"In real life, however, you don't react to what someone did; you react only to what you think she did, and the gap between action and perception is bridged by the art of impression management. If life itself is but what you deem it, then why not focus your efforts on persuading others to believe that you are a virtuous and trustworthy cooperator?" -- social psychologist Jonathan Haidt in "The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom"
Obviously I think too much but whatever. So does this Haidt fellow, so ha!
Life would be easier if we could hear the thoughts of others (maybe we can and don't have enough control over our minds to access this ability ... another rant for another day). Words are taken out of context, gossip is spread like wildlife, people believe what they want, listen to who they want, they focus on words and body language mixed in with biases and long-held beliefs, when never knowing the full story. But, how could they? We can't read minds, at least I can't and, believe me, I've tried. I don't know about you!
It's difficult, damn near impossible, to view ourselves without a blurry lens, clouded by ego, bias, self-esteem, etc. (probably why people flock to therapists who don't know them and can give an impartial opinion, as in impartial because they don't personally know the characters involved in the drama, i.e. daddy issues, ex-boyfriends/girlfriends, bad childhoods. But then again does their impartiality come in question when they take their client's word as gold without really knowing what happened and/or is happening ... or is that for them to discover ... ).
Any-who, how do you know what you are? Yeah, if I asked any Tom, Dick or Harry if they were a racist, what would they say? Most likely, "Of course not!" Not many people would say yes to this question even if they were. Also, not many people think they are. Some may unconsciously treat people of other ethnic backgrounds differently, for better or worse, without paying attention. Aren't we typically afraid and put off by what we don't understand? It would be easier to think all white people are bad and leave it at that.
Could be black vs. white or Christian vs. atheist or man vs. woman or heterosexual vs. homosexual vs. bisexual. There are countless scenarios. Or you are like me, an equal opportunity hater, and simply don't like people in general -- probably why I write long-winded blogs instead of interacting with human beings.
No one wants to admit they're a bad person and even if they do admit it (yeah, so I'm a racist. What ya gonna do about it, huh punk?), they make excuses for it like, "oh, I don't really feel that way" or "it's not just black men that scare me, I would be just as scared being on a dark street with a white man or anyone." Yeah right. Then there is that gap between knowledge of your faults and doing something to better yourself. That moment when you can either ignore the light-bulb microwave-ding ding ding! aha realization moment or take a step forward in to enlightenment. It's easier to ignore it, not as in easier for your well-being or overall state of mind (the knowledge is still there whether you pretend to ignore it or not), but just simpler. I am what I am so deal with it. Whateva! Familiarity is comforting.
Life would be easier if we could hear the thoughts of others (maybe we can and don't have enough control over our minds to access this ability ... another rant for another day). Words are taken out of context, gossip is spread like wildlife, people believe what they want, listen to who they want, they focus on words and body language mixed in with biases and long-held beliefs, when never knowing the full story. But, how could they? We can't read minds, at least I can't and, believe me, I've tried. I don't know about you!
It's difficult, damn near impossible, to view ourselves without a blurry lens, clouded by ego, bias, self-esteem, etc. (probably why people flock to therapists who don't know them and can give an impartial opinion, as in impartial because they don't personally know the characters involved in the drama, i.e. daddy issues, ex-boyfriends/girlfriends, bad childhoods. But then again does their impartiality come in question when they take their client's word as gold without really knowing what happened and/or is happening ... or is that for them to discover ... ).
Any-who, how do you know what you are? Yeah, if I asked any Tom, Dick or Harry if they were a racist, what would they say? Most likely, "Of course not!" Not many people would say yes to this question even if they were. Also, not many people think they are. Some may unconsciously treat people of other ethnic backgrounds differently, for better or worse, without paying attention. Aren't we typically afraid and put off by what we don't understand? It would be easier to think all white people are bad and leave it at that.
Could be black vs. white or Christian vs. atheist or man vs. woman or heterosexual vs. homosexual vs. bisexual. There are countless scenarios. Or you are like me, an equal opportunity hater, and simply don't like people in general -- probably why I write long-winded blogs instead of interacting with human beings.
No one wants to admit they're a bad person and even if they do admit it (yeah, so I'm a racist. What ya gonna do about it, huh punk?), they make excuses for it like, "oh, I don't really feel that way" or "it's not just black men that scare me, I would be just as scared being on a dark street with a white man or anyone." Yeah right. Then there is that gap between knowledge of your faults and doing something to better yourself. That moment when you can either ignore the light-bulb microwave-ding ding ding! aha realization moment or take a step forward in to enlightenment. It's easier to ignore it, not as in easier for your well-being or overall state of mind (the knowledge is still there whether you pretend to ignore it or not), but just simpler. I am what I am so deal with it. Whateva! Familiarity is comforting.
