It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas ... there are the commercials advertising this season's big ticket items, department stores hustling everything from inflatable Santa's for your already tacky enough front yard to $500 cashmere sweaters (or even $$$$ Lexus sedans for Richie Rich and Newt Gingrich's third wife, child bride Callista Bisek ... do you know his website is newt.org? Sounds like some kinky sexual position).
Anywho ... there's that nervous, sickly feeling your credit card is getting as it awaits a season of overspending and excess. You know ... you spending buko dollars on presents while receiving items obviously picked out with no thought whatsoever ... same feeling goes for your stomach while it awaits Christmas parties, overeating at dinners with family members you see once a year and would rather, in most cases, never see again, decorated cookies, store-bought pies and chocolates, oh my! Everyone knows you can eat whatever you want around Christmas, right? What Would Santa Do -- WWSD?
Santa, can I make you some sandwiches?
This all means New Years is hot on the trail and 2011 will soon come to a close. Does this make you sad, fill you with regret over things you should have done, things you should have said. Or does it make you slap happy knowing your year was productive and joyous? Moving closer to the end of the Mayan Calendar! Woo!
I've been told God is the ultimate decider, one day bringing judgement down upon our heads. Whether or not this is true, I won't speculate. However, your harshest critic is yourself. People can say nasty things and make you feel terrible but the person who can make you feel the worst is yourself, especially while trying to sit and evaluate your past year. Did you give yourself an A, maybe a B+ or did you straight up earn an EPIC FAIL?
So, as you look back on 2011, focus on the good. That's not to say you shouldn't visit the shitty parts, reminiscence about your dysfunctional family, perhaps some weight gain or losing a job. Happy happy joy joy. Ignorance is bliss but it's not healthy. Maybe you're a glass half empty type, always focusing on the negative, always waiting to be let down or disappointed, never letting yourself fully get excited about anything, always ready to say something along the lines of "just my luck" or "nothing good ever happens to me." Boo f-ing hoo.
There is a comfort in the sadness, in the negativity. You're used to being negative ... it probably stems back to your childhood, doesn't everything? After a while it becomes comforting in the way it always happens, in the way someone important to you always lets you down. In the way things you get excited for never pan out or aren't what you hoped for. You can't always be happy because, sooner or later, something bad will happen. However, you can always be negative.
No wonder people are so depressed around the holidays. It's supposed to be so sickly happy, so wonderfully joyful, a warm home filled with fresh goodies made by a smiling mother, a bountiful spread of loot under a sparkly Christmas tree inside a home safe and warm from the glorious beauty of falling snow.
America has a dysfunctional economy, a government that can't reach across the aisle and work together to solve major problems (weren't they supposed to learn how to get along with others in KINDERGARTEN!), high unemployment, people protesting across the country, blah blah blah ... oh wait, I'm focusing on the negative again. Dammit.
There's this aggravating balance one needs to achieve ... knowing things aren't always going to be great, knowing bad things will happen and we'll be sad from time to time. The Yin and the Yang Mr. Miyagi.
OK, so instead of being the Grinch -- as I've been referred to before -- let's look back on 2011. As the years pass, are we becoming a better society? You know, going in the right direction? What do you think about when you ponder 2011? Well ... outside of your tiny bubble, your tiny place in the world.
Perhaps the sideshow circus of baby killer Casey Anthony, maybe the wacky weather with earthquakes across the U.S. (even Virginia!) and the world (Japan's devastating earthquake and tsunami). How about the end of the Space Shuttle Program or Okra The Black Devil ... oh I mean Oprah. Oops. Or all those creepy ass politicians thinking with their penises ... Anthony Weiner (who had a disgusting '70s porn star mustache going for Movember, not a good look for a man trying to clean up his tarnished image), Arnold Schwarzenegger (can't believe he put his frankfurter in that troll), John Edwards and current scoundrel Mr. Gov't Cheese himself Herman Cain (he puts the toppings under the cheese!). You can't forget the Charlie Sheen mania, Osama bin Laden's death (or is he under the sea swimming around with Aerial and friends waiting for his return to wreak havoc on us infidels???), Occupy (insert town here -- wish they'd occupy my taint) ... I could go on and I'm sure you have more to add but there's a part about 2011 leaving me most concerned.
The Top 10 Searches of 2011:
1. iPhone
2. Casey Anthony
3. Kim Kardashian
4. Katy Perry
5. Jennifer Lopez
6. Lindsay Lohan
7. "American Idol"
8. Jennifer Aniston
9. Japan Earthquake
10. Osama bin Laden
Wow, that's depressing. I can't set a goal for America, I can only hope people stop worrying about such tards as the Kardashians, JLo and LiLo, and focus on more important things. As for myself, I can choose to steer my focus towards more intellectual pursuits, hoping such filth as Kourtney Kardashian polluting the world with another bastard child will possibly one day go away. Poof. Vanish.
New Year's Resolutions are for the birds. You make a overly strict list and then follow it for what, a week? Two? Maybe a month? Why not start now? Start small on each goal. Don't overeat over the holidays but enjoy yourself. Tweak your resume and find a new job. Break up with your cheating husband or shitty boyfriend. Distance yourself from your dysfunctional family. Try to exercise more and realize you're the only person stopping yourself from change. As Anne Frank wrote, "How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world."
Wow. Look at me! I'm not the Grinch anymore!
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