Have you ever watched an episode of "Two and a Half Men" -- on purpose or not? I can't say I've caught a recent one with man-child Ashton "Kutchie-King" Kutcher but I've sat through a few reruns with the warlock himself, Charlie Sheen.
My viewership ended after catching two or three random episodes while lazily flipping channels -- entertain me magic box! -- because each episode was identical. It's your typical sitcom-shtick with safe-for-TV-after-8 racy undertones and far-fetched scenarios. Boobies, booze and babes. Yuck, yuck, yuck!
In addition to Kutcher, the other man in this equation is Jon "Forever Duckie" Cryer. Although decades removed from "Pretty in Pink," he's playing the same awkward, geeky character as he did in 1986, which goes to show he's playing himself like Kutcher has for decades. I wish I could be cast as the cynical, crass, Amazon woman in some retched sitcom for thousands of dollars an episode.
Sigh.
Angus T. Jones, who plays Jake, the son of Cryer's character, is the half. He's been playing this role since age 9 and now, at age 19, is becoming more than half, possibly 78% man. He was cute as the chubby, witty child but now, as the awkward teenager, his character is losing its charm, which is good because Jones wants out.
In a rant recently posted online for Forerunner Chronicles (linked to the Seventh-day Adventist movement -- go ahead and make your best eerie yikes face), Jones commented, in his best unenthusiastic deadpan voice:
If you watch Two and a Half Men, please stop watching Two and a Half Men. I'm on Two and a Half Men and I don't want to be on it. Please stop watching it and filling your head with filth. People say it's just entertainment. Do some research on the effects of television and your brain, and I promise you you'll have a decision to make when it comes to television, especially what you watch.
What's up with wackos and their research? Reminds me of when Tom Cruise argued with Matt Lauer on "The Today Show" -- "you don't understand the history of psychiatry." Also, a videotaped testimonial? Who does he think he is, Osama bin Laden? Nicholas Brody in "Homeland?"
If I am doing any harm, I don't want to be here. I don't want to be contributing to the enemy's plan. … You cannot be a true God-fearing person and be on a television show like that. I know I can't. I'm not OK with what I'm learning, what the Bible says and being on that television show.
He can't be a true God-fearing person because he's on the Satan Network but he's still on the show because of his contract? He doesn't want to be there if he's doing harm but admits you can't watch the show if you fear God ... I'm confused. He is doing harm or not? Is Satan running this show or not? Could you imagine walking into an office for an interview and a big, beautiful leather desk chair turns around as you enter and you're face-to-face with Satan? I'd poop myself for sure.
Jones has attended this church for less than a year yet has it all figured out with a little help from his friend and spiritual guide Christopher Hudson, who is also featured in his testimonial looking like a fake ass Romany Malco.
Jones found Hudson through the ForeRunner Chronicles video series and remarked his videos, which he "loves watching," have been a "blessing" and the "information is so great." These videos cover a variety of topics, including:
Jay-Z is a Freemason with ties to the devil.
Beyonce is leading people away from Christ and toward accepting all men of homosexual practices.
Obama's healthcare plan is similar to Hitler's policies.
The NYC gas crisis can lead to cannibalism -- direct quote: "Your baby might start looking like a chicken wing."
Hopefully a dingo doesn't eat your baby. I'm so confused with these fundamentalist theories I might draft a genealogical chart of Hitler and the Devil because apparently Jay-Z is the brother of Rosemary's Baby and so is your TV -- Freddy Krueger is in your TV so now it makes sense, right?
What is it with "Two and a Half Men" and actors losing their shit? First Charlie Sheen attacks executive producer and co-creator Chuck Lorre before quickly morphing into a crack-fueled, drunken, warlock alien, mouthing off about tiger blood and wizardry like a drugged out Harry Potter. Now, we have Angus T. Evangelist Jones and his Spiritual Guide preaching to anyone with an Internet connection while Jones continues to cash his roughly $350,000 an episode paycheck -- which, as he mentioned, is Satan's money. I'm sure he's spent his Satan blood money on a pretty comfortable life -- do as I say, not as I do. I want some Satan blood money! How much has he earned from the show in his 10-year stint as Jake? What does the hand that fed him millions of dollars taste like? Jesus' love? You could argue all the money in the world can't help if you truly hate what you do but I believe Jones drank too much of the Kool-Aid.
It's reported his mother is worried he's being exploited by the church. That's a bingo!
Christianity has become fuel for hate speech -- with Christians hating others with differing sexuality, religion, race and political views. It boggles my mind how people can pretend to be these angelic, God-fearing, Jesus-loving Christians while they stand upon their Internet-run soapboxes and judge and hate to their black hearts delight. What happened to loving God and loving your neighbor? Look in the mirror before telling others how to live.
As for Jones, if he really hated the show he'd donate his paychecks to charity, not bitch and moan while spending millions on material possessions, luxuries and a new pair of George McFly eyeglasses. Give me a break hipster!
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Fear mongering: Black Friday and Cyber Monday are one big gimmicky tease
Are you reading this on a half-charged SmartPhone because you've been camped outside a Wal-Mart for days? The cold temperatures, the air mattress and multi-colored lawn chairs, the boredom, the unpaid time off from work, making sure one of your crew stays behind while you search for a bathroom, food and somewhere to brush your sweatery teeth ... all so you can be first in line for some hot, nasty Black Friday action. What's your poison? A big screen TV so you can see Honey Boo-Boo and Kardashian booty in 50" plasma-y glory? Maybe a Hamilton Beach Single Serving Blender and Biggest Loser Food Scale -- it's a bundle! -- so you can finally get in shape because to lose weight you don't need to hit the gym or eat fruits and vegetables, you need to buy something to do the work for you! It's a Christmas miracle!
Instead of rising at the butt crack of dawn on Black Friday, businesses started the craze earlier with Thanksgiving night deals because their employees are dying to wait on rude, crazed, cheapass folk! Is there a death toll this year for how many people will be trampled to death?
