Earthquake hits East Coast, let the end-of-the-world 2012 and terrorism hysteria begin

I was sitting in my living room a little before 2 p.m. Tuesday, hunched over my laptop screen, working on a book review. My thoughts were inward, as is the way with writers ...
If this the right word? It doesn't sound right. It sounds awkward. What am I trying to say?
God, I want a snack. Mmm ... those crackers in the kitchen are low fat, right? Aren't writers supposed to snack while they work. Drink too. No, shut up. You don't need a snack or a drink.

I need to finish this rough draft and then hit the gym and come back and look at it one more time before submitting.
Ugh. The gym. Maybe if I don't go it'll be OK ... but, wait, I can't do it tomorrow because I have to work. Excuses, excuses. Supermodels don't make excuses. They starve with smiles on their stupid, perfect faces. Well then I have to ...
Somewhere between these meaningless thoughts and my furious typing, I felt the sofa beneath me sway like I was on a ferris wheel at the very top. Side to side. Back and forth. I felt the house move. The sound, that weird sound of a house stretching, of the ground beneath me moving -- the sweet Earth I've always counted on for support -- was uncanny. It was like somebody finally told me Santa wasn't real.
In a silent, alert and freaked out reaction I stood up and ran to the doorway.
My first thought -- this is a terror attack. We are under attack. They finally did it, those bastards. I waited for a flash or bright light. Sounds of bombs falling. Possibly a siren like during World War II (a lot of my emergency experience comes from movies). Something, anything. Nothing came.
But this can't be a earthquake because the East Coast doesn't get earthquakes! I'll admit I cried from fear -- yeah you West Coast earthquake connoisseurs, go ahead and laugh it up!
Then it stopped -- those seconds that felt like minutes screeched to a halt. Mother Nature wins again by reminding us we are at her mercy. Earthquakes out of the blue, a monstrous hurricane rumbling up the coast -- although it doesn't sound ferocious with the name Irene. Tricky, tricky! Mother Nature always wins. No fair!
My first thought -- ashamed because when I thought it was terrorism my life didn't flash before my eyes. Isn't that supposed to happen? You know, telling God you love your family and thanking Him and praying for help. Telling Him you'll do better or be a better person -- maybe stop drinking, swearing and being a complete slut. Or maybe come to terms with your demise and reminiscing on the highlight reel of your existence. Considering the earthquake lasted mere seconds, there wasn't enough time to jump-start that mechanism.
Second thoughts -- I hope my loved ones are OK emotionally and physically. How Hallmark of me!
I turned on my local news to find out what was going on -- which is equivalent to the old days when people walked outside their homes and talked to neighbors. After the weatherman shared pointless tidbits I could have Googled in seconds, he turned the camera over to a man-on-the-street reporter who questioned an interesting skeleton of a woman about her experience. When she mentioned she was "so scared I had to go out and have a cigarette afterwards," I wondered. Are we really this stupid or are we desensitized -- or a bit of both?
If you don't agree with me, just sign on to Facebook or Twitter and read the responses to the earthquake, which are humorous and, at the same time, depressing.

"It wasn't an earthquake. It was our forefathers rolling over in their graves."
Also see, "that was no earthquake, it was Obama's approval rating hitting the floor" and "Obama is naming the epicenter of the earthquake, Bush's Fault."

Perhaps some "I Survived the Quake of '11" T-shirts? Or an Earthquake Party ... what would that entail? Maybe imbibe in some looting in your hometown.

What about the people who wondered when the tsunami was coming since that's what happened in Japan.

