention.

Why on Earth would this be on your to-do list for the day or for ever? Michael Vick is a convicted monster. Does he deserve to be unemployed forever? No. Does he deserve to be re-instated into the NFL, which is a privilege, where he is idolized by impressionable children, makes millions of dollars and lives in luxury. Hell no. He didn't just make a mistake, he made a serious of mistakes for a long time and was only "sorry" after he got caught, which happens to most criminals! He was told by NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell that his conduct was "not only illegal, but also cruel and reprehensible." Pretty strong words.

People deserve second chances but you shouldn't forget about their mistakes, especially if they were heinous. Vick deserves a second chance but he does not deserve to be a part of the NFL because he broke the rules and does not deserve the privilege. Shame on you Obama for making this statement. Yeah, you are probably fishing for votes but to make such a statement really is stupid and a waste of your time. How about trying to fix the state of affairs for the U.S. instead of trying to get votes and praise a monster! How about using a true success story as an example, like an individual who made a mistake but then worked to turn their life around, not some overpaid monster.

Hugh Hefner and vanity

The World Wide Web is buzzing with news of Hugh Hefner presenting his 24-year-old girlfriend, Crystal Harris, with an engagement ring on Christmas Eve. Normally news of a holiday engagement would fill me with fuzzy feelings of cliche-ridden envy, but with Hefner's age peaking years ago and, at 84, on a free-fall towards earning him 72 virgins and a one-way ticket to hell ... all I think is why? What's the point?
Yes ... as her wikipage notes, she is blonde, 34-25-35, 5'6", 124 pounds, D-cup (yes I got this all from wikipedia) which equals American men panting vigorously from closed bathroom doors, but that's not what I thought of when I saw the announcement on yahoo.com's homepage (which, as their big news of the day, makes me sad).
Hugh Hefner is 84. He can claim this young, hot blonde as his (grunt grunt), but dude, you're old as shit. Come on. I could go on and on about this girl wanting you for your money and fame (After beginning dating him, the struggling musician signed a recording contract ... shocker!), but the relationship and engagement is embarassing. Instead of it being seen as a reason for men and some women across the globe to be envious, I find it sad. Very sad.
You have a lot of money and fame, so you can get stereotypically hot women. So what? You look like an idiot, a creepy idiot. I'm not putting down anyone who dates older people. From five years older to even 25 years older ... it's done all the time and isn't that big of a deal. But when you're 84 and past your prime, when you're probably more concerned with buying the right type of Depends or Metamucil or hearing aid, it's time to throw in the towel (not as in it's time to die but it's time to realize you aren't a pussymagnet). When you are that old and known for not being able to "perform," what's the point? You can't do anything with her, she's just arm candy.
I guess some may say since he is the mogul of Playboy, he must have a Playgirl by his side. How about one that's like 40 or 50? That would make more sense. Seeing a picture of Hefner with that blonde bimbo makes my stomach uneasy. Your mind quickly goes to A. he's in it because he thinks she's very hot. B. He think she's hot so he's sexually attracted to her. C. He is going to have some sort of sexual relation with her. D. An image of him naked. Gross.

Myths and truth

What would you think if someone confided in you something typically thought of as outlandish? From the pleasant -- Santa Claus is real -- to the sinister -- they had a run-in with a vampire, a zombie or a demon. Would you quickly think their confession was bogus or would there be a part of your thinking that wasn't shocked into disbelief? A small tickle at the back of your mind that said: "Oh man, they are real!"
I'm not talking about what you would think after getting all the facts and making a decision. I mean your gut reaction to their confession.
People are quick to deny anything they can't understand or don't want to understand. If vampires were real, for example, this would change day-to-day life and the balance between folklore and truth. These mythological creatures of ancient lore would no longer be something merely scaring teenagers on the big screen in blockbuster movies a couple times a year, but lurking in the shadows or whatever the legend leads us to believe. You know, pale skin, dark clothing, fangs, coffins ...
Maybe vampires are real and they spread the lore so people will be cautious OR so people think the legend is bogus so they can live freely and no one would suspect a thing. Then they create more and more movies and literature about themselves, making it more and more accepted that vampires are bogus.
I just watched the 2008 version of "Let the Right One In" (which I highly recommend). In addition to highlighting bullying and murder, the film is about a vampire. As the bodies pile up, I couldn't stop wondering what I would think if someone told me vampires were real or if I read about it in the newspaper. Bodies, sucked dry of blood. Two teeth marks on the neck. Would you believe it?