But wait! There's more! To further help with your Christmas shopping, there's Cyber Monday with online deals as well as Small Business Saturday so we don't forget the little guys. Deals! Hot! Red hot! The prices are dropping so fast and so hard so they can bring the savings to you! Don't forget the Apple Black Friday Sale with deals on their overpriced, but wonderful, products for one day only. One day! Go! Run! Get there!
What happened to overeating on turkey, sweet potato casserole, corn pudding, stuffing and pumpkin pie with family members you love or love to secretly hate before unbuttoning your "big jeans" and dozing off on the couch? I also refer to these big jeans as my eating pants. Don't judge. Maybe take a walk (more like a waddle) afterwards so you can pretend you burned the 5,000 calories you ingested by lazily frolicking down the street. You typically get Friday off so you can prepare your home for Christmas or relax. You hear that noise? It's the calm before the storm called Christmas. But wait ... what's this? Big business heard you have a day off from work! Oh no! Of course you need to spend that day spending money!
Insert newspaper circulars, e-mailed reminders, television commercials -- spend, spend, spend!
Americans spend the entire year complaining about the economy and how they're broke as the saddest joke ever told and then, come the day after Thanksgiving, they go apeshit and kill each other at midnight over a 50" plasma TV and a $15 toaster. There was a time when I enjoyed visiting the mall in December to get tipsy at the California Pizza Kitchen (word to the wise, they cut you off after three so make yours doubles!) before embarking on my Christmas shopping stumble. I checked everyone off my list just in time to sober up and drive me and my headache home. Nowadays you'd be lucky to find a parking space, let alone get inside that crowded sucker. No thanks. Can't do it. Won't do it. Not gonna do it. It wouldn't be prudent.
Cyber Monday is a ploy for retailers to milk the Black Friday revenue. They want to see how many days they can eek this sucker out because they are fear mongers. They scare us into believing we'll miss out on huge savings on items we want and need if we ignore these few crucial days. They try to make us believe nothing will ever be on sale again so if we don't take advantage we will ruin Christmas for everyone.
This Thanksgiving, what are you thankful for? Family (especially the ones you actually like to be around), food, loved ones, or hot deals at Target? My advice: make a list like you're going to the grocery store so you don't return home with everything you don't need. Impulse buys are not your friend. Check the list twice. Shop around. Items will be on sale after Cyber Monday, I promise. Honestly, I'd rather have a thoughtful gift you found after shopping around on the Internet and in stores than an item you bought Black Friday at 4 a.m. because it was on sale and you were loopy from lack of sleep, six gooey Frappes, binge eating and being a fear mongered loony.
Instead of rising at the butt crack of dawn on Black Friday, businesses started the craze earlier with Thanksgiving night deals because their employees are dying to wait on rude, crazed, cheapass folk! Is there a death toll this year for how many people will be trampled to death?
But wait! There's more! To further help with your Christmas shopping, there's Cyber Monday with online deals as well as Small Business Saturday so we don't forget the little guys. Deals! Hot! Red hot! The prices are dropping so fast and so hard so they can bring the savings to you! Don't forget the Apple Black Friday Sale with deals on their overpriced, but wonderful, products for one day only. One day! Go! Run! Get there!
What happened to overeating on turkey, sweet potato casserole, corn pudding, stuffing and pumpkin pie with family members you love or love to secretly hate before unbuttoning your "big jeans" and dozing off on the couch? I also refer to these big jeans as my eating pants. Don't judge. Maybe take a walk (more like a waddle) afterwards so you can pretend you burned the 5,000 calories you ingested by lazily frolicking down the street. You typically get Friday off so you can prepare your home for Christmas or relax. You hear that noise? It's the calm before the storm called Christmas. But wait ... what's this? Big business heard you have a day off from work! Oh no! Of course you need to spend that day spending money!
Insert newspaper circulars, e-mailed reminders, television commercials -- spend, spend, spend!
Americans spend the entire year complaining about the economy and how they're broke as the saddest joke ever told and then, come the day after Thanksgiving, they go apeshit and kill each other at midnight over a 50" plasma TV and a $15 toaster. There was a time when I enjoyed visiting the mall in December to get tipsy at the California Pizza Kitchen (word to the wise, they cut you off after three so make yours doubles!) before embarking on my Christmas shopping stumble. I checked everyone off my list just in time to sober up and drive me and my headache home. Nowadays you'd be lucky to find a parking space, let alone get inside that crowded sucker. No thanks. Can't do it. Won't do it. Not gonna do it. It wouldn't be prudent.
Cyber Monday is a ploy for retailers to milk the Black Friday revenue. They want to see how many days they can eek this sucker out because they are fear mongers. They scare us into believing we'll miss out on huge savings on items we want and need if we ignore these few crucial days. They try to make us believe nothing will ever be on sale again so if we don't take advantage we will ruin Christmas for everyone.
This Thanksgiving, what are you thankful for? Family (especially the ones you actually like to be around), food, loved ones, or hot deals at Target? My advice: make a list like you're going to the grocery store so you don't return home with everything you don't need. Impulse buys are not your friend. Check the list twice. Shop around. Items will be on sale after Cyber Monday, I promise. Honestly, I'd rather have a thoughtful gift you found after shopping around on the Internet and in stores than an item you bought Black Friday at 4 a.m. because it was on sale and you were loopy from lack of sleep, six gooey Frappes, binge eating and being a fear mongered loony.
Friday, November 16, 2012
Hostess, Twinkies and your stomach: Who is sobbing over the death of Golden Sponge Cakes With Creamy Filling
On Friday, Nov. 16, 2012, Twinkie "Golden Sponge Cake with Creamy Filling" Hostess went to be with the Lord. The urban legend of immortality was a lie. He was 82.
He was born in 1930, in Schiller Park, Illinois, the son of James Alexander Dewar, a baker for the Continental Baking Company. His childhood featured a filling of banana cream until World War II when rationing forced Twinkie to be filled with vanilla cream. In his 50s, during a mid-life crisis of sorts, Twinkie experimented with strawberry filling but soon returned to his vanilla roots. He would be vanilla until his death.
