I live a stressful life (who doesn't?) -- trying to finagle work, a erratic, nutty and demanding family, a love life, hobbies and everything in between weighs me down. I feel the stress -- they are smoke inside my body, clouding my thinking and choking my breathing. Even when not directly thinking about something unaccomplished, it's there, waiting, lurking in darkened hiding places, whether it's an errand to run or someone you disappointed years ago.
People use every second of their waking hours for work, family, errands, needs and wants, multi-tasking their lives. I don't like this. Maybe it's because I am weak, I don't know, but I can not take too much. It's not on my own doing, but recently my brain stopped -- like a doctor, I'm not taking anymore patients. I don't want new friends to juggle and get to know, I don't want more tasks at work, I don't want a better cell phone with Internet, I don't want to record 15 shows I don't have time to watch and would miss without a DVR or Hulu, I don't want to spend the bulk of my week on the go, driving from appointments to work to see family to ...
Instead of finding ways to fit in more activity, I am looking for ways to be active less, to read more, write more, to spend more time with my other half, to stop -- "slow down cowpoke" as my father says. I'm afraid if I don't, I'll miss my life, all of the important parts, and that scares me.
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