Ah yes, the Academy Awards, aka The Oscars. I heard about it,i read about it ... but when it came to thi past Sunday night I did not tune in. No DVR, no pre-show red-carpet B.S. with so-called journalists, nothing. Do not pass go, do not collect the camaraderie of doing what every other American is doing -- watching a long ass show so they can Tweet, Facebook and chat about it and be up-to-date. So f-ing hip it hurts!
It's not that I'm anti-Oscars, harboring some hippie-esque hatred of Hollywood in all its gluttonous glory. It's that I could care less. I watched my backlog of DVRed "An Idiot Abroad" and got in bed around 9:30. I guess "An Idiot Abroad" is anti-Oscar in a way since it's done by Ricky Gervais. Hmm ... Anyway, Sunday night = Wild and crazy times! Not so much.
Yeah, come Monday morning when opening my web browser I noticed a red-carpet fashion slideshow. I automatically clicked and browsed the photos -- loved Gwyneth Paltrow, hated Cameron Diaz (I mean, honestly, is she a man?) As a proud skimmer of "Us Weekly" and other trash rags, I enjoy looking briefly, determining yay or nay, and moving on. That's all she wrote when concerning this annual event and Hollywood in general because yeah, Gwyneth looked amazing but I will never go to an event that fancy and never afford that dress so who cares?
I don't care to know who wins because it won't change a thing. Good for them for being nominated and for whoever wins but I don't know them. We're not friends. They're not going to thank me in their speech. If a movie wins that doesn't mean I'm going to go see it. If an actor or actress wins it doesn't mean I need to get down on my knees and worship them while chanting, "I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy, I'm scum, I suck."
Don't get me wrong, I enjoy movies. After reading "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" series I saw the movie version in the theater and loved it -- and that's significant considering I don't enjoy the theater because I don't like people! Ah yes, a dark, cold room surrounded by strangers ... hell on Earth. However, Rooney Mara played a very convincing Lisbeth Salander and I enjoyed myself because the film was entertaining, the popcorn was greasy and the theater lacked the usual suspects, aka loud talkers, cell phone offenders, etc. Melissa McCarthy was the best part of "Bridesmaids," which was a very funny film but not enough to garner all the hype. I'd like to read "The Help" before watching the film, and I'd like to see "The Descendants."
However, this is all coming from seeing/hearing about films from friends and/or trailers and deciding they look interesting. There are no dramatic feelings of need and want associated with this. Simply, I'd like to see "The Descendants" so maybe I'll add it to my Netflix list if I remember before my AD/HD continues on its magic carpet ride to the next thought. Hmm ... I think I'll have clam chowder for lunch tomorrow with those little crackers. Mmm ...
Did you know the Oscars are decided by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences? Of the 5,765 voters, 94% are white (somebody better call up Tyler Perry, Al Sharpton & Spike Lee! Aww shit!). The membership is also 77 percent male and 86 percent over the age of 50. Hmm ... so a bunch of old white dudes are telling me what's worth watching? I don't think so, especially since I don't care what people think about the movies I like or dislike. I never understood movie reviewers because who cares what they think? I'm going to like what I like, from "Slumdog Millionaire" to "Get Him to the Greek." So, in conclusion, eat me.
But ... I wonder. Why do people watch The Oscars, year after year? Well, not just watch but obsess over this event and make such a big deal. Sometimes they throw extravagant Oscar parties with champagne and fancy outfits, sometimes they don pajamas and park their wide asses in front of the boob tube, slowly devouring a pint of Ben & Jerry's. Whatever the case, what's the fascination?
Is it for the winners and the speeches? For the movies they've seen and love? The masterpieces? Do they get upset if their favorite movie or actor/actress doesn't win? Like not boo-hoo upset but being-upset-for-days upset. Is it because it's what we're supposed to do?
Is it for the gowns, pomp and circumstance? What's she wearing? Look at her horrible hair! For shame! It's obviously not for Billy Crystal, who has hosted the Oscars nine times too many. He's absolutely snooze-worthy.
Is a group of old, rich white men going to tell you what's worth watching, worth spending hours of your life on? Think again people.
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