He is survived by his various cousins, especially Wonder Bread and Ring Ding, who he was close with later in life.
A memorial service will be held at 4:20 p.m. Saturday, Nov. 17, at 7-11 convenience stores across the United States.
In lieu of flowers, memorial contributions may be made to Stoners For Jesus Inc.
I've been on a diet since the beginning of June. Oh, wait. I'm not supposed to say that. Diet is a dirty birdy word. It's not a diet, it's a lifestyle change. So, let me clear my throat and try again. (This is when you imagine me, in my mother's basement, clearing my throat in a room lit only by the electric glow of my computer screen.) Ah hem. Since the beginning of June, I've made significant changes to my lifestyle, specifically sustenance-based because, when you boil it down, I am fueling the most expensive vehicle I'll ever own, my body. Why should I expect my vehicle to run smoothly if I fuel it with unwholesome filth?
This brings me to the hot topic of today. No, not the violence in Gaza. No, not Gen. David Petraeus (speaking of dirty birdies) testifying about Benghazi. No, not the fiscal cliff or the four people who died, and 17 injured, when a freight train plowed into a parade float carrying wounded veterans. I'm not even talking about the popularity of Black Ops 2. I'm talking Twinkies. I'm talking Wonder Bread, Ring Dings, Devil Dogs, Coffee Cake, Fruit Pies. I'm talking HoHos, Beefsteak rye bread and Sunbeam. Love the Drake, hate the Drake -- many people are saddened today when news hit Hostess Brands is filling for bankruptcy.
Insert fat guy joke here -- maybe involving his shock when the news hits, followed by moments of panic before (flight or fight!) fleeing to the closest store to stock up on his favorites (then imagine the day he's gone through his stash and holds in his hand the last Twinkie. His sadness is Lifetime made-for-TV-movie worthy.)
Anyway, what interested me most about this news was the reasoning behind the bankruptcy. Obama-haters will quickly reply it's the economy stupid and Obama is causing Americans to lose jobs instead of gain jobs like he promised.
You made promises, promises, Knowing I'd believe. Promises, promises, You knew you'd never keep! (Wouldn't it be funny if you could treat politicians like you'd treat a cheating lover. Get all up in Obama's face with your pointer finger drawing the letter S in the sky as you rip into him. Jerry! Jerry!)
Anyway, not-so-fast -- Hostess reached a contract agreement with its largest union, the International Brotherhood of Teamsters (sounds like a roller derby team for a secret society -- bet their uniforms are creepy!), recently but thousands of members in its second-biggest union went on strike late last week after rejecting a contract in September offering cut wages and benefits. Hostess CEO Gregory Rayburn warned employees he would file for bankruptcy if they didn't return to work (maybe a threat, maybe not) because production was below normal and their profit margin was very thin. They didn't return, sales were lost and cash flow was low so he closed the doors on an iconic empire. Although, it's being reported a lot of the turmoil over cash flow is due to big bonuses given to Twinkie big wigs (which makes me think of a Twinkie wearing a wig, which makes me laugh). Shame shame, we know your name!
Anyway, Mr. Twinkie (Rayburn) gave this reason: the industry is overcapacity. Think about your grocery store: the bread and snack food aisles -- classic staples in most American carb-and-sugar-obsessed households. How many different types of bread can you buy? It's outrageous. Whole wheat, whole grain, white, all natural, organic, rye, fiber enriched, oat bran, buns, rolls, Texas toast ... the brands and options are endless. In the snack food aisles, the goodies are endless. The industry is saturated with options because every few months there's a hot item -- pomegranate and pumpkin flavoring, low fat, low calorie, no saturated fat, quinoa, chipolte, all natural ... companies need to stay on top of the changing of the times and grocery stores want a big selection. It's overwhelming.
As for Twinkies, Americans in all shapes and sizes are troubled because Hostess (not to mention its various brands) is a symbol for joy and childhood. Maybe you haven't had a Twinkie or a piece of Wonder Bread in years but it's a household name and when someone takes away an item that's been a part of your life forever ... well ... that's troubling. They might as well kick your dog! However, don't blame it on the economy or some underpaid striking workers. Blame it on the over saturation of mass-produced, factory made, American food. You don't believe me? Cracker Jack just announced a new ingredient ... caffeine!
As for me, I haven't eaten a Twinkie or Ding Dong or King Kong or Kim Jong-il or whatever for ... I can't remember. Growing up I was an oatmeal cream pie gal. Nowadays, when I hunger for sweetness, I prefer something fresh and homemade because desserts aren't staples, they are luxuries, so why not make sure it's delicious and not made with chemicals (did you know Twinkies have beef fat in them? Sodium stearoyl lactylate -- I don't even know what this is!)? When Twinkies were born in 1930, they were unleashed on a thinner America, an America with less snack foods, soda and junk food filling our shopping carts. Less preservatives and chemicals injected into our bloodstreams. An America without an obsession with reality television and video games. We can't handle unhealthy foods which, in turn, over saturates the market because companies know we are hungry for carbs and sugar. It's an addiction like alcohol and cigarettes. They are cheap and easy to mass produce so that's a bingo as Hans Landa would say.
Although ... I don't know Rayburn so I can't say for sure but wouldn't it be interesting if he staged this whole thing? You know, took advantage of the protesting and cried bankruptcy so America would freak out and beeline to the snack shelves. We didn't want it before but now there's news we can't have it so we want it bad!
He was born in 1930, in Schiller Park, Illinois, the son of James Alexander Dewar, a baker for the Continental Baking Company. His childhood featured a filling of banana cream until World War II when rationing forced Twinkie to be filled with vanilla cream. In his 50s, during a mid-life crisis of sorts, Twinkie experimented with strawberry filling but soon returned to his vanilla roots. He would be vanilla until his death.
