What's the point of every day being a holiday to celebrate some miniscule thing?
When you think American holidays, what comes to mind? New Year's debauchery (or shame at falling asleep before midnight -- did you fall asleep Billy or did you pass out?), Thanksgiving over-eating, Christmas and, again, over-eating ... Labor Day, Columbus Day, Memorial Day, President's, MLK, Veterans ...
But wait, there's more.
We also have April Fool's Day, Father's and Mother's days -- and the lesser popular Grandparents Day -- Kwanzaa (whatever that is), St. Patrick's Day (when we pretend to be Irish and consume mass quantities of Guinness and corned beef like assholes), Groundhog Day, Mardi Gras, Cinco de Mayo (for some reason we believe Mexicans chiefly survive on a steady diet of Corona and nachos) ...
But wait, there's more.
Do you know there are food holidays every single day? Wtf. In addition to being Black History Month (obviously America only cares about black folks for one month ... which a happens to be the shortest month of the year), February is filled with food celebrations. It's National Cherry Month (yum) ... as well as National Grapefruit Month (yuck), National Hot Breakfast Month (umm ... ok?), National Macadamia Nut Month (yum) and National Snack Food Month (who doesn't like to snack?). I'm not kidding. Feb. 19 to 25 is National Pancake Week as well.
Then, every day throughout the year there is something to celebrate. Feb. 9 was National Bagel & Lox Day. Feb. 10 was National Cream Cheese Brownie Day.
I have a headache and am stressed I didn't eat a cream cheese brownie on Feb. 10. Shit! Bad luck for a month! I'm missing out on life!
We've got the more accepted holiday, Valentine's Day, upon us, which many believe is a manufactured celebration so people spend moolah on flowers, candy and cheezy Hallmark cards. Fight the power you dirty, dirty hippies, fight it with all the flowers and hair grease you can!
It's important to celebrate the big holidays to keep your relationship alive. Buy your significant other something for Vday, take them out to dinner, make a biggish deal of it! Have fun! When you start poo-poopin these days is when your relationship starts to poo-poo and fall apart. One missed holiday leads to another ... also, it's sad but true, we need Vday to remind us to be romantic, to cherish the one we love, to slow our hectic lives and be thankful for love. All sorts of love: friendship, family, relationship-sexy-time-lovers.
We need it yet many people choose to half-ass it. Buy some generic chocolates, generic flowers and a card with a generic greeting for the "love of your life" the day before (the greeting card department at my local box store was mobbed Feb. 13, mobbed!) instead of thinking about specifics. What candy does he or she like? What card reminds you of them and why? Shit, why not make your own card?
However, the buck stops here. I'm cool with celebrating birthdays (not half birthdays or any other made-up shit), Vday, Christmas ... as well as milestones like graduation, promotions, childbirth, weddings. Other than that, like National Doughnut Day or whatever bogus shit fatties come up with to eat fried food all day and put some meaning in their empty lives, no thanks.
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