We all have moments that, in retrospect, don't fill us with pride. In the heat of the moment we are engulfed in hot flames of annoyance and pet peeve-iness but afterwards we think, embarrassingly, well ... who cares? Overreaction. Not worth our time and energy. We wonder why we were angered over something so minuscule in the grand scheme of things.
Or you're the type who believes everything you do is solid gold so you feel no wrong. Whatever. That's an entirely different, and bigger, can of worms. Good luck with that ... have fun stormin' the castle!
Think it'll work?
It'll take a miracle!
Whether shamed for the overreaction or not, I am confused. Yeah, I feel stupid for my overreaction but, also, why do people do this annoying stuff in the first place?
As my father says, God must have loved assholes because he made so many of them! My father created a list of laws ... similar to the "Ferengi Rules of Acquisition" from Star Trek (yes I am a dork. Whatever. Eat me shorts!) ... and rule numero uno is people are assholes and people eat shit. It's a two for one!
I come by my cynicism honestly.
Anywho ...
Why do people back into parking spaces? I was at the grocery store today (thrilling story I know) and was returning my cart to the corall when I was forced to stop in my tracks because a Dodge Neon was attempting to back into a parking space. I stopped in the middle of the lane, my hands gripped firmly on the shopping cart as this bozo gave me the stink eye and slowly backed in his Neon like it was a priceless family heirloom. This isn't Fast & The Furious, you aren't Paul Walker (boy I wish you were ... mmm) and you ain't drivin' no Bentley. We are at the Giant in Bumfuck, Nowhere and you are pimpin' a Neon.
So, why? Is it because it's easier to drive out of the space? Is it so your car is on display? This isn't the only time I've waited while others, in cars big and small, back into spaces. They make me and others wait but why? What's the point? You end up looking like a fool with yo pants on the ground. But, really, you look petty and stupid, especially in a Neon or a jacked up penis-pump pickup truck or SVU.
I'm all jacked up on Mountain Dew!
A few times a week I drive along a route that is one-lane highway. It's a long stretch with traffic moving along the other side in the opposite direction and curvy roadways, causing many do-not-pass double lines. So, I am often stuck behind creatures insisting on cruising at exactly the speed limit or lower, slowing down at every hint of a curve. They know I want to go faster. They know I am stuck behind them, they are holding me up. They see cars lined up behind me and, from a birds eye view, it looks like a caravan. I want to get a bullhorn and broadcast to the drivers behind me, "It's not my fault! It's this a-hole in front of me! Promise!"
You could look at this as who cares if you are being held up? Isn't that a very egotistical view, a view feeding road rage? There's nothing you can do about it so you should get over it already. Don't you have more important things to worry about? Also, that slowpoke isn't the only one on the road ... you get around him/her and it's likely you'll get stuck behind someone else so it's a losing battle.
However, you could also think about this ... what happens when you are driving down a road and someone rides your bumper, interrupting your little universe of karaoke worthy music, nose picking and random thoughts. What do you do? Do you speed up? Do you get over in the shoulder, if there is one (which there is on the road I travel), and let the person pass? Or do you continue at the speed, or even slower, and wonder what the f- the guys problem is for tailgating? What a jerk he or she must be!
But ... would you do the same thing? If you are traveling and someone in front of you is creepin' along, would you tailgate? Get angry? Be honest with yourself.
Think outside the narrow box your mind created.
What about those people who travel slowly in the left lane (fast lane) and don't move over to the right lane (slow lane) when a car approaches their rear? They don't follow Rules of the Road 101.
What about those people with tons of bumper stickers? Are you so insecure you need everyone to know where you vacation, about your political views, what music you listen to, what shows you watch, where you're from, where you've been, where you're going ... blah blah blah blah blah. None of your messages are going to stop me from voting the way I vote (which is for the lesser of evils), eating red meat and all sorts of delicious animals with faces that crisp so nicely on my grill or in my oven, listening to the same music ... but wait, it's not about changing my views, am I right or am I right? It's all about knowing your views so I can know how awesome you are. Well, I don't give a damn about you and your views. Leave a little to the imagination, OK?
How about those people who chat on their cellphones in public with the speaker phone on? Or those who chat on their phone in places you shouldn't, like movie theaters, restaurants, libraries, doctors offices? Take it outside chief.
Why are people so out in the open these days? Letting you listen in on their conversations while wearing graphic tees sharing such wisdom as "I love my boyfriend," "Daddy's Little Angel," "Ninjas make better lovers" and "I'm a certain shade of indifferent." I wish you were a certain shade of shut the f- up but I guess I can't always get what I want, now can I? You can share your views on the Internet, and through your clothes, car and your big fat mouth but it doesn't mean you should. Yeah, I am sharing my views right now but you don't have to click on my link, you don't have to read my rants. I don't print out my blogs and glue them to the back windshield of my car or print them out on a T-shirt.
People want so badly to be heard, to be understood but for what reason? You talk and talk and talk and will never shut up until the day you finally die and accomplish nothing because no one can fully understand you, what you've been through and what you stand for, except you.
No wonder I don't like people. I'm an equal opportunity hater ... I don't like anybody!
Hmm ... people who take themselves too seriously, cruel and nasty people who believe they are the most wonderful thing to greet the universe since Earth formed, people who post cryptic or inappropriate Facebook comments, celebrities famous for traits beside talent, bad egotistical parents who think their poorly behaved children are cute, drama queens and kings who feed on making everyone as miserable as they are, loud and rude people, when people sit next to you at the movies or on public transportation when there are countless seats available, picky eaters who ask for things like one pickle and a squirt of ketchup at places like McDonalds or Burger King making you and everyone else wait in line longer (this ain't gourmet beeatch), narrow minded people, close talkers ... geez I need to stop.
Anyway, nothing is black or white. Yeah, maybe I need to relax and not get annoyed by these people because even if I tell them how I feel they will not change. I will be the a-hole. The jerk. It's a no-win situation. However, it's comforting that even though I overreact and get annoyed over things that, in retrospect, are stupid, it's not just me. There are a lot of stupid people out there.
It's not me, it's you.
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