He is survived by his various cousins, especially Wonder Bread and Ring Ding, who he was close with later in life.
A memorial service will be held at 4:20 p.m. Saturday, Nov. 17, at 7-11 convenience stores across the United States.
In lieu of flowers, memorial contributions may be made to Stoners For Jesus Inc.
I've been on a diet since the beginning of June. Oh, wait. I'm not supposed to say that. Diet is a dirty birdy word. It's not a diet, it's a lifestyle change. So, let me clear my throat and try again. (This is when you imagine me, in my mother's basement, clearing my throat in a room lit only by the electric glow of my computer screen.) Ah hem. Since the beginning of June, I've made significant changes to my lifestyle, specifically sustenance-based because, when you boil it down, I am fueling the most expensive vehicle I'll ever own, my body. Why should I expect my vehicle to run smoothly if I fuel it with unwholesome filth?
This brings me to the hot topic of today. No, not the violence in Gaza. No, not Gen. David Petraeus (speaking of dirty birdies) testifying about Benghazi. No, not the fiscal cliff or the four people who died, and 17 injured, when a freight train plowed into a parade float carrying wounded veterans. I'm not even talking about the popularity of Black Ops 2. I'm talking Twinkies. I'm talking Wonder Bread, Ring Dings, Devil Dogs, Coffee Cake, Fruit Pies. I'm talking HoHos, Beefsteak rye bread and Sunbeam. Love the Drake, hate the Drake -- many people are saddened today when news hit Hostess Brands is filling for bankruptcy.
Insert fat guy joke here -- maybe involving his shock when the news hits, followed by moments of panic before (flight or fight!) fleeing to the closest store to stock up on his favorites (then imagine the day he's gone through his stash and holds in his hand the last Twinkie. His sadness is Lifetime made-for-TV-movie worthy.)
Anyway, what interested me most about this news was the reasoning behind the bankruptcy. Obama-haters will quickly reply it's the economy stupid and Obama is causing Americans to lose jobs instead of gain jobs like he promised.
You made promises, promises, Knowing I'd believe. Promises, promises, You knew you'd never keep! (Wouldn't it be funny if you could treat politicians like you'd treat a cheating lover. Get all up in Obama's face with your pointer finger drawing the letter S in the sky as you rip into him. Jerry! Jerry!)
Anyway, not-so-fast -- Hostess reached a contract agreement with its largest union, the International Brotherhood of Teamsters (sounds like a roller derby team for a secret society -- bet their uniforms are creepy!), recently but thousands of members in its second-biggest union went on strike late last week after rejecting a contract in September offering cut wages and benefits. Hostess CEO Gregory Rayburn warned employees he would file for bankruptcy if they didn't return to work (maybe a threat, maybe not) because production was below normal and their profit margin was very thin. They didn't return, sales were lost and cash flow was low so he closed the doors on an iconic empire. Although, it's being reported a lot of the turmoil over cash flow is due to big bonuses given to Twinkie big wigs (which makes me think of a Twinkie wearing a wig, which makes me laugh). Shame shame, we know your name!
Anyway, Mr. Twinkie (Rayburn) gave this reason: the industry is overcapacity. Think about your grocery store: the bread and snack food aisles -- classic staples in most American carb-and-sugar-obsessed households. How many different types of bread can you buy? It's outrageous. Whole wheat, whole grain, white, all natural, organic, rye, fiber enriched, oat bran, buns, rolls, Texas toast ... the brands and options are endless. In the snack food aisles, the goodies are endless. The industry is saturated with options because every few months there's a hot item -- pomegranate and pumpkin flavoring, low fat, low calorie, no saturated fat, quinoa, chipolte, all natural ... companies need to stay on top of the changing of the times and grocery stores want a big selection. It's overwhelming.
As for Twinkies, Americans in all shapes and sizes are troubled because Hostess (not to mention its various brands) is a symbol for joy and childhood. Maybe you haven't had a Twinkie or a piece of Wonder Bread in years but it's a household name and when someone takes away an item that's been a part of your life forever ... well ... that's troubling. They might as well kick your dog! However, don't blame it on the economy or some underpaid striking workers. Blame it on the over saturation of mass-produced, factory made, American food. You don't believe me? Cracker Jack just announced a new ingredient ... caffeine!
As for me, I haven't eaten a Twinkie or Ding Dong or King Kong or Kim Jong-il or whatever for ... I can't remember. Growing up I was an oatmeal cream pie gal. Nowadays, when I hunger for sweetness, I prefer something fresh and homemade because desserts aren't staples, they are luxuries, so why not make sure it's delicious and not made with chemicals (did you know Twinkies have beef fat in them? Sodium stearoyl lactylate -- I don't even know what this is!)? When Twinkies were born in 1930, they were unleashed on a thinner America, an America with less snack foods, soda and junk food filling our shopping carts. Less preservatives and chemicals injected into our bloodstreams. An America without an obsession with reality television and video games. We can't handle unhealthy foods which, in turn, over saturates the market because companies know we are hungry for carbs and sugar. It's an addiction like alcohol and cigarettes. They are cheap and easy to mass produce so that's a bingo as Hans Landa would say.
Although ... I don't know Rayburn so I can't say for sure but wouldn't it be interesting if he staged this whole thing? You know, took advantage of the protesting and cried bankruptcy so America would freak out and beeline to the snack shelves. We didn't want it before but now there's news we can't have it so we want it bad!
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Obama, Romney, Conservatives, Liberals: What I learned from the 2012 election
I can hardly stomach Facebook and Twitter. The amount of political posts made me nervously seek out the closest trash can because I was surely going to retch.
On election day, people were Tweeting and posting pictures of their "I Voted" stickers like superheros, like the lamest Superman ever to exist. He's not faster than a speeding bullet but he accomplishes tasks! He votes! He pays his taxes! He doesn't break the law! He checks items off his To-Do List!
He is the most uninteresting man in the world.
