There's this chick on Facebook I'm friends with but not really friends with ... if you catch my drift. She sent me a friend request but falls under the category of I-know-of-you-but-don't-really-know-you. To friend or not to friend, that is the question. After figuring there's no reason not to friend her (like she's a snoop for a frenemy), I friended the chick.
What did I get out of this deal? A surplus of photos featuring her interesting looking toddler and questions. Yes, questions. Every day she poses at least one question to her Facebook friends (i.e. What shows are you looking forward to this fall? Do you watch football? What is your favorite video game?) Maybe she feels guilty for the baby photos but it's an interesting use of Facebook nonetheless considering most people post information that is either TMI or an obvious ploy for attention (i.e. So over it ... or the always popular I'm-going-to-post-melodramatic-song-lyrics-that-match-my-feelings).
Considering our real world non-relationship, I never felt compelled to comment until today when she posed the query:
Happiness is ...
Happiness. As the kids say, smh. Ever since I can remember, I wanted to be happy. I bought thousands of dollars worth of clothing, accessories, makeup, this, that and the other in the holy quest for happiness. I've drank thousands of bottles of liquor, wine and beer. Doomed to fail relationships, packs of Parliaments, gallons of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, pounds of peanut butter fudge, bags of Combos, pounds of sticky-icky marijuana, all in the quest for happiness.
It wasn't until recently I realized happiness isn't a destination, it's a mode of travel.
Dear God, I want to be happy!
Well then be happy already, what are you waiting for?
Maybe realize isn't the best word because real life ain't like the movies. I need to be reminded daily of this happiness is a mode of travel sentiment. So, the words are posted on my fridge. However, when you see something day-in-day-out, your mind tends to unconsciously hit the ignore button, especially when moving throughout life on fast-forward. So, when the real deal sadness hits me late at night (dark things always come out at night, don't they, when it's quiet and time for bed), I remind myself to do my best, change what I can, and be happy about the happy things in my life. If I repeat it enough, I'll believe it, hopefully. Simple enough, right?
My Facebook friend's query got me taking happiness one step further after someone commented, "A life free from responsibility." Hmm. Sounds lovely, right? I could be sitting on a tropical island somewhere, drinking a mojito and fueled by a drunk buzz, the kind where you think you have all the answers. Maybe I'd jet set around the world to all my dream destinations.
What's your dream scenario? Living in a cabin in the middle of nowhere? Big city socialite life? Movie star? Famous athlete? Out of debt and rich-as-Romney?
Nothing will be as perfect as it is in your mind. No scenario is free from negatives. What's the point of focusing on an unattainable dream in hope for a life free from anything negative? You'll miss out on life, on the right here right now.
My tropical island will have days where it storms or there's a shortage of mojito or I'm violently hungover from drinking mojitos constantly. Frankly, I get bored laying on the beach for extended periods of time as it is. I am a homebody who has a sell-by-date on vacations of about 3-4 days before yearning for home, where I am happy for a day, possibly two, before yearning for vacation again. I don't care for interaction with people but get lonely from time to time. The middle of nowhere could get lonely and buying the bare necessities could be difficult.
As Americans, we unconsciously want more. I got a raise so I can buy more things but now I am buying more things I will need another raise to get even more things.
Also, there's the tendency to want to change your environment, wanting to be a part of the solution instead of a part of the problem. If you simply check out of responsibility, how are you helping the human race? Kind of empty, right?
There's always going to be stress in your life, whether you are Richie Rich or poor as a shithouse rat. There's always going to be something you don't want to do, someone you don't want to see. You're going to be tired, unmotivated and bored from time to time. You're going to have to work at a job that isn't fabulous and pay bills. That's life. No one is perfect and no scenario is perfect. Human beings are not motionless and, thus, crave chaos in varying levels.
Maybe it's best to define our own happiness on a small scale. What makes you happy? Making your wife happy by surprising her with a delicious home-cooked meal of her favorite food? Getting lost in a good book? A kind word from a stranger? Stop thinking big and think small, about the happiness that's right in front of your face. Stop focusing on the negative. You're happy and you don't even know it!
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