Or maybe we should all get to church for prayer, reflection and confession since it's the End of Days. It was an act of God due to our sinful and disgusting ways. Just ask the homophobic rabbi, Yehuda Levin, who commented, "One of the reasons that God brings earthquakes to the world is because of the transgression of homosexuality. The Talmud states, 'You have shaken your male member in a place where it doesn't belong. I too, will shake the Earth.'"
Oooo shake your money maker you sinful beasts and God will shake back with force!
Also see, Joseph Farah, editor of WorldNetDaily.com, who said, "Washington, D.C., deserves more than the wallop it got today. It needs a much bigger shaking up than it got. And I have no doubts that it is coming -- unless there is a real change of heart in the leadership of this country. After all, if America doesn't face judgment soon, God will have to apologize to Sodom and Gomorrah. And God doesn't offer apologies. He is trying to tell us something. His message is very clear. Don't say you weren't warned."
Now I know ancient civilizations believed God was behind natural forces, including earthquakes and storms, but this was because they didn't know better ... so, come on now, you're reaching. If God was so mad about homosexuality, don't you think He'd do something more specific and damaging? Yes, I believe in signs but you can't go around believing everything is a sign to aid in your ridiculous beliefs.
Ooooo there's a bird outside my window! It's a message from God and He is trying to tell me to leave work right now and go do whatever I want because birds are free to roam Earth and soar from the heavens on wings of grace, just like I should be! Right? Maybe I should go up on the roof and jump like Eric in "The Boy Who Could Fly." What a great movie ...
Anyway, some people believe 2012 is upon us and the earthquake was a tap on the shoulder, a hint to our future destruction. Looky looky what I can do! There's more where that came from! Wink, wink. Or it wasn't God, it was aliens sucking up our natural resources before they suck out our brains and make us slaves.
I'll take shaping today's events to serve as evidence for our personal beliefs, biases and values for $2,000 Alex. Oh I picked a Daily Double?! Excuse me while I dry heave.
I know some people were joking, trying to get some likes on their Facebook page. But, as for the others, really?
Why are we so narrow minded to believe everything backs us up. Yeah, you can shape every situation and happening to back up your beliefs -- whether it's God's rage, aliens, politics, whatever. But isn't that a bit ridiculous?
How about using the earthquake as a reminder Mother Nature is bigger, badder and meaner than us all. I was in an earthquake Tuesday and have a hurricane barreling down on my lovely home. Mother Nature 2, Kate 0. I don't rule this planet or any planet for that matter. I can pollute the air with my automobile, take my non-biodegradable trash to the dump, promote big business by shopping at malls and big box stores ... but I'm never going to win because a hurricane, tsunami, earthquake or some other natural disaster could take it all away in mere seconds. This has nothing to do with Democrats or Republicans, the end of the world, aliens, homosexuality or Obama ... it has to do with humans and how we aren't dominate. Earth can kick our ass any day of the week and there's nothing we can do about it because we suck at her teet every second of the day, breathing the air, drinking the water, eating the food.
Or, maybe it really was aliens. Beam me up Scotty, there's no sign of intelligent life here.

E! Online compares Kris Humphries, Kardashian family to Prince William and the royals ... what's the big deal about Kim Kardashian's wedding