NFL not just for heroes

A headline in the news today had me confused ... "Pittsburgh Steelers list Ben Roethlisberger as questionable." Yes, very questionable indeed.
Although the article discusses the broken bone in his right foot that may keep him from playing in Sunday's big game against rivals the Baltimore Ravens, my first thought was questionable in terms of character.
Big Ben, who I often refer to as Ben Rapelsberger, has been in the news over the past year or so for more than his good throwing arm. Two sexual assault allegations, one resulting in his six-game (later reduced to four) suspension. Story is he likes to pick up drunk-ass college chicks at college bars (who doesn't?). However, Benny Boy likes to get his bodyguard to usher them into the bathroom so he can share what he's working with (which makes me think of Brett Favre sexting pics of his wang -- not something I'd define as a turn on for most ladies).
Being in the NFL is a privilege. While males across the U.S. work 9 to 5 jobs, climb the corporate later and put in overtime doing work they typically don't enjoy, NFL players toss around the pigskin, playing the all American game of football for millions of dollars. The workouts and trainings are hard, don't get me wrong, but the bottom line is that they play a game for millions. Playing for big name teams, they are thrust into the spotlight and with this shining light comes attention from young and old, impressionable and impassive.
Most boys and some girls begin watching football early on with the male (typically) role models in their lives -- uncles, fathers, older brothers. It's a pastime that is passed down from generation to generation. Men and women alike spend hundreds of dollars and hours devoted to a football team each year, the wins and the losses. It's a large part of their lives -- preseason, the draft, regular season, playoffs, the Superbowl, injuries, paying $8+ for a draft beer at the stadium, etc.
What I don't understand is how people like Big Ben or Michael Vick (who served time in prison for an illegal dog fighting ring) are allowed to play with such misconduct in their personal lives. When I see Michael Vick on the big screen, I am filled with anger and disgust. A convicted monster (Vick) is given the privilege of playing football. He gets paid millions of dollars and lives a life of luxury even though he is a criminal!
Of course we know why he was allowed back -- he's a good player, but think about the children that watch the Eagles and see his strong throwing arm and think, "wow, I want to be like Michael Vick." What are you going to do? Tell your child to not root for Vick or Benny? When he asks "why daddy," what are you going to say?
The whole thing leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
The NFL needs to have more respect for the tradition of professional football and not allow these undesirables the privilege!

Grammy Awards ... and the nominees are ...

... "creators" of mostly stale, unoriginal notes, beats and nonsense.
I can't be the only one who has stopped listening to new music -- not listening to music on the radio or downloading new songs or albums from iTunes. I haven't watched a new music video -- or a music video for that matter -- for at least 10 years.
Maybe I'm getting long in the tooth but as I read the hype about the recent Grammy nods -- who's in and whose feelings got miffed -- I am indifferent. Is there any new music?
Obviously there are millions of people across the world who care, you are surfing the web or TV for news about the nominees and their reactions to being nominated ... blah blah blah ... but I can't find any interest -- except for the fashion part of the event, which I review the day after the big soiree on the Internet, eyeballing the photos as if I could afford any of those threads or looks.
I'm not so out of the loop that I don't know and enjoy some of the nominees ... Eminem, Cee-Lo, Jay-Z, Lady Gaga ... as for the rest, I either don't recognize the name or do but never listened to their work. I only listen to the radio for talk or for oldies (I'm talking '90s and later). I won't switch it off if a new song comes on but I don't search them out.
I attribute this love of new music to youth, budding teenagers meet these artists as their first taste of the music scene, the first drop that will linger in their system forever. To them, this is new because of their lack of past experiences with older music to use as comparison or this isn't their first taste but they hate their parents so much that they also hate their musical tastes, as well as their fashion, speech and overall existence. I remember my youth and the bands and musicians I was obsessed with, their posters glued to my wall, their notes screaming out of my headphones as if they knew exactly what I was going through and could help.
What I don't understand are the older folk. Yeah, I like Lady Gaga, but I love older stuff. Music is like relationships: human beings are only capable of handling so many close friends. Isn't it the same for music? There are people who will fall for anything new, new music, new restaurant, new TV show, new books, new clothing styles, new, new new ... check me out, I know what's cool!
Stop cheating on your first love with these posers! Love the one you're with.

