With the royal wedding just days away, tick-tock tick-tock, I joined most women (and some fabulously gay men) across America and have been excitedly chatting over the details, from Kate Middleton's wedding dress to her status soaring from commoner to princess. I've watched news stations, from credible CNN to the janitors of newscasters Billy Bush and Access Hollywood Live, shoveling shit about every detail and interviewing every British woman/man-on-the-street they could get their grubby hands on.
What interests me most about this royal event (being called the wedding of the century, which is funny to do so earlier in the century) is the loud sighs from hetero American men, who are so annoyed with all this "bullshit." They want us to focus our attention on more American things, such as the upcoming NFL draft, NHL playoffs and how bad their favorite baseball team is playing. They want to talk about things that make sense to them, not this fairytale nonsense.
These manly men bitch and moan about how Americans, more specifically their American significant others, should not get so excited about princes and princesses. They don't get what the "big deal" is about the royal wedding. It's 2011! Princes and princesses are a thing of the past! Who cares? It's not like they have any power! It's not like you are going to become a prince or princess ever. We are across the pond in America but suddenly all these morons have forgotten where they live and begin to talk of their English roots and how they are going to get up at 3 a.m. Friday and eat crumpets and drink tea and watch the whole drawn-out thing! Wtf. The only prince these men wanna hear about is Prince and about him wearing 5-inch platform sandals with some turbo-hottie by his side at the airport as he flies around the world being f-ing awesome.
I will admit the coverage is ridiculous and I do live in America. America, fuck yeah! However, ever since I can remember I've been fed healthy doses of fairytales. Princes and princesses, knights in shining armor, servants and royalty, glass slippers and magic spells both on land and under-the-sea. What do little girls dress as for Halloween? Princesses! Disney princess ring a bell? Well ... except me, I guess, since I was more interested in being a geisha or a skeleton for Halloween. But I digress.
I have been brought up to want the fairytale which is not just present in age-appropriate G-rated bullshit but on TV shows, movies and books for adults. I want to live happily ever after, I want a knight in shining armor, I want to be treated like a princess, I want Mark Darcy in "Bridget Jones' Diary" or "Pride and Prejudice" ... really just Colin Firth as Mark Darcy in my boudoir but that's another rant for another day or for my dreams tonight.
Women want romance, they want to be treated like the princesses they think they are. Think about it this way. Princess status, servants, ballgowns, the adoring public, romance, carriage rides, tiaras and jewels, Buckingham palace, the queen mum, royalty (maybe not all real but it's what the public is fed) ... it's what fairytales are made of so I don't understand why I shouldn't be fantasizing about this.
What do you want me to fantasize about? Being poor? Wearing rags? Living on the street? Marrying a complete and utter loser who is totally cruel and unromantic? It reminds me of Fantasies Night Club, a strip club in Baltimore, Md. It's filled with half naked beautiful women which provides meaning for the use of the word "Fantasies." Yes, I'm talking about boobies and strippers so now I have the attention of the hetero men.
Sigh. Let me have my fairytale!
No comments:
Post a Comment