Thursday, July 21, 2011

Heat wave hysteria: Yes it's hot outside but don't act so damn shocked ... stay hydrated and shut your mouth

News organizations across the U.S. can't stop reporting about the heat wave. It's heat wave hysteria!
Where I live, it's summertime and, although the living is supposed to be easy, people can't stop yapping about the unbearable heat, how uncomfortable they are, how they yearn for cooler temperatures ...
I don't have a crystal ball and I can't accurately predict the future but I can tell you this ... next summer will bring hot temperatures ... and the summer after that ... and after that and so on ... and, shocker, winter will be cold ... Can't I get a duh? Duh! Praise Mother Nature! Hallelujah!
However, every summer, when it starts to get hot day after day, on a consistent basis, people act so shocked, so caught off guard, so appalled. How dare it be hot outside! Yet, it happens every year. Why so shocked? The heat-related deaths across the U.S. are tragic but people must be proactive. Look after the elderly, the children and others who shouldn't be outside. Stay hydrated and don't overexert yourself in the heat! And, for goodness sake, be careful with God's little creatures and don't leave your pets outside, especially in hot, poorly ventilated vehicles. Use your head people!
Every summer people wish upon a star that it was winter time ... then when winter rolls around and there's a foot of snow on the ground people wish it was summer. People are never happy! Why can't we be happy and thankful the sun is shining and hasn't released a gamma ray burst to kill us all? Be thankful the flowers are growing, everything is green, fresh and so alive! The birds are singing and we are alive too!
For the people who are never happy, who think this or that will make them happy ... you will never be happy. Nothing is going to make you happy. No one is going to make you happy. The only thing/person who can make you happy is yourself! Start on the inside and work your way out!
And as for the heat ... I ain't got air conditioning in my car but it's all good. I wind my windows down, dress accordingly, drink plenty of water and deal with it because -- shocking! -- for centuries humans survived without central air! We survived without window units in our homes and Max AC blasting in our vehicles. Heck, we even survived without vehicles! Say what???

2 comments:

  1. "Why can't we be happy and thankful the sun is shining, the flowers are growing, everything is green, fresh and so alive! The birds are singing and we are alive too!"

    What the fuck? Is this Kate Vendetta or Sylvia Plath?

    Simmer down, for Christ's sake. Nothing is green and fresh these days. It's a motherfucking inferno outside and I can't walk the 20 steps to my car without sweating like Rush Limbaugh at an Eli-Lilly convention.

    Everything is green and fresh and alive? Uh, yeah, if it's a god damn gecko living on Mars, maybe; but here on planet Earth, every plant within 50 square miles is d-e-a-d, dead.

    And I don't know any birds that are fucking singing, Kate. The only sounds birds around here are making are death rattles as they fall out of the sky with their brains fried.

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  2. Considering Sylvia Plath committed suicide using a gas oven and was known for violent and disturbing imagery, I would not attribute her to the happy go-lucky nature of those comments. Mars, aka The Red Planet, isn't green, fresh, alive or home to geckos but everything looks green outside my window especially with the recent rain, as green as your freshly picked boogers Mr. Jihad.
    Also, I recently read that with the high temperatures we should check in regularly on our senior population ... so ... are you OK?

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