As a resident of the eastern seaboard of the United States, I was concerned about Hurricane Irene. Obviously, since mama didn't raise no fool. Although ... I was most concerned with my Fantasy Football draft that weekend oozing with promises of day-drinking, smack-talking and bar-hopping. Of course, I was also worried about my home, belongings and the safety of myself and loved ones.
Instead of becoming a tough guy -- I ain't afraid of no hurricane -- I morphed into an 85-year-old retiree with weather on my mind. Small talk about the weather finally was interesting! I purchased bottled water and bread from the grocery store (well, what was left after the masses ran through there like the Apocalypse was close at hand). I returned home and was glued to weather.com and the Weather Channel.
Well ... glued for a little while since this obsession didn't last long. The talking weather heads sure were talking but didn't seem to know the exact course of the raging bitch, aka Irene. Although, it was humorous when Irene arrived in the U.S. and home viewers were given some no-name meteorologist in the midst of hurricane-force wind and rain with only a rain jacket, a microphone and a crouching tiger, hidden dragon pose to keep them from flying away. What morons.
Anywho, hurricanes and tropical storms are unpredictable. I'm not implying meteorologists are stupid because they aren't. Although some are extremely annoying -- yuk yuk Al Roker yuk yuk, aka A-Roke -- they are educated and intelligent in the wacky world of weather, a subject I am not well versed considering the only weather-related fact I remember from science class is that Scalene Clouds look like fish scales and foreshadow rain.
Although weathermen (and women who were obviously hired for more than their brains ...) are intelligent, weather is not an exact science. Key words in the Irene weather reporting included "possibly," "probably," "could," "might" ... notice a pattern?
Tropical Cyclone in Gulf Could Mean Rainy Holiday Weekend
Katia moves East ... she moves West ... she builds speed ... touchdown!
They know enough to tell us what's out there but they don't know enough to give us an exact prediction. All they can do is warn us something is coming. Something wicked this way comes. That was the scariest part.
It reminded me of a schoolyard bully. Instead of the typical, "I'll meet you after school at the bus stop. Your ass is grass!" ... we got "I will come for you ... or not. Maybe after school, maybe later tonight or maybe in an hour ... it might be at the bus stop ... or not. I may deliver a raging beatdown or not come at all. Your ass may or may not be grass."
Yikes. So you wait. You prepare as best you can. You make arrangements. You wait. I sometimes wish I knew what my future holds but what if it's something bad? Yeah, maybe I'd do as the cliche says and live life to the fullest and cherish everyday ... but I think I'm more likely to be freaked out everyday until the bad shit happens. You know, crossing out days on my calendar until the shit hits the fan. Sometimes it's better not to know.
Anyway, Irene came, she saw, she conquered some, blew past others. Some people felt her wrath rain down upon them, others were disappointed. Mostly people went to the bar for Hurricane Parties to drink away their worry -- anything is an excuse to party. I was a few beers deep myself when she started lighting us up (a few ... a dozen ... who's counting) so my memory is a bit hazy but I can tell you for a fact I didn't have power for three days because a fallen tree ripped through a power line in my neighborhood. I could bitch and moan about having to throw away all the food in my fridge and being hassled with no power for days or I could feel lucky I wasn't one of the 42 who died. Feel lucky a tree didn't fall on my house or flood waters didn't ruin my furnishings.
For all the New Yorkers upset because they think their officials overreacted ... shut up and return to thinking you're the most important people in the world. Shove a bagel down your throat, choke on some espresso and fill your lives with bright lights, filth and traffic. People died, people didn't have power for days ... think outside your pollution filled bubble for once. Some parts got hit harder than others and all of it was compared to powerhouse Hurricane Katrina. My hurricane was bigger than your hurricane!
Yeah maybe it was hyped but that's part people-are-stupid-and-need-an-extreme-warning-so-they-don't-go-outside-during-a-storm-but-probably-will-anyway and part this was the Superbowl for meteorologists who typically talk about sunshine, rain and boring shit. They want to be Helen Hunt in "Twister" (who doesn't), they want extreme weather so they can totally geek out and talk about tropical depressions and cyclones, they want to track major storms.
For all the complainers, you have a brain. Perhaps your brain is not as well developed (aka you're dumb) but that's your fault. When people are over-hyping things, use your brain. Track the weather, Google the hurricane and check statistics. Don't blame others for your own stupidity because that makes you look even stupider. And that's not a good look!
Although ... maybe meteorologists shouldn't over hype storms so stupid people continue about their business and venture out and about in the storm and die at the mercy of the whirling wind and rain so they stop repopulating the Earth at an astounding rate. Just a thought ...
Anywho ... hurricane season is upon us folks and will continue to resurface every year. It's like when people get bent out of shape when summertime is hot and wintertime is cold ... duh, this happens every year so get with the program! This hurricane season, better safe than sorry ... well, except for stupid folks. When Hurricane Katia comes, why don't you go outside when she arrives and say hello? Won't you be, won't you be, please won't you be Katia's neighbor?
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