Death -- We are all going to die

I wish I was one of those people who had some life changing experience and now lives my time on Earth to the fullest. Full of appreciation for each second of every day, every pretty flower and every beautiful sunrise, I'd thank my lucky stars I'm alive. I'd be nice to everyone I meet because you never know what demons they are struggling with that day. I'd also be nice to all my friends and family because it could be my last day on Earth. My last breath, my last thought, my last heartbeat.
You know, the kind of thing you read in "Guideposts." Wouldn't want to exit this world after telling a loved one they're a complete and utter jerkoff.
However, I can wake up every day and remind myself, "Hey. You. Yeah you. You may die today!" So what? What do I do with this knowledge? Spend all my money on designer clothes? Shoes? Drink a couple bottles of white wine and sing karaoke with no shame? Maybe drink some pina coladas, get caught in the rain and make love after midnight? Quit my job and dedicate my life to helping wayward teens achieve their dreams and turn their lives around? Yeah, I'll send in that resume just to give the unattainable dream job a shot but death ... well, my switch shut off long ago for such a big issue because I can remind myself to ad nauseum, but I still live my life the same.
Reminds me of people who think they know it all when it comes to religion. Humans are not capable of knowing everything, of understanding the ins and outs of life. It's over our heads!
With all the big issues of life, death is the ultimate elephant in the room. If I don't look at it then it isn't real, right? It'll just go away, right?
No one is comfortable knowing one day they will die and go ... to Heaven? Hell? Limbo? Oz? The Island of Lost Toys? Nowhere -- lights out, game over! Maybe be reincarnated as a maple tree or Kim Kardashian's left buttcheek. No one knows for certain ... well certainty outside of religious nuts and those believing they were someone else in a former life. Yeah, in a former life I was Attila the Hun. Chew on that.
Anyway, I can't wrap my head around death. I push it out of my mind when it creeps out of the shadows, usually emerging right after I've pulled the covers up around my shoulders, rolled on to my side and am slowly wiggling my way into the welcoming arms of Sleepy Town. Not the best time for deep thoughts about something uncontrollable and frightening.
The other instance where death rears its ugly head is when someone dies, which happened to me recently. No one extremely close to me has died before so, as sick as it sounds, having someone halfway close to me die is like a dress rehearsal for the big showdown.
I figured I'd remember something about the deceased. A smell. Maybe his scent or a favorite drink or food. It's like breaking up with someone only later to be reminded of them when all you want to do is forget -- Ecco Domani Pinot Grigio, a steak, egg and cheese bagel, a Magnum Trojan Condom (kidding ... or am I?) -- except instead of an ex, we're talking dead people. Maybe I'd remember a noise, like his voice or laugh, but nothing was there except a blank, empty feeling. He's not here anymore but, considering we weren't close, not much changed.
However, it was difficult simply because of that damn elephant in the room, death. He's dead. Where did he go? When I finally mustered enough courage to traverse a couple feet from his open casket, to peer in and sneak a peek, what did I expect to see? What should I feel? Why am I so scared? It's not like he's going to spring up, eyes wide, arms stiff, only to scream, "Brains!" .... or would he?
Suffice to say, I almost fainted at the sight of his papier-mache features, his translucent skin and empty shell. What was in there? Is there a soul and did it leave his body? If so, where did it go? Was he watching me watch him? Was he still in there? Is he somewhere else? Can he hear my thoughts?
Cue the eerie music.
At the funeral, as I listened to a beautiful speech about his life, I thought how this was his last hurrah. People gathered around his casket, remembering him fondly or simply trying to think of something polite to say to his grieving family ... I'm sorry for your loss. He was a nice man.
One last speech from a friend. One last connection to this world. Then I thought ... is he hovering overhead, watching his own funeral? Does he like it and if he doesn't, what can he do? Can he haunt me? Can he take over my body?
Cue every scary movie, every scary book -- no wonder they're so popular. No one knows what happens when you die. No one knows what happens after ... for certain. We can believe but belief isn't solid. Everyone has doubts. Everyone wonders what if. Maybe that's the whole point -- life wouldn't be easier if we knew what happened afterwards. If we all went to Hell or Heaven, no matter what, what's the point of trying to be a good person? If nothing happened and it's simply lights out, it would change life as we know it. You wouldn't watch a movie if you already knew the ending, right?
We're all going to die. I said it and nothing happened. No smiting, no lightning. We. Are. All. Going. To. Die. Pretty people. Ugly people. Rich people and poor people. Mean people and nice people. Happy people and sad. We will all die. It could happen today or tomorrow. Maybe in a month or a few years. No one knows. We can either try our best to come to terms with it, ignore it or die frightened and full of misery.