Illegals, aliens, undocumented workers ... whatever

Recently, The Fresno Bee published a seven-day series focusing on issues surrounding illegal immigration in a portion of California. As a hot topic in California and across the nation, it's not surprising it was front page news. What was surprising was the angry response from readers -- so angry one reader called for a boycott and started a social media campaign.
What about, you ask? They want the newspaper and news media in general to stop using the terms "illegal aliens" and "illegal immigrants" in favor of "undocumented worker" or "undocumented immigrant." To them, the word illegal is the new N-word and is dehumanizing. Show me your papers!
Are you serious?  To me that's like calling a criminal "someone who wronged." The word illegal is in no way related to the N-word, it is simply what they are -- illegal.
This isn't some people being politically correct (which I occasionally have difficulty understanding) but being manipulative, trying to change the focus in the immigration debate from the important to the absurd. You can label them whatever you want but it doesn't change the fact that they use money that belongs to Americans who pay their taxes, go to work and contribute to society. They are bankrupting America!
By trying to change the focus, these people are wasting time and energy that politicians could use to solve a big problem that's not going to change whether you call them illegals or visitors or guests or extraterrestrials.
Hold your horses if you think I believe we should round them all up and send them back like this is the Wild West. No. The ones who are here should be made citizens if they are law abiding and have a job so they pay taxes, contribute and are punished if they commit a crime, etc. Get them to learn some English and join the melting pot that is America.
We need the government to finish the debate and make some decisions, because the problem is only getting worse and these angry readers aren't helping anyone.

Are you the Keymaster?

I came across a sentence tonight from the Douglas Adams series, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy," that caused me to feel more uncomfortable than usual.

"He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it."

Perhaps I've eagerly watched one too many Science Channel shows about the end of the world, aliens and space the final frontier, but what do we know? Our lives could be illusions.

What if ... your life is a dream and when your day comes to meet your Maker and you close your eyes a final time to "die," you wake up in a different life -- as the other sex or a different animal in the same year as your death and on the same planet, etc. ... or in the future or past ... or on a different planet ... or in an alternate dimension ... Your mind will be erased and you can try again, possibly getting it right this time. Your memories will cause deja vu occasionally but you won't know the secret behind the foggy confusion.

The universe is too big and complex for this to be so simple.

Go outside on a clear night and look at the stars -- that does the trick to knock me down a couple pegs and remind me I am an insignificant life form, living like a rat in a cage -- and so are you.

What if we are characters in a computer game with some one or some thing at the keyboard, pressing keys like pulling strings on a marionette. My life is boring when compared with the plot to most computer games, but, plot aside, the game would sell if people (or whatever is playing) know they are controlling a breathing, living human life.

The game is virtual reality but if humans knew this, they would take advantage, so we are left out of the loop and instead someone is at the helm ...

Bah humbug

After writing a feature story on Hanukkah and discovering it's not about eight crazy nights of presents and dreidels but celebrating religious freedom and a revolution, my thoughts turned to the holidays.

The holidays – the “season” from late November to the New Year -- have turned into a stressful, monstrous jerk.

Take Thanksgiving – instead of pilgrims sitting at a wooden table with Native Americans sharing a meal with fresh maize in the middle of a beautiful, vibrant forest (which I doubt happened but whatever) and celebrating the harvest from Mother Earth and diversity, the holiday is devoted to gluttony and Black Friday specials.

One or two unlucky saps stuck in a kitchen for hours, cooking fat laden foods so their family can shove it down their throats and watch a football game or parade. Do people consider what they are thankful for longer than the seconds it takes to think of something after someone (often the “jerk”) says “let's go around the table and say what we're thankful for” and they blurt out a generic response because they're more focused on digging into a 2,000+ calorie feeding and unbuttoning their pants later (or maybe they planned and are donning their “fat” pants) and vegetate? Does anyone feel “thankful” that day? Not forced thankfulness that is focused on for seconds, while everyone around the table says why they're thankful, hopefully not “stealing” you're answer.

It's sad when you need a national holiday to remind you once a year to be thankful.

Take Christmas – which starts earlier and earlier every year (even Christmas in July). Most people obsessed with Christmas celebration aren't practicing Christians (the holiday is supposed to be about Jesus after all), so the whole thing reminds me of gay people wanting to get married in a church. Why do you want to get married in a place where your lifestyle is considered evil? Why do you want to celebrate a holiday you don't believe? These people believe, instead, in their homes covered in blinding bulbs and plastic reindeer, in Santa Claus, miracles and snowmen. They believe in knickknacks, plum pudding, mistletoe and Christmas songs. But what about Jesus? This is not a sermon. It's hilarious that Christmas evolved into a worship of money, gifts, food and a fat old man instead of a Christian holiday. As for me, I believe in Willie from "Bad Santa."