The U.S. unemployment rate in July was 9.1 percent. Americans are out of work or, if lucky enough to hold on to their jobs, faced with reduced hours and paychecks and higher prices at the pump and in the grocery store. People across the country worry over how they will buy food, gas, pay bills and provide for their families.
But don't let this stop Kim Kardashian and New Jersey Nets star Kris Humphries from providing America and the world with a $10 million wedding. Don't worry everybody ... according to msnbc, Kim stands to make a few million dollars selling her wedding photos (no wonder cameras aren't allowed at the wedding). She also released a limited-edition perfume to coincide with the big event, Love By Kim Kardashian -- wonder what greed smells like? She is playing America for millions yet people still feed on her every word like groupies. Is it because men want to do her and women want to be her so the men will do them? What's the deal with Kim K and the Kardashian family?
The media panders to the stupid and is on Kim's wedding, and life, like fruit flies on a rotten peach.
Is Kim losing weight to look good in her wedding photos? Kim is calm and not feeling any pre-wedding jitters (whew! I will sleep well tonight knowing this doozy!) Which wedding dress should Kim K wear?
According to E! Online (shocking they would furiously suck at the Kardashian teet since the family makes millions for E! ... shocking ... they are a PR campaign for their shows, especially considering the wedding will air in a two-night special on E! in October) ... anyway, according to E! Online Kim and Kris' wedding is "one of the most secretive weddings in history!" Nothing about Kim's life or her body is secret. Just ask Ray J or read "Playboy" or any trash rag.
In addition to publishing dozens of articles about the wedding, E! Online went as far to compare Kris Humphries and the Kardashian family to Prince William and the Royals ...
Could you imagine Kim Kardashian and Kate Middleton meeting? Kris H and Prince William? Kourtney and Pippa? Khloe and ... Grace Van Cutsem? Kendall and Kylie Jenner vs. Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie? And, last but not least, Kris Jenner and the Queen herself. Too bad they didn't include Bruce and Prince Charles and Rob Kardashian and Prince Harry.
A better comparison would be to spotlight the weird K obsession the Kardashian and Humphries families share. Kris H has two sisters, Krystal and Kaela. So we have Kim, Kris J, Kris H, Kourtney, Khloe, Kendall, Kylie, Krystal, Kaela ... pretty stupid.
Too bad money can't buy a royal title.
The only things these pairings make me think of -- other than the outright absurdity of comparing the money-hungry Kardashians to royalty -- is what a great episode of "Celebrity Deathmatch" these lineups would make. Can you imagine watching a fight to the death between the Queen Mum and Kris Jenner's Botoxed grill? Obviously Prince William will get his ass handed to him by hulky Kris H and Khloe would probably eat Grace. Kourtney might not fare so well against athletic Pippa. Place your bets world!
Absurdity like this makes me think of aliens ... it's arrogant to believe we are alone in such a vast, complicated and beautiful universe. If you're uber religious and think God uses the universe, as well as things like dinosaur fossils, to trick us into questioning our faith ... well, good luck with that.
So anyway, we've got these aliens flying around and they come upon Earth. They study us, hopefully to find out if we're a friendly race (not to find out how to turn us into slaves or destroy our planet). What do they learn? What would they think about our obsession with reality television, celebrities, porn, alcohol, plastic surgery, money and material possessions.
It's like a brother on the down low ... you can build this facade with a wife and children but it doesn't change the fact you have sex with men on the side, whether you want to acknowledge it or not.
Aliens aren't going to take the time to study us deeply ... unless they beam us up and do some probing -- ouch, not so rough baby! They are going to take a snapshot and take it for what it's worth. Maybe they catch the brother on the down low with his family or you reading The New Yorker. Maybe they catch the brother in bed at a ratty pay-by-the-hour hotel with two transvestites -- Gloria Hole and Ginger Vitis. Or they find you watching a marathon of "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" in your underwear with a bowl of popcorn and a pint of Ben & Jerry's Phish Food.
Would you do half the things you do if you knew other people were watching? Other people were taking notes and judging, building a character file on you? Well ... maybe they are watching right now. What would they see?
So ... with all this Kim Kardashian wedding b.s., the only thing I'd like to know is how long until Kim and Kris get divorced so E! can run a two-night special on Life After Divorce: Kim K Learns to Love Again ... too bad they will have millions of viewers tuned in to suck at the teet of filth and the dumbing of America. Whether you like it or not, Kim K and her family aren't real people, they are actors playing roles to suck every penny out of your pocket.

Let me be your hero ... why we worship strangers and misrepresenting friends, foes, why we wanna be just like them