The election-hangover has set its claws into American minds. We get poor winners and poor losers. The left are rejoicing and letting everyone know about their win, like their vote decided the race and Obama is going to save us from Romneyitis and self-destruction. The right are supporting the Mayan calendar and preparing for the end of the world. They have their bags packed for Australia and Canada (just like the left did when George W. Bush was reelected) -- which I find funny because Australia has universal health care, strict gun laws, no death penalty, openly gay politicians and judges, and a female prime minister who is an unmarried atheist. Hell on Earth to a conservative! As for Canada, Republicans won't love the free health care, gay marriage and big government! Also, what do you think? You'll just be able to cross the border and, voila, they will crown you king of Canada? Look it up, it takes a lot to be allowed to live in Canada. They don't want us as much as we don't want them.
For devastated right-wingers, you can always join Donald Trump's Revolution. Sounds like a fitness video offered on QVC at 4 a.m. for half price.
I guess these people didn't have parents who constantly reminded them never to talk about politics and religion in social situations because, to me, Facebook and Twitter is a ginormous social situation. Although, I can see why people think it's OK to let their freak flag fly high on social media -- they are safely sequestered at home, not face-to-face. You're not Joe Smith from Podunk, Miss., you are BigAces675. Look at the big brain on you!
The majority of people Twittering and posting as fast as their piggie fingers can type are sharing political outrage because they want to make it all about them. Isn't that social media? It's all well and good when you complain about a bad day or, on the other side of the coin, an exciting moment in your life but it becomes exhausting when it's all politics or the dreaded female self-portraits via cell phone. Why do women do that? We know what you look like sweetheart. Stop puckering up buttercup and live your life.
Compare your average political Facebook ranter to a rioter in Egypt or Yemen. Would they throw rocks and sticks at tanks and armed soldiers? Would they stand in front of a tank a la Tienanmen Square? No. We are fat, lazy Americans who don't trouble ourselves with much of the turmoil of the world. We commute to work in our gas guzzlers, eat fast food, watch football and reality television and slowly turn into rotting vegetables. We complain while disguised as our Internet-alter-egos and are spineless rubes in real-life.
People complain about too much government and Obama being a socialist but when something goes majorly wrong -- aka the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy -- they complain relief isn't coming fast enough. They are hypocrites! Their beliefs exist as long as they are convenient and revolve around their little world.
So, now the election is over, people will forget they are self-described political pundits and leech on to the next craze. What's the next big thing gonna be? Another baby killer to shame and crucify before he/she has a trial? Another big name sex offender? Judge away America.
On election day, people were Tweeting and posting pictures of their "I Voted" stickers like superheros, like the lamest Superman ever to exist. He's not faster than a speeding bullet but he accomplishes tasks! He votes! He pays his taxes! He doesn't break the law! He checks items off his To-Do List!
He is the most uninteresting man in the world.
The election-hangover has set its claws into American minds. We get poor winners and poor losers. The left are rejoicing and letting everyone know about their win, like their vote decided the race and Obama is going to save us from Romneyitis and self-destruction. The right are supporting the Mayan calendar and preparing for the end of the world. They have their bags packed for Australia and Canada (just like the left did when George W. Bush was reelected) -- which I find funny because Australia has universal health care, strict gun laws, no death penalty, openly gay politicians and judges, and a female prime minister who is an unmarried atheist. Hell on Earth to a conservative! As for Canada, Republicans won't love the free health care, gay marriage and big government! Also, what do you think? You'll just be able to cross the border and, voila, they will crown you king of Canada? Look it up, it takes a lot to be allowed to live in Canada. They don't want us as much as we don't want them.
For devastated right-wingers, you can always join Donald Trump's Revolution. Sounds like a fitness video offered on QVC at 4 a.m. for half price.
I guess these people didn't have parents who constantly reminded them never to talk about politics and religion in social situations because, to me, Facebook and Twitter is a ginormous social situation. Although, I can see why people think it's OK to let their freak flag fly high on social media -- they are safely sequestered at home, not face-to-face. You're not Joe Smith from Podunk, Miss., you are BigAces675. Look at the big brain on you!
The majority of people Twittering and posting as fast as their piggie fingers can type are sharing political outrage because they want to make it all about them. Isn't that social media? It's all well and good when you complain about a bad day or, on the other side of the coin, an exciting moment in your life but it becomes exhausting when it's all politics or the dreaded female self-portraits via cell phone. Why do women do that? We know what you look like sweetheart. Stop puckering up buttercup and live your life.
Compare your average political Facebook ranter to a rioter in Egypt or Yemen. Would they throw rocks and sticks at tanks and armed soldiers? Would they stand in front of a tank a la Tienanmen Square? No. We are fat, lazy Americans who don't trouble ourselves with much of the turmoil of the world. We commute to work in our gas guzzlers, eat fast food, watch football and reality television and slowly turn into rotting vegetables. We complain while disguised as our Internet-alter-egos and are spineless rubes in real-life.
People complain about too much government and Obama being a socialist but when something goes majorly wrong -- aka the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy -- they complain relief isn't coming fast enough. They are hypocrites! Their beliefs exist as long as they are convenient and revolve around their little world.
So, now the election is over, people will forget they are self-described political pundits and leech on to the next craze. What's the next big thing gonna be? Another baby killer to shame and crucify before he/she has a trial? Another big name sex offender? Judge away America.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Forgiveness: Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?
I saw a sign and it opened up my eyes.
"If you refuse to forgive others, God will not forgive your sins."
This small, rectangular black sign with white lettering is stuck in the front yard of an old farm house. No chapel in sight. Instead of sighing at the religious rhetoric and continuing on my sinful day of me, me, me, followed by me, the wheels in my pickled brain began turning like the wheels in the sky.
Religious or not, have you ever been in a life or death situation, or a dangerous or sticky situation? Similar to a lifeline on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire," your mind turns to one person. God. You pray to God ...