Excess clouds the mind and takes the focus away from the roots of the holiday – togetherness and love -- and, instead, the spotlight shines on buying gifts at a crowded shopping mall you can't afford on Black Friday for people and family, most of whom you don't even like, or waiting until the day before Christmas to make a mad dash on your laptop and pay about $50 in express shipping charges. It's about gaining 15 pounds in your gut after overloading on green bean casserole, Christmas cookies, pumpkin pie and dead bird, and running around like a chicken with its head cut off and not enjoying the moments ... no wonder people drink so much from late November, throughout the merry month of December, and especially on New Year's (after they realize their resolutions from last year were forgotten after half a month and will be again).

I'm not Scrooge or the grim reaper coming to snatch your holiday bliss. I want people, including myself, to slow down. It's hard with commercials and advertisements rudely staring at you nonstop, and the deep set need to provide for your family, but just shut up.

I am not advocating locking yourself in your home, disconnecting from the world and hibernating until after Jan.1, when the annual Apocalypse ends. I don't want you to go against what you believe.

Simply your holidays. Quit filling moments with your loved ones by Googling on your laptop (stuff you wouldn't have Googled in the first place if you didn't have your finger on the pulse of the Internet 24/7) or texting on your Blackberry. Instead of being swept away to the land of holiday food, decorations, fancy clothes, parties, gifts, and using your "good" china ... focus on the people, the memories, the conversations and moments you share with your relations (like it or not) and the ones you love. Don't worry about buying the perfect present or baking the perfect turkey or hosting the perfect holiday party because, if you do, you'll miss it – you'll miss life, and any way, these holidays have become so consumer driven. Fight back! Take your holidays back from Hallmark, retail stores and Black Friday bargains and don't look at your empty wallet or embarrassing credit debt, that's not going to be important when you're 6 feet under.

Getting felt up at the airport

John Tyner and the Transportation Security Administration.

A man got prissy when his groin was patted for weapons before he was to board a plane -- which some still consider a luxury. He feels he was “sexually assaulted” by the “government” (aka Big Brother is watching and also feeling you up) which was like a mating call to the media. He was quickly thrust into the spotlight like a piece of sizzling bacon to all the coach potatoes glued to nighttime news shows, in turn causing a mass hysteria about our rights as Americans.

Does this fellow honestly think these rules were instigated so hard working tax payers could cop a feel and violate his rights? Boo hoo.

Does no one remember Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab – the “Christmas Day bomber” -- who concealed plastic explosives in his underwear? The holidays are approaching and for glutenous, self-absorbed Americans this means overeating, going gift shopping and trying to pretend you like your family.

For people trying to kill Americans, this means “jackpot.” People will be traveling to visit family, preoccupied with gift buying, gaining weight from holiday overeating – which has become as accepted as the Freshman 15 -- going to uncomfortable holiday work parties, and sending greeting cards with pictures of their family smiling in a leaf filled backyard, pretending they are so happy long enough for the flash, along with a detailed letter about how wonderful their lives are and what little Johnny did at school this year and just how fantastic life is ...

These terrorists are becoming more creative and the government needs to do what they can to stop their creative juices from flowing into dead Americans. If that means when I fly somewhere I'm going to be felt up by some dick-in-a-box, then OK. It's not humiliating or a violation if it's happening to everyone else in line.

If being felt up means that my flight is going to be safer and it won't blow up and end my life – then go right ahead, touch me!

