Unless you've been hiding in your bunker with no access to Internet or television while awaiting the end of the Mayan calendar (tick tock, tick tock), you've heard of Honey Boo Boo child and her self-described redneck, mud-pit loving family -- aka Alana Thompson and the rest of the McIntrye, Ga. pack of animals, including mom, 33-year-old June Shannon. The clan is featured on TLC's popular "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo," a spin off from Alana's time on the pedophilia gem, "Toddlers and Tiaras."
Maybe you watched an episode or two because it's a trendy show (new and improved Joker products to further brainwash Americans), maybe you are a reality show addict or you enjoy watching human train wrecks so you feel better about your pathetic life (like a chubby chick hanging with obese chicks so she feels thin) ... whatever the case, you Tweet, text, blog and post Facebook status updates about the horror of this trashy family but why oh why isn't anyone interested in mama June's rap sheet? Why isn't anyone calling Child Protective Services? Oh wait, they already called ...
Yeah. Rap sheet. Big mama June was arrested in January 2008 for contempt of court and theft -- charges were later dismissed. Word on the digital street is the theft is linked to child support payments -- she was the defendant in two cases (TLC should rename the show, "Three Kids, Three Dads"). Her current hubby, Mike "Sugar Bear" Thompson, is Alana's father but his swimmers don't reach to June's other two stunners. Maybe it's time I also reveal Mama June is a grandmother. Surprised? Probably not.
Sounds like some "People's Court" drama, doesn't it? June claims the contempt of court charge originated from a child support issue with her mom -- her 18-year-old daughter, Anna, was mostly raised by June's mother (considering June had Anna when she was around 15, it makes sense in that hillbilly, "16 & Pregnant" sorta way). As for the theft, it's unrelated and had nothing to do with her family, according to Big Mama Chins.
That's not enough to question her competence as a mother? Wait, there's more! Child Protective Services (CPS) was called to their home in March following a "Toddlers & Tiaras" episode where June fed Alana Go Go Juice. Sounds like Ron Ron Juice from "The Jersey Shore" doesn't it?" Yeah, well it's just as bad for you ... especially if you're a 7-year-old child. Go Go Juice is a mixture of Mountain Dew and Red Bull that had Alana spinning on the floor in circles. June feeds Alana the mixture so she performs well in beauty pageants because obviously that's critical.
How does the juice make Alana feel ... well she commented, "Go Go juice makes me laughy, and play-ey, and makes me feel like I want to pull my mommy's hair."
June admits she fed Alana the concoction but says it was a one-time occurrence. Yeah, right. If you're dumb enough to feed your child Red Bull and Mountain Dew, you're dumb enough to feed them a wide array of horrible concoctions. Also, on the show Alana downed the juice after consuming 15 bags of Pixy Sticks (aka Pageant Crack). Why else was CPS called to the home, you ask? Oh, well June often feeds her children roadkill.
You can't make this shit up.
Oh, and if that doesn't make you gag, a video surfaced on YouTube of Alana "Honey Boo Boo Child" dancing on a table in a dark room with colored lights in a college bar for dollars. Dancing on tables + dark room + colored lights + dolla dolla bills + bar = strip club. Am I right or am I right? June's reaction? She defended her daughter's actions by explaining Alana had been dancing in a college bar, not a sleazy one.
Step right up! Step right up and see the 7-year-old stripper folks! She's hyper, she's malnourished, she's Honey Boo Boo!
What's that sound? Pedophiles across the country licking their lips.
Oh, well obviously people aren't disgusted by any of this because no one is making a stink about June's rap sheet, the CPS visit or any of this nonsense.
According to June it's all good because a court-appointed attorney convinced the judge to throw the CPS case out. I have a hard time not letting my mind assume but ... could it be that TLC has a ratings-gem in "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" and wants to cash in on this cow of a family while they are all alive and well-ish? The show attracted 2.2 million viewers! Gotta make that dollar!
As for the people watching the show, they'd rather sit back, laugh and shake their heads in disgust than do anything productive.
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