You see a friend on the street and your encounter is brief. They seem preoccupied and in a pissy mood. What's your go-to? Obviously they don't want to talk to you. They were rude and that's not fair to you. Maybe you haven't been a good friend? Why were they rude? What did you do? Blah blah blah It couldn't possibly be they were in a hurry to grab lunch because they had a pile of work on their desk to get through before heading home for the day, hopefully not too late, so they can do it all over again tomorrow for a shitty paycheck and no sign of a slap on the back for their hard work. They're stressed out and have other things on their mind, maybe a pissed off lover or a sick parent they have to take care of who is not grateful. Who knows? But how would you know that? Why do we always look to ourselves first? Maybe because we can't read thoughts!
Also, if we kept this kind of mindset, thinking about others first, wouldn't we be one giant doormat? What about us? Shouldn't this pissed off person be nice to me since it's not my fault she/he has to work late?
I don't know about you but I have a headache brewing thinking about this crap. Seems like a no-win situation because what if this person didn't have anything to make them pissy. It wasn't about their job or scorned lover or sick parent. It turns out they don't like you. Game over, end of story.
What a headache life can be because if you are not reacting to what someone did, as Haidt explained, but reacting to what you think they did, doesn't the same hold true for them? Maybe at the chance encounter I detailed above, they think the same of you, as in you were in a pissy mood, you seemed preoccupied. The same thoughts ran through their mind or maybe different thoughts. Maybe they were already considering you being a royal jerk-face from previous encounters they took the wrong way and this is the last nail in the coffin raising you to full jerk status. Signed, sealed, delivered: you are a jerk. Congrats! This doesn't cross your mind so you have no idea they've gone along their way and told mutual friends how pissy you seemed and how annoying it was to them, blah blah blah
So, your reactions to others can be as difficult as persuading them to think what a grade-A person you are. Why should you focus on making other people like you? Shouldn't you simply surround yourself with people who know you are the good person you believe yourself to be? Do people like this exist?
Maybe you should go completely loony and become friends with television characters and never leave your house. Start watching NCIS and talk to Tony Dinozzo through your TV screen. You've been a loyal viewer for years so you know him so well ... well enough to be friends. Wouldn't it be cool if you were friends? If you were on NCIS as a special agent with Tony or maybe his best pal or girlfriend? Well ... maybe you are. Tony never seems to change. You would make great friends. Would that make you a lunatic or just someone sick and tired of not being able to read thoughts?
Also, if we kept this kind of mindset, thinking about others first, wouldn't we be one giant doormat? What about us? Shouldn't this pissed off person be nice to me since it's not my fault she/he has to work late?
I don't know about you but I have a headache brewing thinking about this crap. Seems like a no-win situation because what if this person didn't have anything to make them pissy. It wasn't about their job or scorned lover or sick parent. It turns out they don't like you. Game over, end of story.
What a headache life can be because if you are not reacting to what someone did, as Haidt explained, but reacting to what you think they did, doesn't the same hold true for them? Maybe at the chance encounter I detailed above, they think the same of you, as in you were in a pissy mood, you seemed preoccupied. The same thoughts ran through their mind or maybe different thoughts. Maybe they were already considering you being a royal jerk-face from previous encounters they took the wrong way and this is the last nail in the coffin raising you to full jerk status. Signed, sealed, delivered: you are a jerk. Congrats! This doesn't cross your mind so you have no idea they've gone along their way and told mutual friends how pissy you seemed and how annoying it was to them, blah blah blah
So, your reactions to others can be as difficult as persuading them to think what a grade-A person you are. Why should you focus on making other people like you? Shouldn't you simply surround yourself with people who know you are the good person you believe yourself to be? Do people like this exist?
Maybe you should go completely loony and become friends with television characters and never leave your house. Start watching NCIS and talk to Tony Dinozzo through your TV screen. You've been a loyal viewer for years so you know him so well ... well enough to be friends. Wouldn't it be cool if you were friends? If you were on NCIS as a special agent with Tony or maybe his best pal or girlfriend? Well ... maybe you are. Tony never seems to change. You would make great friends. Would that make you a lunatic or just someone sick and tired of not being able to read thoughts?
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