Anonymous

With such anonymity on the Internet, people are free to spew ideas and feelings all over the world wide web and smack in the face of authors. Boo ya! They don't need to feel the eyes of their audience or the tension or awkwardness thick enough you could cut it with a knife. They don't even identify themselves. They comment, rant and come unglued. Let it all out and it's all better like having a good cry.
This anonymity turns cowards into outspoken pioneers. These harsh comments, which would otherwise be left scribbled on tear-soaked pages in a journal or used as fuel for an angered inner or outer monologue, are released, exorcised like demons.
These anonymous authors, who don't leave contact information, create hurt feelings, frustration, damaged egos and heated discussions. They are safe to say whatever they desire because there is no filter -- the filter that halts people before they press send on that e-mail they typed for 30 minutes or press send on a cell phone. That hesitation ... do I really want to do this? Should I just let this go? They take a deep breath and remind themselves why they are sending this e-mail or calling this person, maybe have the reasons jotted down on a piece of paper. They look at the send button and a wave of nervousness rushes over them.
This filter keeps people from being rash. It is crucial and keeps a-holes from being bigger a-holes and keeps the entire a-hole population down.
Anonymous egomaniacs quickly press send or enter because there are no consequences. They sit in their underwear on a Friday night eating out of a gallon size container of cookies and creme Turkey Hill and comment on websites and blogs, anywhere, petting their cats before they find another victim. Or send anonymous letters or leave anonymous voicemail without their name or phone number, all so they feel tough and heroic.
The filter is present with secondary sources of communication, such as e-mail, but weakened because a person can slowly compose a message, wording it just so, without face-to-face awkwardness, without nervously watching for a response. How cutting edge! Look how far we've come grandpa!
Anonymity should be illegal. How many people would still send that rant they composed, without giving their words or emotions a second thought, if they knew they would be identified?
People who send these rants don't want a response. They don't want to hear the other side, they want that exhilaration, that "well I sure told them what's what!" Big man with the guts! Let's all fawn over how tough he is because Americans love the bad ass, the man or woman who will do all the things they wish they could -- act out all those thoughts and fantasises they've silenced over the years like screaming at their boss or that guy who cut in front of them in line, or that loudmouth in the back of the movie theatre who feels the need to comment on every f-ing thing.
I'm sure good could come out of anonymous letters or messages but why let all these a-holes get by for a few shy heroes?
In "real" life, not found on the Internet, people need to stand up for themselves when situations happen, not days later in an e-mail or on a voicemail. Those loud people walking down the street cat calling or that woman in the grocery store who said, "look at that tall white girl. Good God she sure is tall." Not many people respond to these speech crimes and when they do it's only brief. Keep on walking and keep your head down, don't make eye contact. Are we afraid if we say something these people will attack us?
All those bullies in schools across America picking on kids who won't or can't fight back. Why not call them out on the spot? I got picked on because I happen to be the size of an Amazon, among other reasons. How I wish I would have responded to the taunts with, "So did that comment make you feel better about yourself? Make you feel all tough and glorious?" What would they have said to that?

Shut your mouth

I would love for everyone, including myself, to lose the ability to communicate for a week – a day would not be adequate for permanent change. People need to move past the exciting feelings associated with the newfangled and move towards negative emotions that come when they feel they will never communicate again -- fear, stress, worry as to why this happened, will it ever end ... With negative emotions comes the urge and fuel to change.

This week will include no talking, no sign language or e-mail, blogging, twitter, text or phone ... nothing. People communicate too much, especially talking.

There is an urgency and uneasiness with talking. We can't be silent. Not the urge to speak but also the confusion from others when we are quiet. Not speaking is seen as negative, attributed to anger or sadness.

When we spend time with someone or a group, it is human nature to speak. Silences make people uneasy, nervous. Is it because we can't read minds?

Speaking makes me nervous. Talking too much makes me nervous. People are constantly judging – looks, actions, posture, movement, speech. Since I can't be invisible, I want to take speech away.

I will not say something that might offend or be taken the “wrong way.” I will not say anything.

What will happen then? Will people learn and change or will they be thrilled to have communication back that they forget the emotions they encountered during the week? It's easy to forget and to return to routine, much easier than making lasting change.

Fanatics are liars

They're loud, emotional and unwavering in their beliefs. At an appropriate place or not (when is it ever appropriate?), from their mouths will spew “how it is” and “what's going on” locally, nationally and internationally like a garden hose. Instead of "I think ... " or "In my opinion ... ," they speak the ultimate truth. “You need to do this ... “ or “This Senator so-and-so is a liar because ... “ The world is flat, the Bible should be followed literally, you're a bad person because ... , I'm right, you're wrong, vote Democrat, vote Republican, if you mix Pop Rocks and Coke and drink it your stomach will explode!

I zone out until they catch me and break their blabbering to ask me a question like a pop quiz! Pay attention to me, I'm telling you ground breaking truth!

How do they find time to be so ridiculous? I hardly have enough mental juice to power me through the workday and life. Try to put in an eight-hour day (working or not, at least I look like I am) and wake up early and move fast enough in the morning – eat breakfast, take a shower, put on clothes, put on make-up, pack a lunch – to get to work on time, where I try to get work done while also handling anything else – family calls to catch up or have me “lend an ear” to a situation, eating normally (even though those f-sticks bring in pizza and cookies and brownies all the time – I can hear the sweet goodness calling me -- the sound as soft as the hum of a copy machine ... eat me, one bite won't hurt, you deserve it, you've had a long day, make up for it at the gym ... if I even go). But I digress.

