It's 2013. Weird, right? We aren't traveling in flying cars on elevated highways but we also didn't fly off the fiscal cliff. We aren't colonizing Mars or vacationing on the moon but we also didn't die in the Mayan Doomsday Apocalypse and John Cusack didn't have to save us from global warming with a battered RV. Save me John Cusack, save me with your snark. Instead of the final frontier, we have Facebook, genetic testing, GPS, Blueray, Smartphones, Twitter, Google, laparoscopic surgery, CGI, mini iPads, Wal-Mart, iPods, 3D, planes, trains and automobiles. Beam me up Scotty, there's no sign of intelligent life here.
We're here, we're queer, get used to it.
Life rages on and we're expected to create resolutions: make lists, take notes, make plans. This is the year! The time is now! A lot can happen in a year! Motivate yourself to change your life! Go to Bed, Bath & Beyond and get yourself a Gandhi poster: Be the change you want to see in the world! Frame it and put it in your living room next to your Live, laugh, love poster. You're surrounded by motivation! Turn on the boob tube so advertisers can tell you what to think. You're fat, so get skinny - we'll show you how! Your marriage sucks - get divorced! Your job sucks - get a new one! The calendar changed so act accordingly.
The cynic in me wants to rant about the stupidity behind resolutions considering most are too ambitious and abandoned within three weeks. Also, can a human truly change? This skeptical force figures the Kardashian-Kayne spawn will be the anti-Christ and cause the end of days ... so what's a few extra pounds and a dead-end job matter?
Satan is his father, not Guy (aka Kayne). He came up from hell and begat a son of mortal woman. Satan is his father and his name is Adrian. He shall overthrow the mighty and lay waste their temples. He shall redeem the despised and wreak vengeance in the name of the burned and the tortured. Hail, Adrian! Hail, Satan! Hail, Satan! (Sidenote: the theme song to "Rosemary's Baby" is beyond creepy ... la la la). Hail Kayne!
As I read the other day, scientists predict the baby of Kardashian-Kayne (Kimye?) will have an ego so dense it collapses on itself creating a blackhole. So, there's that.
The other side of me, the I-want-to-trick-everyone-into-believing-I'm-a-nice-person-in-2013-side (which is related to the eating-healthy-and-working-out-makes-me-feel-better knowledge I trapped inside an empty box of Nilla Wafers), sees the positive in resolutions and the new year. A time to reflect on the past 365 days, consider your successes and failures, and move on to a cleanish slate (like taking a shower when you're hungover). It's a built-in timeline for life similar to age - I'm 40, what have I done with my life or it's 2013, what did I accomplish in 2012?
That's so 2012 - the Diamond Jubilee of the Queen Mum (snoozefest), Curiosity landed on Mars, "The Innocence of Muslims" caused terrorist attacks and outrage, Felix Baumgartner broke the sound barrier, Hurricane Sandy wrecked havoc on the east coast, President Barack Obama was reelected in a close race, mass shootings caused public outrage on gun control laws ...
There's always the coveted death reel of the ones we lost (loved ones as well as those we knew but didn't know - celebrities): Mike Wallace, Davy Jones, Dick Clark, Vidal Sassoon, Donna Summer, Ray Bradbury, Rodney King, Andy Griffith, Sally Ride, Maeve Binchy, Neil Armstrong, Michael Clarke Duncan ... those sweet, innocent children in Newtown.
Reflection is positive - as my seventh grade social studies teacher told us everyday: those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it. In case you need a visual, she looked like Sam the Eagle from the Muppets with a righteous bowl cut and drove a white 1985ish Mustang.
There's more to life than current events and dead celebrities. We should reflect on our past year. What happened. Did you lose a loved one? Start a new job? Have a baby? Get married? Get divorced? Gain a shit ton of weight? Form new friendships or rid your life of toxic frenemies? Maybe you got a dog or bought a car or got a raise or chased a dream ... whatever it was, these events formed your 2012.
Do you know what time it is? No, not time for a Kool Moe Dee song about girlies. It's time to devise a flight plan for 2013 since we're going this non-cynical route.
What do we want? I don't know! When do we want it? Now!
Dear Diary, day three of the new year. So far, I'm back to eating healthy and exercising regularly, more to do with the poundage I acquired during the holidays than some lofty, life changing goal. Biggest Loser this is not. I cleaned up my Facebook friends list today, so there's something. Goals: declutter, defriend, less frivolous spending more saving, more books less social networking, more outside less TV ... less cynical? Perhaps it's better to keep my goals attainable because any day of the year can be your "new year."
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