I know I haven't been the best Christian but if you let me live (or if you save me from this looming negative thing) I promise to go to church and stop drinking so much. I'll be nicer to my jerk of a sister, I'll floss, I'll say my prayers, I'll volunteer at the homeless shelter, I'll donate money to the humane society ...
Blah blah blah. It’s like you’re Frank Lopez in "Scarface" begging for your life -- never understood how he was a Jewish, Yiddish speaking gentleman with a Latino last name. Instead of What Would Jesus Do, we wonder What Does God Want because we are turning tricks for salvation. Lucky for you, you pick a card in the game of "Life" and it says: God flipped a coin. You're saved. First order of business, take back your promises like a jelly-belly on day three of a fad diet. God is who we turn to when the shit hits the fan but when the fan is cleaned of shit we promptly return to faithless, free-thinking ways because why go through life obsessed with our predestined demise? You don’t dedicate your life to Travelocity, obsessively planning a trip you may never take because what’s the point?
Maybe it's because this presidential election was filled with hateful rants, arguments and opposition. Maybe it's because the holidays are looming over our heads like a black cloud -- a time to think of others, be thankful and generous, and be subjected to mind-numbing, sugar-coated, manufactured Christmas music. Whatever the underlying causes, forgiveness is an enduring topic.
In your many years upon Earth, at least one person has hurt your feelings and you have held a grudge at least one time – this is a safe bet to place. Get my ass to Vegas! Maybe it's filed under ancient history or the scars are still fresh and oozing with grief. Was it a comment someone made? A cruel remark or laugh at your expense? Maybe it was an action -- sleeping with your wife or stealing money from your wallet. Does time heal all wounds? If so, how much time are we talking?
Maybe, like me, you forgive but you don't forget. Is that sinful? Will God forgive us but not forget our sins? Is that good enough for God? Why do we expect others to forgive us while we have a hard forgiving others? Do human beings have the ability to forget about an experience or situation after forgiving someone, even subconsciously?
Do you hold on to anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge? You know, the perfect situation where you make that person feel exactly how they made you feel because wouldn't that make it all better? Wouldn't you be satisfied?
Odds are you won't, you'll be worse off, but how can we forgive? What's the point of forgiving terrible people who continuously walk all over us? Shouldn't we remember what they did? Can people change significantly?
Remember those 1-800-Collect commercials in the '90s with the old man who'd plead, "Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?" It's unhealthy and dangerous to believe in the Lifetime movie, Guideposts, happy ending image of forgiveness. It's not easy. Life and people are not perfect, ever. I don't think of forgiveness as, the old man said, finding it in my heart to forgive someone then going back to how things were prior to the scuffle.
I haven't stayed in touch with many classmates, aside from social media. So, when they resurface, whether it's in person or through a Facebook friend request, I find it hard to keep my thoughts from returning to years past.
Not too long ago an old schoolmate sent me a friend request. I haven't seen this person since high school graduation and we weren’t what I’d consider friends in school. Although it's been a decade, I couldn't help but remember how this person treated me in school -- the constant ridicule, the embarrassment, the name calling and laughter. I accepted this treatment and stopped putting effort into my clothing and style. I became an angry person and withdrew from friendships and relationships. What's the point when you've been crowned a big, fat, loser?
This is what came to my mind when I saw the name on my computer screen. Did I friend this person? No. I'm sure they've changed over the years and became less of a dream-crusher but I don't care to give them access to my life, even in the superficial form of Facebook. Do I resent them? No. Do I have a revenge plan formulated, thumb-tacked to my bedroom wall like in every episode of Law & Order: SVU? No. I hope this person is happy and learned to become a better person than the one I knew in high school because, like holding grudges, cruelty isn’t healthy.
You see, forgiveness isn't about me friending this person and turning our history into a Lifetime film. Forgiveness is about letting go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. I don't have time to worry about the people who wronged me because nothing will be solved. I am living my life and focused on putting the spotlight on the positive because those are the people, places and things that deserve my attention.
Forgiveness isn't about denying responsibility to guilty parties. That person in high school, as well as many people throughout my schooling years (obviously I wasn’t captain of my cheerleading squad and Homecoming Queen), hurt me – no doubt in my mind. My forgiveness doesn't minimize or justify the wrongs. Over the years I’ve forgiven people but not excused their actions because that’s not forgiveness, that’s forced forgetfulness.
"If you refuse to forgive others, God will not forgive your sins."
This small, rectangular black sign with white lettering is stuck in the front yard of an old farm house. No chapel in sight. Instead of sighing at the religious rhetoric and continuing on my sinful day of me, me, me, followed by me, the wheels in my pickled brain began turning like the wheels in the sky.
Religious or not, have you ever been in a life or death situation, or a dangerous or sticky situation? Similar to a lifeline on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire," your mind turns to one person. God. You pray to God ...
I know I haven't been the best Christian but if you let me live (or if you save me from this looming negative thing) I promise to go to church and stop drinking so much. I'll be nicer to my jerk of a sister, I'll floss, I'll say my prayers, I'll volunteer at the homeless shelter, I'll donate money to the humane society ...
Blah blah blah. It’s like you’re Frank Lopez in "Scarface" begging for your life -- never understood how he was a Jewish, Yiddish speaking gentleman with a Latino last name. Instead of What Would Jesus Do, we wonder What Does God Want because we are turning tricks for salvation. Lucky for you, you pick a card in the game of "Life" and it says: God flipped a coin. You're saved. First order of business, take back your promises like a jelly-belly on day three of a fad diet. God is who we turn to when the shit hits the fan but when the fan is cleaned of shit we promptly return to faithless, free-thinking ways because why go through life obsessed with our predestined demise? You don’t dedicate your life to Travelocity, obsessively planning a trip you may never take because what’s the point?
Maybe it's because this presidential election was filled with hateful rants, arguments and opposition. Maybe it's because the holidays are looming over our heads like a black cloud -- a time to think of others, be thankful and generous, and be subjected to mind-numbing, sugar-coated, manufactured Christmas music. Whatever the underlying causes, forgiveness is an enduring topic.