These fanatics believe in huge issues one way or the other and it rules their existence -- it boggles my mind. They are brainwashed by the media or someone else or they are a believer in anything that pops into their head.

I don't believe in absolutes so it's odd that something is 100 percent anything. What the hell do I know? Can you think of anything you are fanatical about? It's always the fanatics who don't believe they are fanatics ...

The media turns these wackos into instant celebrities, following their moves and turning gossip or news into front page headlines – these narrow-minded, bigoted and judgmental fanatics want the spotlight, they need it, they feed on it like a drug addict. That should be another drug addiction – celebrity. The show “Celebrity Rehab” should help celebrities get over their egos, but it would be extremely difficult.

Fanatics never change their opinion, no matter what you do or say -- abortion protesters and hot ticket items, like subjects you should not discuss in mixed company or with extended family if want to keep from being a total jerk and making everyone uncomfortable in an already uncomfortable situation. Politics, war, abortion, racism, religion – where opinions are mostly black and white.

Although they are complicated topics with layers and circumstances, people are mostly one way or the other and ready to scream their heads off about their stance. Or is it mostly the media, presenting us with these nut-bars and shoving them in our face when, honestly, there are only a handful of them?

Everyone is scared. Like diet fads, everyone wants an easy solution to these hot topics and the fat stuck to their waistlines. Work out and eat healthy? Nonsense! Take this pill. Weigh options and be comfortable with unknowns? No way! Believe this!

Are these people truly fanatical? No. They are lying to you and to themselves, either subliminally or on purpose, which is sad because they harm others by doing this, their children and those who are easily moved. They are scared shitless. Instead of weighing options and being comfortable with not knowing, instead of believing everyone is entitled to an opinion, they feel safer with extremes, with black or white. The Bible is truth. Follow the Bible completely and you go to Heaven. Don't and you go to hell. It's that easy folks!

What happens when you die? Does your body stay here and your soul go somewhere else? Is there a soul? Does your mind click off like turning off the TV? Game over. Thanks for playing!

It's scary to think about this and similar topics but even if I am pushed to believe something specific, I will always know, in the back corner of my thoughts, that I don't know. I don't know anything and neither do you.

Truth and gossip

Every person is guilty of gossiping or at least entertaining gossip at least once, if not 100 times. The old, “he said, she said” saying will always be relevant. Life can be like a game of telephone – you start out with a statement and end with something contrary, if not on an entirely different topic altogether.

However, slow your mind and think about information and how you find out if it is false or true – if you even do that instead of accepting it right away.

You could have 100 people witness a situation, and have 100 different opinions and reactions. The mind is influenced by so much, including past experiences – whether you remember them or not -- values, morals, current environment and emotions, and prejudices -- whether people acknowledge them or not. The mind is also going full speed ahead captain! without much time to pause before you're late for work, a meeting, a social engagement, trying to get 7-8 hours of sleep or 30 minutes of exercise ... Then if you don't get enough sleep, your mind is muddled. No one said life was easy – if they did, they're selling something.

Also, people are quick to believe, whether it be speech or written information. There are many portals to information (too many) – newspapers, magazines, TV, the Internet, DVDs, CDs -- that leave the author removed, if not totally absent, and able to say or write whatever they want, however they want. Then there is always word-of-mouth, the most potent, where people take friends and acquaintances for being ultimate holders of total truth.

It reminds me of learning how to do “research” in high school. My teacher said that we needed to gather information from various sources that are “reputable.” I.e., you're writing about World War II and want to use information from a recognized encyclopedia instead of a homemade website that Joe Smith put together in his basement during commercial breaks from a marathon of “The Young & The Restless.”

What is reputable these days? So many people rely on specific sources for information – not because they believe it's necessarily reputable but because they are given “what they want to hear” and are allowed to exist in their narrow-minded world – mostly done subliminally.

Did you hear that commercials may become shorter to compete with the low attention spans of Americans? Why do you think that is? Do we all have Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD)? I don't think so (even though that's what people want to believe when they can't “pay attention” so they can get a magic pill and be “cured” -- another rant for another day). Americans have so much stimuli coming at them (example: portals of information listed above), even from people lacking the ability to shut their mouths, keep their opinions to themselves and go about their business (I'm one to talk ... ), that we have learned to tune things out.

