Have you ever watched an episode of "Two and a Half Men" -- on purpose or not? I can't say I've caught a recent one with man-child Ashton "Kutchie-King" Kutcher but I've sat through a few reruns with the warlock himself, Charlie Sheen.
My viewership ended after catching two or three random episodes while lazily flipping channels -- entertain me magic box! -- because each episode was identical. It's your typical sitcom-shtick with safe-for-TV-after-8 racy undertones and far-fetched scenarios. Boobies, booze and babes. Yuck, yuck, yuck!
In addition to Kutcher, the other man in this equation is Jon "Forever Duckie" Cryer. Although decades removed from "Pretty in Pink," he's playing the same awkward, geeky character as he did in 1986, which goes to show he's playing himself like Kutcher has for decades. I wish I could be cast as the cynical, crass, Amazon woman in some retched sitcom for thousands of dollars an episode.
Sigh.
Angus T. Jones, who plays Jake, the son of Cryer's character, is the half. He's been playing this role since age 9 and now, at age 19, is becoming more than half, possibly 78% man. He was cute as the chubby, witty child but now, as the awkward teenager, his character is losing its charm, which is good because Jones wants out.
In a rant recently posted online for Forerunner Chronicles (linked to the Seventh-day Adventist movement -- go ahead and make your best eerie yikes face), Jones commented, in his best unenthusiastic deadpan voice:
If you watch Two and a Half Men, please stop watching Two and a Half Men. I'm on Two and a Half Men and I don't want to be on it. Please stop watching it and filling your head with filth. People say it's just entertainment. Do some research on the effects of television and your brain, and I promise you you'll have a decision to make when it comes to television, especially what you watch.
What's up with wackos and their research? Reminds me of when Tom Cruise argued with Matt Lauer on "The Today Show" -- "you don't understand the history of psychiatry." Also, a videotaped testimonial? Who does he think he is, Osama bin Laden? Nicholas Brody in "Homeland?"
If I am doing any harm, I don't want to be here. I don't want to be contributing to the enemy's plan. … You cannot be a true God-fearing person and be on a television show like that. I know I can't. I'm not OK with what I'm learning, what the Bible says and being on that television show.
He can't be a true God-fearing person because he's on the Satan Network but he's still on the show because of his contract? He doesn't want to be there if he's doing harm but admits you can't watch the show if you fear God ... I'm confused. He is doing harm or not? Is Satan running this show or not? Could you imagine walking into an office for an interview and a big, beautiful leather desk chair turns around as you enter and you're face-to-face with Satan? I'd poop myself for sure.
Jones has attended this church for less than a year yet has it all figured out with a little help from his friend and spiritual guide Christopher Hudson, who is also featured in his testimonial looking like a fake ass Romany Malco.
Jones found Hudson through the ForeRunner Chronicles video series and remarked his videos, which he "loves watching," have been a "blessing" and the "information is so great." These videos cover a variety of topics, including:
Jay-Z is a Freemason with ties to the devil.
Beyonce is leading people away from Christ and toward accepting all men of homosexual practices.
Obama's healthcare plan is similar to Hitler's policies.
The NYC gas crisis can lead to cannibalism -- direct quote: "Your baby might start looking like a chicken wing."
Hopefully a dingo doesn't eat your baby. I'm so confused with these fundamentalist theories I might draft a genealogical chart of Hitler and the Devil because apparently Jay-Z is the brother of Rosemary's Baby and so is your TV -- Freddy Krueger is in your TV so now it makes sense, right?
What is it with "Two and a Half Men" and actors losing their shit? First Charlie Sheen attacks executive producer and co-creator Chuck Lorre before quickly morphing into a crack-fueled, drunken, warlock alien, mouthing off about tiger blood and wizardry like a drugged out Harry Potter. Now, we have Angus T. Evangelist Jones and his Spiritual Guide preaching to anyone with an Internet connection while Jones continues to cash his roughly $350,000 an episode paycheck -- which, as he mentioned, is Satan's money. I'm sure he's spent his Satan blood money on a pretty comfortable life -- do as I say, not as I do. I want some Satan blood money! How much has he earned from the show in his 10-year stint as Jake? What does the hand that fed him millions of dollars taste like? Jesus' love? You could argue all the money in the world can't help if you truly hate what you do but I believe Jones drank too much of the Kool-Aid.
It's reported his mother is worried he's being exploited by the church. That's a bingo!
Christianity has become fuel for hate speech -- with Christians hating others with differing sexuality, religion, race and political views. It boggles my mind how people can pretend to be these angelic, God-fearing, Jesus-loving Christians while they stand upon their Internet-run soapboxes and judge and hate to their black hearts delight. What happened to loving God and loving your neighbor? Look in the mirror before telling others how to live.
As for Jones, if he really hated the show he'd donate his paychecks to charity, not bitch and moan while spending millions on material possessions, luxuries and a new pair of George McFly eyeglasses. Give me a break hipster!
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