In your many years upon Earth, at least one person has hurt your feelings and you have held a grudge at least one time – this is a safe bet to place. Get my ass to Vegas! Maybe it's filed under ancient history or the scars are still fresh and oozing with grief. Was it a comment someone made? A cruel remark or laugh at your expense? Maybe it was an action -- sleeping with your wife or stealing money from your wallet. Does time heal all wounds? If so, how much time are we talking?
Maybe, like me, you forgive but you don't forget. Is that sinful? Will God forgive us but not forget our sins? Is that good enough for God? Why do we expect others to forgive us while we have a hard forgiving others? Do human beings have the ability to forget about an experience or situation after forgiving someone, even subconsciously?
Do you hold on to anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge? You know, the perfect situation where you make that person feel exactly how they made you feel because wouldn't that make it all better? Wouldn't you be satisfied?
Odds are you won't, you'll be worse off, but how can we forgive? What's the point of forgiving terrible people who continuously walk all over us? Shouldn't we remember what they did? Can people change significantly?
Remember those 1-800-Collect commercials in the '90s with the old man who'd plead, "Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?" It's unhealthy and dangerous to believe in the Lifetime movie, Guideposts, happy ending image of forgiveness. It's not easy. Life and people are not perfect, ever. I don't think of forgiveness as, the old man said, finding it in my heart to forgive someone then going back to how things were prior to the scuffle.
I haven't stayed in touch with many classmates, aside from social media. So, when they resurface, whether it's in person or through a Facebook friend request, I find it hard to keep my thoughts from returning to years past.
Not too long ago an old schoolmate sent me a friend request. I haven't seen this person since high school graduation and we weren’t what I’d consider friends in school. Although it's been a decade, I couldn't help but remember how this person treated me in school -- the constant ridicule, the embarrassment, the name calling and laughter. I accepted this treatment and stopped putting effort into my clothing and style. I became an angry person and withdrew from friendships and relationships. What's the point when you've been crowned a big, fat, loser?
This is what came to my mind when I saw the name on my computer screen. Did I friend this person? No. I'm sure they've changed over the years and became less of a dream-crusher but I don't care to give them access to my life, even in the superficial form of Facebook. Do I resent them? No. Do I have a revenge plan formulated, thumb-tacked to my bedroom wall like in every episode of Law & Order: SVU? No. I hope this person is happy and learned to become a better person than the one I knew in high school because, like holding grudges, cruelty isn’t healthy.
You see, forgiveness isn't about me friending this person and turning our history into a Lifetime film. Forgiveness is about letting go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. I don't have time to worry about the people who wronged me because nothing will be solved. I am living my life and focused on putting the spotlight on the positive because those are the people, places and things that deserve my attention.
Forgiveness isn't about denying responsibility to guilty parties. That person in high school, as well as many people throughout my schooling years (obviously I wasn’t captain of my cheerleading squad and Homecoming Queen), hurt me – no doubt in my mind. My forgiveness doesn't minimize or justify the wrongs. Over the years I’ve forgiven people but not excused their actions because that’s not forgiveness, that’s forced forgetfulness.
Friday, November 2, 2012
Hurricane Sandy, New York & the NYC Marathon: Why Must The Show Go On?
Update: Mayor Michael Bloomberg cancels marathon amid controversy.
As an east coast resident of the United States, I witnessed Hurricane "Superstorm" Sandy firsthand. Can I get a witness? She huffed and puffed but, luckily, she didn't blow my house down. I lost power for a little over 24 hours, which forced me to conserve my iPhone usage and trade in my refrigerator, computer and TV for a battery-operated radio, trashy romance novel, bottled water and food stored in ice-filled coolers. Bon appetite!
Damage: one fallen tree and over 10 inches of rain. There was also the one semi-sleepless night spent tossing and turning while the wind howled like a jet engine, my house shook and I covered everything but my eyeballs in quilts and blankets for protection from Mother Nature's daughter, Sandra.
As John Kimble would say, "Stop whining." I was extremely lucky when compared to others, my hardships almost meaningless. Residents of New Jersey and New York had homes damaged, lives lost, flooding, power outage lasting days and still in effect. The headlines say it all:
Hurricane Sandy's New York City death toll climbs to 40 as city attempts to return to normalcy
Searchers on Staten Island recover bodies of two boys swept away from mother by flood waters Monday
Authorities work to restore power to gas stations in Sandy's aftermath
Cleaning up after Hurricane Sandy
Hurricane Sandy death toll rises to 90
Celebrities are using Twitter to get the word out about donating to the Red Cross, fundraisers and benefits are planned, New Jersey has been declared a state of emergency as well as New York ... did you see the images of the demolished Atlantic City boardwalk? It's like a scene out of "2012." Where's John "Evel Knievel" Cusack and his death defying RV jump? It's frightening when blockbuster disaster films mimic real life.
I have a loved one in Manhattan. Come Sunday, when his power is estimated to be restored, his grand total of days without electricity will reach seven. Seven days. No shower, no computer, no stove, no refrigerator, no bueno. He's been washing his hair in the kitchen sink so he can go to work because, as Mayor Michael Bloomberg can atest, life after Hurricane Sandy must go on.
Speaking of Bloomberg ... this makes me wonder ... why didn't he postpone the New York City Marathon scheduled for Sunday, Nov. 4? Isn't it insensitive? What about the city's resources? How can people compete in such a selfish event while people suffer?
Bloomberg assured the media power should be restored by Nov. 4 so that will free up "an enormous amount of police." How many emergency personnel do you think is needed for such a huge event as the NYC marathon? Just because power will be restored (hopefully) doesn't mean people aren't suffering.
Another pro-marathon argument: it's a point of pride for the city and will show everyone New York is working through the pain of this natural disaster. "We are here and we are going to recover." Bloomberg also pulled the 9/11 card when he reminded people former Mayor Rudy Giuliani made the decision to let the marathon continue after the September 11, 2001 terrorist attack ... which is a different situation as well as a window of almost two months between events.