We are tuning out the world because it's too much stimuli for our minds to filter. We are turning our brains on keyword auto-pilot – your mind perks up with it hears or reads something that perks your interest. It's like having a radio station turned on in the background while you work and only listening when the conversation or song is something you enjoy or something that is of interest.

So, if we are tuning out the world, only listening to things of interest, how are we ever going to know what is true? Do people even want to know what is true? Could you ever know what is true?

What is your news source? Is it bias? Really, is it bias or not? Does it lean one way or the other? And I'm not trying to start some liberal Fox News rant. I'm talking about considering whether or not the information you seek to use to make decisions and use as justification for your moral compass is true or is what you want to believe. As they say, “tell em what he wants to hear.” It's a slippery slope.

It's like when you go to buy something that's a “big ticket item,” like a car. Would you go to some slippery car dealership and listen to whatever the car salesman tells you (knowing full well they work on commission) or would you “do your homework?” Most people will say they do their homework, maybe using Consumer Reports or a company like CarMax. So, why do you do this when you are spending money (greed is another rant for another day also) but not when you are learning about a situation or news item or anything else?

People, in general, are quick to speak or act but not to consider the ramifications or the impression their action may give to others. So, if we believe this, why would you believe everything and anything?

What is truth? Is it what happened or is it what we want to believe?

The human mind is a complicated thing – everyone has filters for seeing the world with biases and emotions. Life is just one big game of “he said, she said” as people try to get more money and “find” happiness.

Are we free to speak?

Westboro Baptist Church.

It's difficult to find someone who hasn't heard about the Rev. Fred Phelps and his followers, people who hold what many refer to as controversial beliefs, and, instead of just Sunday morning sermons, share them with screams, shouts and signs at funerals, in interviews on TV, and on a website.

Writers, journalists and politicians banded together, especially politicos who know it's an election year and the public and their opponents eagerly wait for any response, and quoting the First Amendment, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”

As a writer and journalist, I appreciate this right. However, Phelps leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth and a burning in the callous on my writing hand, as the media quickly turns him into a household name.

As an obituary writer at a newspaper, I've seen and heard grief. I've heard the sobs, I've seen the hollow, pale faces of recent widows and those who have lost a parent, sibling or friend. I've heard and seen the numbness, the spaciness and confusion in their words and movements. The emptiness radiates from them like heat from fresh tears.

After the loss of a dear friend, I learned that each person close to me has a physical place in my being, like pieces to a jigsaw puzzle. When they die, that place becomes hollow, empty. It is never filled but, over time, I learn to deal with that hole. I know it's there, I can feel it like a phantom limb, I am a puzzle missing pieces I have lost forever. I'm reminded when I recall a moment with the person, the look of their hair, their ordinary actions, like a smile or certain phrase, when I go to their home and, after a pause, remember they're not going to turn the corner and welcome me.

With this knowledge, I can not understand how the First Amendment allows people to protest at a funeral. Yes, they can hold views, whether I or anyone thinks them brilliant or ignorant. But to protest with signs -- “God Hates America” or “Thank God for Dead Soldiers” -- at a time grieving family and friends gather to say goodbye to a human being ... I can not understand how that should be protected. Is that what America is about -- the ability to spread hate as a right at one of the most precious and difficult moments in a human's life?

The home of the free, the brave, and the hateful? What about groups the government labels hate groups? Can they move to America and hate freely? Should they be allowed to interrupt other people's lives?

I studied religion in college, especially the Bible. It says to love God and your neighbor -- the highest commandments.

When I think of hate, I don't think of God. You can read the Bible or any religious book and argue a number of points and interpretations. What is it about religion that makes people, including Westboro, ready to judge, to point fingers, to ridicule ... ?

Think of life at its simplest. I don't mean your job or your family, whether you have money or not, or whatever fills your day. Think about life and the core of being. Where do we come from? When did life start and how? What happens when we die, where do we go or do we go anywhere? Do you know -- do you know for certain, without a doubt? How can you be sure about anything?

People either spend their time certain about their answers to these questions, and in turn treat others with hostility and disregard, or they fill their lives with distractions so they don't have to think about these questions, because, honestly, these questions are frightening.

How does the Rev. Fred Phelps know God and what He wants? Wouldn't that make him a prophet?

Instead of the media using this to shove Westboro into celebrity, use this as a teaching tool and a discussion question. What do you believe?

How do you manage stress?