What is it with hero worship?
When it comes to these people -- our heroes -- we wish we were like them (possibly even want to take over their body and life completely like in a sci-fi novel) because, then and only then, everything would be fabulous.
Maybe you aren't the type to say fabulous ... how about perfect? Sublime? Awesome? Or, if you wanna go old school, everything's aces! Tops! Anyway, if we were like our hero we would be happy, well liked, successful and satisfied.
If things go wrong -- we are upset, annoyed, depressed, angry, anxious -- we look for a savior. We look outside instead of looking within because we know what we will find, insecurities and negativity. If we ignore it then it will go away, right? It's so much easier to ignore it and wish upon a magic star we were someone or somewhere else.
It could be that we crave material possessions or food to fill the void or maybe we wish we were more like So-And-So who acts cool, calm and collected at all times.
If you can't handle the heat, get out of the kitchen ... well So-And-So stays in the kitchen and cooks a delicious five-course meal while still looking gorgeous because they are awesome!
Or, we wish we were married to So-And-So who would make the perfect mate because he or she is ... (insert craved for attributes here). How do we know? Well, duh, we've spent time with this person and they are perfect! We hear everyone talk about how perfect they are, everyone swoon.
We don't think this person can't possibly be perfect because no one is perfect. We don't think it's the image they project, instead of their true self. It's like when you first start dating someone ... it takes time before you get to the real person because everyone puts up a wall. Maybe it's a defense mechanism to protect their feelings or maybe it's a fake persona they use to attract someone ... you know, where they pretend to be interested in everything the other person enjoys so this person will like them, aka low self esteem. Whatever the reason, that ain't them!
And even when you get past those few months (or more) and, hopefully, are face-to-face with the true person, when you finally get past the mask, you will never know what it's like to be them. Even if they describe their innermost feelings and desires until they are blue in the face, you will never know because you are not them.
I'm not saying everyone is miserable deep inside. There are people who are happier than others. Duh. Everyone is different.
It's like when you see the finished product -- someone who plays the guitar really well or publishes a fantastic book -- and wish you could do that. You don't want to put in the time, the hours of work/practice, the frustration and second-guessing, you want the endgame! Similarly, you see these people and want to be like them or, pardon my French, do the big nasty with them because you know they are perfect, everything you've ever wanted and more.
Why can't we understand no one is perfect? These people -- celebrity or not -- have ups and downs like everyone else. Yeah, maybe a lot of them are better looking than the Average Joe but looks are fleeting for all and airbrushed and filled with Botox for most. These movie characters are not real. Everyone is just saying their lines for a paycheck.
Eric Northman is not going to walk in your back door (after asking to be invited in, of course) and sweep you off your feet to a life of luxury, darkness, and sex beyond your wildest dreams.
You're not going to wake up tomorrow, stumble into the bathroom and notice, wow, you've lost 15 pounds overnight! Look at those abs!
I'm not going to check my bank account to see if I have enough moolah to buy a full tank of gas and notice, oh me oh my, for some reason the U.S. Government deposited a check for $500,000 due to a computer error.
It must be my lucky day!
In addition to celebrities (real-life Hollywood shells of people as well as your heroes from TV, movies and books), your misrepresenting friends or acquaintances may be seasoned at putting on a mask, hiding their inner darkness and pretending everything is fantastic because, honestly, who enjoys hanging out with Debbie Downer? Nobody. Also, perhaps they could fake it until they make it ... you know, keep telling yourself everything is fine and then, voilà, it will be fine!
Is it because of the media? The media tells us who to love, who to hate and spins news this way or that with a few choice words to have us thinking this celebrity is crazy and stuck on her ex while this other celebrity has a perfect body but swears it's due to diet and exercise only. Doesn't life seem so much more important with cameras following you around and the world hanging on to every word you say and move you make?
Sources close to Ms. Blah Blah Blah say she eats raw carrots and green tea shakes and works out 10 hours a day!
Oh, how I want to be just like Ms. Blah Blah Blah so ... so ... ? Why do we want to be like these people, these people we don't know. Yeah, you read about them in the news, you watch their interviews on talk shows, you watch their films or TV shows but that's not them. It's all fake!
Although I was relieved to learn, through Entertainment Weekly, Bert and Ernie are not gay, according to a Sesame Street representative. Whew! Ernie can continue his love affair with Rubber Duckie and all will be well and good in the world.
Rubber duckie, I love you!
Maybe it's because in movies, TV shows and books we are given characters who are so intricately developed we begin to believe they are real. We sit and watch them week after week and foster a one-sided, beautiful friendship. These characters have gorgeous bodies or beautiful minds or lives or, perhaps, they don't but they often win in the end. Find their soul mate, catch the bad guy, get that new job because we don't want unhappy endings since we are already unhappy. We watch these movies and TV shows and read these books because we want to escape life -- maybe people, maybe a specific person, maybe a job or overall sadness. We want to sit for a half an hour or hour TV show or a two hour movie and not have to think. We want to live vicariously through someone else and that someone better land on their feet or it's all over for us. We so need someone to believe in, someone to show us that life isn't all bad, it's not always going to be this way.
It's like going to sleep and getting lost in a fantastic dream. It's so real and alive and wonderful until you wake up and it's gone and you're back to reality. It's Monday morning all over again. The holidays are over, along with your excuse for overeating, and here you stand with an extra 15 pounds injected right into your gut. Sexy!
Life is pain princess and if anyone tells you otherwise, they're selling something. Maybe it's an image, maybe it's just easier this way, maybe they don't want you to know ... whatever the case may be, no one is perfect. You aren't, I'm not and these heroes certainly are not either.
It reminds me of advertisements for tampons. You can find as much sunshine and happiness as you want and put it in a 30-second commercial or on a magazine page but I know buying your brand is not going to make my monthly bill any less lame. There is blood escaping my body through a very personal area (yuck), there are cramps, bitterness, bloating, large underwear and no white clothing involved ... as a seasoned menstrater, you ain't gonna fool me Chief! However, doesn't a part of you want to believe the advertisement. Wouldn't it be wonderful to switch tampon brands and find it makes everything so wonderful? Wouldn't it be wonderful to wear Axe Body Spray and have beautiful women crawling all over you?
No one wants to admit this is the way it is and how it's gonna be because that's not the type of society we live in. We want the miracle. We want everything handed to us. We want it to be easy.
It's like a writer who writes daily on different subjects (wink, wink, nudge, nudge ... me) but keeps finding he/she is writing about the same things. That's because I am what I am, those are the things I find interesting, those are the things that bother me. Yeah, I could want to be really into football, horror movies or video games so I can share that love with my husband, or really into decorating or cooking like a sibling, or simply be really into anything so I can find an anchor in life, an anchor to keep me grounded in meaning in this nasty sea. The waves rise and crash against me but at least I find comfort and purpose in scrapbooking or camping or live music.
However, too bad, so sad, I am not fanatic about any particular thing but that's OK. Cest la vie. I'm the youngest of four so I was raised under the impression it ain't all about me so I better learn to compromise, fight or starve. Maybe if we stop trying to be someone else or something else, we can finally be happy with what we are and, also, finally know what that is ...
However, maybe we need these strangers, these celebrities, and maybe we need our misrepresenting friends to distract us from life, give us something to hope for, something to dream about and shoot for so life doesn't seem so pointless and harsh. You're born and then you start dying. You are a candle burning and burning away until the light goes out.
On the other hand, maybe I think too much and need to get out of my head -- obviously I've heard this comment before -- but, as the 8-year-old boy I babysit for often says in response to anything he doesn't like, "who cares?"

