Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Sorry ladies of larger carriage, especially the women of "Big Sexy" ... Marilyn Monroe was not fat

Although I've heard this doozy over the years, it recently hit home ... as in Biff from "Back to the Future" knocked on my head and yelled, "Anybody home? Huh? Think Kate, think!"
I was perusing the racks of Goodwill (such a fashionista, I know) and what did my wondering eyes behold ... an unusual outfit in the dress section. I held it up for closer inspection and my mother, aka fashion-partner-in-crime, commented, "Oh that's not a dress, it's a swimsuit from the '60s."
That's when the wheels started turning ...
I remembered ... I have one of these swimsuits. It's my moms old one and it's made of a thin cloth material ... I remembered how it fits kinda weird but I like to wear it for a retro look ... then I remembered the sizing. Ding ding ding.
Too bad the wheels of my mind don't turn for more groundbreaking revelations, but whatever.
When my mom originally offered me her old swimsuit (don't the styles seem to recycle every few decades?), I remembered noticing the size was a bit larger than my size and I commented it wouldn't fit. She said, oh no sizes were different back then. So, I put it on and realized she was right, it fit perfect.
Enter Marilyn Monroe. It's been remarked -- typically from larger women -- that big is beautiful. With any hypothesis you need evidence and the evidence for larger women is Marilyn Monroe was a size 16. If this iconic beauty was a larger size, than that means big is beautiful. Right?
Please say right so they can go back to eating poorly and being large. They want excuses because those Fritos are calling their names!
Well ... sorry to be the bearer of bad news but your math may be a bit off. Considering those '60s swimsuits ... Americans haven't only gotten bigger over the last few decades, the sizes have changed accordingly. I would have been a much bigger size back then and, as I stand at 6-feet-tall, I have a feeling I would've heard horrified screams of "Godzilla" from the public as I walked down the street. Just kidding ... probably.
Also, I did some research and concluded no one seems to know for sure Marilyn Monroe's size. Yes, as happens with most women, it fluctuated over her short span on Earth but nothing over-the-top. Also, as a celebrity of that era, wouldn't most of her clothing be tailored? Wouldn't she have a dressmaker?
So, with that in mind, I looked up her measurements and found these facts:
She was 5'5" and her weight fluctuated from 118 to 140 over the years. Her measurements were 37-23-36 and she was a 36D. Classic hourglass shape ... like ridiculously classic. Somewhere Sir Mix-a-lot is licking his big ass lips. Mmmm ...
With this in mind, bigger women need to leave poor Marilyn Monroe alone because she wasn't big. Voluptuous? Yes. Big? No way. She was the definition of sexy for that era and even today is a glorified sex pot. She's not some poster-girl for your cause. She's dead!
Honestly, even if she was a present-day size 16, would that make these women feel better? You could take 10 women with the same height and weight and have 10 completely different shaped human beings. So, what's the point. Leave Marilyn alone!
This makes me think about America. I read an article in "Prevention" magazine recently titled "How America Got So Fat (And So Sick)" and noticed a chart showing portion sizes entitled "Portion Distortion" ... one picture showed a 2003 portion size of spaghetti while the other was what Americans ate in 1983. What a difference! The calories were 500 in 1983 and 1,025 in 2003 because we evolved from 1 cup of spaghetti and three small meatballs for dinner to 2 cups of pasta and three huge meatballs! That was 2003, what do our portion sizes look like now since, according to the CDC, the portions grow every decade along with our waist sizes!
We want to super-size, we want more for our money, we want the extra-large chocolate shake instead of a drink, we want soda and desserts, we want, we want, we want, we want and we wonder why we're all so fat. What direction are we headed? Just look at commercials ... what's advertised? Bigger meals for less money. Bingo!
So, instead of using Marilyn Monroe for your poster child, pick someone who is actually a larger woman. Mia Tyler, Emme ... big is beautiful! You know what's not beautiful? Trying to make yourself feel better by using scapegoats. She's fat so it's OK I'm fat. No it's not! You are you, not somebody else! Fat, skinny, hairy, bald ... be you!

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