I was cruisin' down tha street in my six-fo', jockin' the bitches, slappin' tha hoes, went to tha park to get tha scoop, knuckleheads out there cold shootin' some hoops ...
Screeeeeeech! Sike.
I was cruising down the highway in my obvious cracker-ass white-woman sedan (sorry, no '64 Impala) under the radiant dome of a bright blue sky with an even brighter sun beaming rays (hopefully not gamma rays) from above. A cool, pre-summer wind was blowing through my open windows as my CD player pumped euphoric tunes, the kind of music that makes a long commute almost enjoyable and go by quickly. The kind of music that gets you moving in your seat and your horrible karaoke voice squaking at full capacity because no one can hear you, no one can judge. It's not like you could sing in front of people without three Mai Tai's anyway, but I digress.
I was driving away from a long and weary day and was ready to walk inside my home, breath a sigh of relief and relax but, wait, all of a sudden, what could it be? Before I turned off the highway on a side road that would be the last half of my trip, the road was blocked. There was a car accident. The people responding to the incident -- ambulance, fire engine -- covered the entire road and I was stuck there. I screeched to a halt as hundreds of cars and trucks behind me screeched and we all shared a drawn-out Napoleon Dynamite-quality sigh.
First thought: geez. What are the chances? I was held up earlier in the day on the way to something important by a car accident blocking the road. It made me late and miss out on the entire reason for my trip! Murphy's Law. What are the chances of being held up twice in one day? Geez. Wah! I just wanna go home. I had a long day. This isn't fair. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah!
But wait. There's more.
I put my car in park and slid back in my seat. Might as well get comfortable. I saw cars creeping in the shoulder, trying to cut in front of everyone, and growled. Wait your turn asshats! I was starring off into space, lost in my own life, when my vision cleared as I watched a d-bag get out of the car in front of me, walk around and try to check out the scene in front of us. I thought ... someone could have died in this car accident. Maybe more than one. They could be dying right now. Someone is suffering. Not just the trauma of going through a car accident but also the idea they could be dying just feet in front of where I sat. Where I sat thinking, just seconds earlier, about how this is inconvenient for me.
I thought about their families. Do they know? I thought about the accident earlier in the day. Did someone die then? Were they seriously injured? I thought of all the tears shed, all the worry and stress, all the pain.
I watched as the drivers side door of the smashed vehicle was wrenched open, tossed aside, and someone was gently carried out and put on a stretcher and wheeled into an ambulance. Sirens wailed, lights flashed and before long the ambulance took off down the highway.
I sat in my car, numb. I saw the traffic moving and mechanically drove forward and followed the directions of the emergency services personnel who waved me forward and on my way.
Why is it that what took 45 minutes and involved pain and suffering got me so angry? So "woe is me" and annoyed? What if I left five minutes earlier and was in that accident? What then? Wasted energy, wasted hate for what? To get home earlier? I'm glad I finally came to the conclusion that it ain't all about me but what about the other hundreds of people behind me.
It makes me think about people who always make it all about them. It's not just that someone died in a car accident but that they knew them and they can't believe they died and this is so sad and I am so upset and me, me, me, me. How exhausting and ... well ... sad. I don't want to be that way. I don't want to only care about myself and only care about how things will affect me and my life when other people hurt too, other people suffer.
You never know when being nice to someone can make their whole day or week or month. You never know when shutting your mouth for five minutes and listening, really listening to someone can change everything. You never know. When is the last time you listened to someone and heard their words, not just waited for a pause so you could speak? Do you know your friends and family? Do you know anyone?
Be honest with yourself. Do you even care beyond the "how does this affect me" mentality?
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