Pat Buchanan, Obama, Al Sharpton and the "Your Boy" Circus

Ugh. So, while scrolling through headlines today I came across "Internet Takes Umbrage at Buchanan Calling Obama 'Boy.'" Ding, ding, ding ... peaked my interest. While not surprised, I was still appalled at the racial, demeaning slur.
However, don't judge a book by its cover or a news story by its racially charged spin (ratings, ratings, ratings! The media doesn't work for you, the media works for the almighty dollar).
Upon further investigation (as in, I read the article) my disgust shifted from Buchanan to Sharpton, the media and people across the country who wait at the ready to jump like rats and smear anything remotely involving Blacks and race. Smear it all across our faces like black shoe polish on a vaudeville performer.
Basically, Buchanan remarked "your boy" in the White House caved to Republicans during debt ceiling negotiations and was likely to do so again. Your boy, a slang term for someone in your favor, someone you give fanfare. Perhaps a slam at Sharpton for his own use of slang and being a Black man but not used as in the term "boy," which was a popular racial and demeaning nickname for Blacks.
Of course Sharpton says, "My what? My president Barack Obama? What did you say? He's nobody's boy. He's your president, he's my president, and that's what you have to get through your head." Although I agree not many people respect the role of president anymore, whether you are for them or against them, Sharpton (yet again!) is spinning a comment, changing the context and getting his blind followers heated over nonsense, absolute nonsense. I use the term "your boy" all the time, as do thousands of people, sarcastically and seriously. I.e. heard about your boy Albert Haynesworth passing the conditioning test. This has nothing to do with Albert being Black but with the person I am speaking with being a fan or a hater. Holla at your boy ...
Duh.
This is despicable. For all the people who are upset with Buchanan, you should be ashamed of yourselves. Is there racial discrimination in the United States? Yes and it's also despicable. However, this was not an example of racial discrimination, it was simply a comment smeared and spun so Sharpton can continue his evil empire of promoting his agenda and spreading hate by taking advantage of a taboo. Is it a coincidence Sharpton is close to securing his own show on MSNBC? I think not!