I live a stressful life (who doesn't?) -- trying to finagle work, a erratic, nutty and demanding family, a love life, hobbies and everything in between weighs me down. I feel the stress -- they are smoke inside my body, clouding my thinking and choking my breathing. Even when not directly thinking about something unaccomplished, it's there, waiting, lurking in darkened hiding places, whether it's an errand to run or someone you disappointed years ago.

People use every second of their waking hours for work, family, errands, needs and wants, multi-tasking their lives. I don't like this. Maybe it's because I am weak, I don't know, but I can not take too much. It's not on my own doing, but recently my brain stopped -- like a doctor, I'm not taking anymore patients. I don't want new friends to juggle and get to know, I don't want more tasks at work, I don't want a better cell phone with Internet, I don't want to record 15 shows I don't have time to watch and would miss without a DVR or Hulu, I don't want to spend the bulk of my week on the go, driving from appointments to work to see family to ...

Instead of finding ways to fit in more activity, I am looking for ways to be active less, to read more, write more, to spend more time with my other half, to stop -- "slow down cowpoke" as my father says. I'm afraid if I don't, I'll miss my life, all of the important parts, and that scares me.

What are you all about?

I rode my bike to work yesterday. It was about a 12-mile round trip, uplifting my mood and well-being for the day.

As I pedaled along the shoulder of the highway, passed by vans, sedans, SUVs and trucks, I wished that the drivers were all on bicycles. When did Americans become so lazy? Lazy in their exercise habits, but also lazy in their lives.

I am put off by technology -- not all technology (I'm obviously using a computer) but the advancement of technology. We have gone too far with making life "easier" but this "advancement" will never stop as long as people obsess over new Blackberries, iPads, iPhones, SmartPhones, Playstation3, Wii, HD, 3D ... As long as there is a market. What's wrong with a cell phone that makes calls, and allows you to text and take pictures? When did that become not enough?

Maybe it's because I never advanced much farther than Nintendo. Growing up with low cash resources (poor), I used what was available to me and am glad for the experience. I learned the hard way that money and material possessions don't buy happiness. They don't and never will. Neither will food.

Life isn't about getting enough money to buy an expensive car, new gadgets, staying up-to-date in the fashion world or eating chocolate peanut butter fudge. The feelings from these items are exhilarating for a few moments or days but fade faster than a temporary tattoo.

Life is a journey and a gift (I'm not pro-life). You don't know how many days you or the people you love have on Earth. Take advantage of your life. Look around you at Earthly things, things that were here before phones, cars, clothes, food ... before you.

Politics

Am I alone in my exhaustion at the hands of politicians? I'm not referring to the re-election sideshow that is harassing us daily on TV and radio, in newspapers and magazines, etc. The ads with pictures of them with the sleeves of their collared shirts rolled up and wedding rings shining like bleached teeth, firmly shaking hands with minorities or talking to "Joe Everyman" about his plight. Bold words show how dependable and hardworking they are, elevating them to hero status.

Politicians have exhausted me for years, causing some to label my views "too cynical for my own good."

I don't trust them. Politicians remind me of a quote from "The Princess Bride" -- "Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something." How can one person know what is best for all the people in a town, county, region, state, country? Does anyone know what is best for a large group of people with different races, backgrounds, salaries, situations, intelligence levels, values?

Politicians don't act on what is best for their constituents, they act on what will get them re-elected or benefit their biggest donors, whether this action is conscious or not. It is always at the back of their thinking, lurking in the shadows of their thoughts and actions like a chore someone keeps putting off completing ... re-election, power, status. Tasting celebrity status is like smoking crack -- an addiction that overpowers other, more important, things like family, work, love.

Politics is not black and white, there is too much gray, too much talk and not enough action. Too many people turn on the TV to listen to whatever newscasters say, who have their own network agenda, trusting words not actions.

I read the views of "political columnists" and sigh, even with the views I occasionally agree with. They seem to know what is going on and what is "right" and what is "wrong" in government. Each column, each week and month, year in and year out, they follow their opinion. When I see their topic, I already know the gist of their words. How sad to be stuck, like a scratched CD, skipping over a note.

Will we ever know the truth about politicians, their voting records, what they've done for their constituents, their pasts? When will Americans stop being numb and stop listening and, instead,, find out what these "talking heads" have done. Talk is cheap.

I'm not promoting anarchy or anything related to chaos. I don't know what I'm promoting ... I am tired and put off by agendas and false advertising. Maybe I'm too cynical, maybe not.