I understand the need for perseverance and hope but having a huge event the same day most New Yorkers will be with power for the first time in seven days, doesn't that seem like wondering why a woman who just went through a devastating divorce hasn't moved on after seven days? It hasn't been a week!
I think it's disgusting. There are people without food, shelter and electricity who are forced to fork over money and stay in hotels where out-of-town marathoners previously booked rooms. What are they going to do? Kick the evacuees out? What about the folks who lost homes, loved ones and everything? People are suffering! These places have been declared disaster areas! People are waiting in line for hours for gas to fuel generators and vehicles. They plan to bus out-of-town runners into Staten Island, where the race starts while public transportation just got back up and running, somewhat. Nothing like jogging against a backdrop of homes leveled by a superstorm.
I don't know about you but an annual city event wouldn't make me feel better about a terrible situation.
Another pro-marathon argument: the marathon brings an estimated $340 million into NYC. Organizers plan to use to event to raise money for recovery efforts -- The New York Road Runners, which operates the event, will donate $1 million to the recovery fund and said more than $1.5 million in pledges are secured from sponsors.
That's all well and good but, again, I wonder ... there are resources devoted to the race when there are people in peril. Also, you are "freeing up" police officers and other personnel who worked all week so they can work a marathon? Don't they deserve some time off to be with their families -- they live in the area too and were probably affected by Sandy. What about the people who are still missing? Couldn't those emergency personnel search for them instead of working this event?
This reach for normalcy is demeaning to the people whose lives will never be normal again. What about them? They aren't just people depicted by reporters on your TV screen or in a newspaper article, they are human beings.
As an east coast resident of the United States, I witnessed Hurricane "Superstorm" Sandy firsthand. Can I get a witness? She huffed and puffed but, luckily, she didn't blow my house down. I lost power for a little over 24 hours, which forced me to conserve my iPhone usage and trade in my refrigerator, computer and TV for a battery-operated radio, trashy romance novel, bottled water and food stored in ice-filled coolers. Bon appetite!
Damage: one fallen tree and over 10 inches of rain. There was also the one semi-sleepless night spent tossing and turning while the wind howled like a jet engine, my house shook and I covered everything but my eyeballs in quilts and blankets for protection from Mother Nature's daughter, Sandra.
As John Kimble would say, "Stop whining." I was extremely lucky when compared to others, my hardships almost meaningless. Residents of New Jersey and New York had homes damaged, lives lost, flooding, power outage lasting days and still in effect. The headlines say it all:
Hurricane Sandy's New York City death toll climbs to 40 as city attempts to return to normalcy
Searchers on Staten Island recover bodies of two boys swept away from mother by flood waters Monday
Authorities work to restore power to gas stations in Sandy's aftermath
Cleaning up after Hurricane Sandy
Hurricane Sandy death toll rises to 90
Celebrities are using Twitter to get the word out about donating to the Red Cross, fundraisers and benefits are planned, New Jersey has been declared a state of emergency as well as New York ... did you see the images of the demolished Atlantic City boardwalk? It's like a scene out of "2012." Where's John "Evel Knievel" Cusack and his death defying RV jump? It's frightening when blockbuster disaster films mimic real life.
I have a loved one in Manhattan. Come Sunday, when his power is estimated to be restored, his grand total of days without electricity will reach seven. Seven days. No shower, no computer, no stove, no refrigerator, no bueno. He's been washing his hair in the kitchen sink so he can go to work because, as Mayor Michael Bloomberg can atest, life after Hurricane Sandy must go on.
Speaking of Bloomberg ... this makes me wonder ... why didn't he postpone the New York City Marathon scheduled for Sunday, Nov. 4? Isn't it insensitive? What about the city's resources? How can people compete in such a selfish event while people suffer?
Bloomberg assured the media power should be restored by Nov. 4 so that will free up "an enormous amount of police." How many emergency personnel do you think is needed for such a huge event as the NYC marathon? Just because power will be restored (hopefully) doesn't mean people aren't suffering.
Another pro-marathon argument: it's a point of pride for the city and will show everyone New York is working through the pain of this natural disaster. "We are here and we are going to recover." Bloomberg also pulled the 9/11 card when he reminded people former Mayor Rudy Giuliani made the decision to let the marathon continue after the September 11, 2001 terrorist attack ... which is a different situation as well as a window of almost two months between events.
I understand the need for perseverance and hope but having a huge event the same day most New Yorkers will be with power for the first time in seven days, doesn't that seem like wondering why a woman who just went through a devastating divorce hasn't moved on after seven days? It hasn't been a week!
I think it's disgusting. There are people without food, shelter and electricity who are forced to fork over money and stay in hotels where out-of-town marathoners previously booked rooms. What are they going to do? Kick the evacuees out? What about the folks who lost homes, loved ones and everything? People are suffering! These places have been declared disaster areas! People are waiting in line for hours for gas to fuel generators and vehicles. They plan to bus out-of-town runners into Staten Island, where the race starts while public transportation just got back up and running, somewhat. Nothing like jogging against a backdrop of homes leveled by a superstorm.
I don't know about you but an annual city event wouldn't make me feel better about a terrible situation.
Another pro-marathon argument: the marathon brings an estimated $340 million into NYC. Organizers plan to use to event to raise money for recovery efforts -- The New York Road Runners, which operates the event, will donate $1 million to the recovery fund and said more than $1.5 million in pledges are secured from sponsors.
That's all well and good but, again, I wonder ... there are resources devoted to the race when there are people in peril. Also, you are "freeing up" police officers and other personnel who worked all week so they can work a marathon? Don't they deserve some time off to be with their families -- they live in the area too and were probably affected by Sandy. What about the people who are still missing? Couldn't those emergency personnel search for them instead of working this event?
This reach for normalcy is demeaning to the people whose lives will never be normal again. What about them? They aren't just people depicted by reporters on your TV screen or in a newspaper article, they are human beings.
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