As is typical with celebrity news, it started out as rumor. Fingers frantically danced across keyboards and Smartphones to share news of 24-year-old Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi being pregnant. Is she or isn't she? He-said she-said, this source claims this, this source claims that, Snooki denied pregnancy rumors during an interview in early February with Good Morning America, so ... what's the deal pickles? Is the meatball with child? Has she registered at Guidos 'R Us? I can see it now -- zebra print diapers, faux pouf hair clips, mini size bottles of spray tan and hairspray, spandex onesies. Barf.
First thought: last I heard of Snooki was she'd lost a lot of weight. Now she's three months preggers? Huh.
Soon enough the truth was revealed. Snooki is pregnant. Yes, with child in that disgusting womb tomb of hers in a body stuffed
to the brim with diet pills, fried pickles, girlie drinks, Vagasil, jello-shots, Italian food and Gorilla
Juicehead jizz. Yes, the girl who is known for screaming "Wah" when she doesn't get her way, the alcoholic who flashes her lady parts while "doing her thing" at "da club." Yes, her. The baby is going to come out drunk, spray tanned, DTF and reeking of Axe Body Spray.
Reports claim the father is her boyfriend, Jionni LaValle ... but, honestly, who knows? Other sources claim Snooki is turning the pregnancy into a lucrative marketing deal in hopes of becoming the "next Kourtney Karadashian" ... ding ding ding, winner winner chicken dinner! Interesting how filming began last week on her new spinoff show with Jenni "JWow" Farley (is it JWow or JWoww ... or who the f- cares? Go get some more plastic surgery.) ... guess MTV wanted to throw something juicy in the mix, something scandalous like Snooki being knocked up because we all know how much MTV loves pregnant morons, a.k.a. "16 & Pregnant" and "Teen Mom." Well, MTV loves them because of the morons who religiously watch these train-wrecks.
However, it's interesting to note Snooki & JWow were given a spinoff show because MTV wanted more of their hard-partying, boozy, slutty lifestyle so ... how is pregnancy going to fit in? There's nothing wild about a prenatal yoga class but, then again, Snooki doesn't seem the type. While she's busy worrying about making money off her unborn child, most mothers are worrying about things like having a healthy baby and being a good parent.
What else are "sources" spilling the beans on ... well, after shopping around her story, Snooki brokered a deal with "Us Weekly" to officially announce the news on the cover of their trash rag. Not shocking in the least.
I'm sure in the coming week there will be more news of Snooki and her Guido spawn but, frankly, I've heard enough. I don't know about you but I feel like a refreshing vomit before heading for the hills to live my life out as a recluse because there's no hope for the future of mankind with this kind of filth. Nowhere in any of the reports, through speculation or Snooki's actions, has it been reported she cares about this baby, the life she is bringing into the world. It's all about making money and being famous, which is a terrible life-lesson to promote. Like it or not, Snooki is a role model for America's youth.
Sigh. Shame on her. A baby isn't an accessory, it isn't a gimmick or a sideshow. Disgusting.
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