Everyone's heard of the indiscretions made by Mayor Govn't Cheese (he puts the toppings under the cheese), aka Herman Cain.
Recently news broke that Herman (always reminds me of Herman from the game Guess Who?) had a 13-year affair with Ginger White, which she describes as "very casual." Ah yes, casual sex. Exactly what I want in a president. He put the meat under the cheese and his meat in her cheese! Huzzah!
Even her name is dirty - Ginger. According to reports, he regularly gave her money to help with bills and expenses but, of course, he denies a sexual affair but won't divulge how much he forked over, which obviously means it was a lot of dough. Get it? Dough? Pizza? Huzzah!
We just friends.
His wife, Gloria, didn't know about this "arrangement" but knows now and understands because Herman is "a soft-hearted, giving person." HA! He isn't soft but he sure is giving, giving enough to give her his 12 inch Meat Lovers Supreme! Huzzah!
OK. Enough is enough. Since October, it has been one sexual harassment claim after another. Sharon Bialek and Karen Kraushaar accused Herman of sexually harassing them in the '90s while he was head of the National Restaurant Association (NRA). Two other women also said they were sexually harassed while working at NRA but declined to be identified. So, OK. This new one, this Ginger chick, has got to be the nail in the coffin, the final pepperoni on the pizza, right? Time to pack it in Herman, quit your campaign and find another dream.
What do news reports proclaim today?
Cain to meet with wife amid affair claims, dropping poll numbers
Paging Mr. Herman, paging Mr. Herman, please report to the front desk! Herman commented he was "considering dropping out of the race, but for now was continuing to meet all campaign commitments."
Five women but Herman ain't afraid. He's working to "re-establish" his character and get to the bottom of all these allegations against him.
I send checks to a lot of people. I help a lot of people. That in itself is not proof. So the other allegation in terms of it being a 13-year physical relationship, that is her words against my word.
Can I get a hand-out? But seriously, his word has been tarnished since October. Every woman coming forward, every joke at your expense (and the expense of Herman Cain Jr. -- aka your dingaling, aka the Herman Cain Train, aka Black Walnut, aka Squirmin' Herman), has repeatedly attacked his character.
Earth to Herman. Earth to Herman. Herman, do you read me? No chance in hell will you be the Republican nominee next year. Give it up.
Yeah, talk to Gloria, the same woman who found the sexual harassment claims "unfounded." Do you think American women would get behind a First Lady who won't stand up for herself against a cheating man such as you? What kind of role model would she be for young girls? You can't help but compare her to Michelle Obama, a woman who promotes healthy eating and exercise, a woman with a husband who isn't a serial cheater, who doesn't push the heads of women down over his crouch, who is smart.
As for these women coming forward, we watched the press conference with Sharon Bialek where she revealed Herman was aggressive and sexually inappropriate and, when she sought help to get a new job, "put his hand on (her) leg under (her) skirt and reached for (her) genitals. He also grabbed (her) head and brought it towards his crotch."
Now we have Ginger spilling the beans about their long affair but assuring us "I am not a cold-hearted person. I am a mother of two kids and, of course, my heart bleeds for this woman. I am deeply, deeply sorry if I've caused any hurt to her, to his kids and to his family, that was never my intention."
Um, your heart bleeds for her? That don't make no damn sense lady. Also ... what was your intention? To help your tarnished image -- Herman said you're troubled but you said you boink him on a casual basis. Hmm ... I'd rather be troubled than a Herman Slut.
In regards to the five women, Herman's attorney, Lin Wood, remarked "Let me suggest to you that five lies do not make one truth. When you talk about the importance of character ... let's look at it from the perspective of that candidate's entire career and life. Don't judge people's character based on accusations made in the media that have not been proven with facts and, in fact, have been clearly denied by the candidate."
When asked about specifics, Wood said, "I am not going to relegate the political process into a Jerry Springer show." Umm ... too late because it already is an episode, a particularly good Kardashian-esque episode and the audience is the world.
Targets for GOP political humor are typically Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann, who have given us enough one-liners to last years. All joking aside, the thought of either one of them as leader of the United States of America is frightening. The same goes for Herman Cain.
No, I'm not referring to his indiscretions. I'm talking about intelligence and hubris. Here's some Vendetta Math: A Lack of Intelligence + Hubris = Danger!
Everyone has heard about Herman's confusing Libya answer. Does he agree with President Obama's handling of the situation in Libya ... he didn't but he couldn't exactly explain why. His fumbling response conveyed a lack of knowledge in regards to said situation in Libya.
Herman's response to flack about his fumbling:
The people that get on the Cain train, they don't get off because of that crap. Who knows every detail of every country on the planet? Nobody!
Also see: We need a leader, not a reader.
Yeah, I can picture being at a party and finding myself in a circle of brainiacs, contemplating President Obama's handling of Libya. I'd be asked my opinion and draw a blank. No, not in a freezing up sort of way because I've been put on the spot and am more of a writer than a speaker. More as in a freezing up sort of way because I ain't got a clue. Luckily, I'm not running for president and never will! Hooray!
I don't want a president who describes his supporters as being on the (Last Name) Train, i.e. Cain Train, Obama Train, Bush Train (sounds kinky doesn't it?), Clinton Train, and also describing them as "getting off the train" when he does something wrong. Yeah it's funny but I don't want my president to be funny. If he or she happens to be funny, OK. Great. I like to laugh. However, I want him or her to be highly intelligent, like creepy intelligent. Like studied all the time while I guzzled beer bongs smart because they love to learn.
Which brings me to my second point: Presidents don't need to know every detail of everything on the planet because, honestly, that's impossible. However, they should know about major national and international affairs. And Herman, I want a leader who is also a reader, not a horny man who wears varying hats and enjoys rhyming and coming up with humorous responses to criticism.
Arrogant people in charge scare me. Herman won't admit he sexually harassed those women, he won't admit he had a sexual relationship with Ginger. He won't admit when he doesn't know something and/or said something stupid. I.e. Michele Bachmann and the wrong John Wayne; Sarah Palin and Paul Revere.
America needs a highly intelligent president who has character. Character to admit they screwed up, character to reach across the aisle so Democrats and Republicans can work together to solve our problems, character to do their job.
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