When you've had enough of Blah Land, Depression Street ... What to do when the happiness is gone

What do you do when you've had enough? You know ... when you can't even pay attention to reruns of your favorite TV show, well ... at least the one you thought was your favorite. You don't feel like reading the News Feed on Facebook, you've lost your get-up-and-go in regards to everyday activities from cooking to shopping and traveling to work and spending time with friends ...
So and so checked in at Pickles Pub with three other people, so and so uploaded vacation pictures from a cruise, so and so humorously commented on the annoyingly hot weather ...
You sigh and realize you don't care enough to scroll down the page, you don't even care enough to log into Facebook.
Or maybe you're used to the routine and log into Facebook on autopilot or push play on a recorded episode of your favorite show, and then, a few minutes in, your apathy rears its ugly head. You're not paying attention. The humor is there, perhaps in a comment from an actor or typed by a friend on Facebook, but you don't laugh.
You don't want to turn on music, don't feel like reading ... the trailers for new movies, from the exciting "Conan the Barbarian" to the funny "Our Idiot Brother" to the frightening "Fright Night," who cares? You become Debbie Downer and think how expensive going to the movies has gotten, what a hassle it is to drive to the nicer theater a few towns over ... wah wah ...
First thought: you're depressed. Get yourself a quack asap. However, what if you're overloaded with life? Your cup has runneth over, you got too many toppings on your baked potato ...
Life is overwhelming. There are so many choices, so many people crammed on this Lonely Planet, so much b.s. filling your day. The economy is in the crapper for America as well as your wallet, politicians can't and won't compromise (which isn't shocking but still ridiculous), your job sucks but it's not like there are many jobs available (and it's not like you will ever do what you love or even know what that job would entail), gas prices are up again, it's hotter than Salma Hayek dancing on a waffle iron outside, and a robot that uses its own reasoning when presented with a task was recently unveiled which scares the crap out of me. Oh, yeah, and Bachelorette Ashely picked JP over Ben ... oh wait, who the f- cares? If that last bit of news causes you extreme emotional turmoil than I don't know how you can be helped. However, for the other bits of news, even if you're not thinking about these things it doesn't matter, they are lurking in the back of your mind.
Does anyone ever stop and think about why ... why you are mad or sad, happy or scared? You can let situations rule your roost or you can take the reins of your thoughts! Talk back to the sadness, to the anger, to the hurt and tell those thoughts to shut up (well, maybe don't do this in public). Talk yourself down when you get overwhelmed or distraught. When you are in bed worried you are embarking on another sleepless night tell the anxious thoughts there is nothing that can be solved right now, nothing that can be done. Tomorrow you will do what you can but right now it's pointless. You can wish upon a magic star to change things but it's better to work to get over the things you can't change since you could be wishing for the rest of your life.
Isn't it interesting how emotional turmoil can be more exhausting than physical turmoil? Well ... it's definitely a different kind of exhaustion and hard to compare because physical exercise can be good for you, it's a stress reliever that can help shed pounds, improve your mood, boost your energy, help you sleep and also help you be a better lover! Yeah, it sucks for the most part but the benefits are vast! Think of a workout as your antidepressant pill! Think of your sweat session as Prozac.
Although you should exercise your brain and some stress can be helpful, too much emotional turmoil can drain your body, especially with situations out of your control and situations you ignore and repress.
You need down time ... you reached overload capacity ... the "warning warning" part was days ago ... you are in Blah Land, Numb-ville, Sarcasm Way, Cynical Boulevard ...
What do you do? Do you have a go to? A good nights sleep? Maybe you're tired, overworked ... cause doesn't matter. Maybe you stay away from the people and places who cause you emotional distress. What I'm interested in is what you do.
Perhaps it's time to switch up your routine ... watch a different TV show, take a hiatus from Facebook, aka the look-at-me empire, and do something different. Do something that will elicit the opposite response of how you are feeling, i.e. if you are sad and blue, watch something hilarious, something to make you laugh.
Or perhaps it's the turmoil that makes us stronger, makes us change. It's the difficult times in our lives, the hurt, the sadness, the anger that fill us up until we almost burst, that makes us get fed up and tired of these negative emotions and want to change. Or maybe it's trying and failing to change time and time again until we finally realize we are never going to be happy all the time, never going to be totally happily-ever-after but that's OK. Stay strong!
Or maybe you never feel this way and are absolutely fabulous morning, noon and night. If that's the case, eat me.